Summer holiday but now the in laws are coming, I really don't want to go

[Spanglyprincess1]

Just this really. In laws own a holiday home in Europe. We asked last year if we could have it for a week they said yes, we offered money they declined. All good. Booked travel etc and told kids (my 3 dsc, their grandchildren and one mine ds their grandchild also).
The house just sleeps everyone so fine.

They announced yesterday they are coming too holiday is in 4 weeks time. My dp and his parents don't really get on well, he does with his dad but not his mom. He's not happy and dreading it. Plus his mom n dad won't share a room not even a twin room. So now me, dp and very loud 12mth old will have to share a room and the other three mixed sex older children will have to share.

I'm dreading going now. The sleeping arrnagments are not great, dp and his mom will argue, his dad will try and take dp away for their joint hobby in the surrounding area and leave me with all the kids. Which isn't happening as its my holiday too.

I know it's their home plus free etc but it feels rude that they have done this esp when we asked well in advance and it's causes havoc with sleeping arrangments.

I know Iabu but I just don't want to go at all now as it will be very awkward. But the older kids are really looking forward to it.

Stop reading it immediately and save it for your lovely holiday. Bliss, lying somewhere reading Long Earth.

This would be my idea of hell. YANBU

Don't forget to remove your name from the hire car!

I did a little cheer when I read you'd booked Bulgaria, good for you OP

Well done OP! Hope you have a really lovely holiday.

Does DH know yet?

I hope you have a marvellous holiday OP - life is far too short to put up with arsey, entitled inlaws ruining your precious holiday time.

Absolutely the correct decision OP! You'll have a much more relaxed time just you, baby and lots of personal space. I'm raising a glass of 🍷 to you!

Well done OP.

I started putting my foot down with DH years ago when we had to go caravanning with the ILs. SIL, BIL, MIL, 2 DNs, DH, me and our 3 DC.
10 of us trapped in an 8 berth caravan and all getting violently ill because in laws don't wash their hands. Ever, even after going to the toilet. (Didn't matter if it was a one or two either. )

I insisted we paid for our own caravan the following year. They still kept booking for when DH was working even though he had 3 weeks off in summer. Out of the 10 of us he was the only one that had a job so they could have gone anytime but decided that DH should just use up his very limited holiday time instead.
The next time they decided to ignore our holiday availability dates I just said "ok, have a nice time. We'll not be there because as we said already, we can only go from x date to x date."
Did the same this year too.

Sometimes you just have to be firm and deal with it so good on you OP for doing that. I agree with what others said. That it wouldn't have been sorted, the children would end up being grumpy and tired due to the shit sleeping arrangements, MIL would have got tetchy and due to that you would have been left with all the kids and MIL after DP and FIL buggered off all day to get away from the flared tempers in the villa. It'll be interesting to see what happens when the cook, babysitter and cleaner (aka you) isn't there to do it.

I think your partner has been a real wimp. He should have said weeks ago "we're disappointed you're going to your house x week because you said we could have that week. The house isn't big enough for all of us and you didn't say you were planning to go as well or we would have arranged something else. We will sort out somewhere else to stay" When they said "It will be OK" He says "No it won't, not from our point of view. This should have been discussed before you changed your plans" I hope the week in Bulgaria goes well. I'm glad I've never had the relatives gatecrashing your holiday thing.

Oh well done OP. I am so sorry that you have been so badly let down by your partner. He is spineless & your ILs are selfish fucks. Hope you have a wonderful time!

I think op you have played it well in the end x enjoy your holiday

I'm glad to hear you've booked your own holiday. I hope you have a lovely break.

I'm also curious to hear how your partner reacts when you tell him. Would he cancel going on the planned holiday? If he now speaks to his parents, and says it's all sorted, don't cancel your trip to Bulgaria. I wouldn't trust him after this.

Well done!!!! 👏

Have you told DP yet?
Be careful that this doesn't blow open cracks in your relationship are create cracks with DSC and DC

Well done op, enjoy your holiday.

Ed theb ear - dp created the situation, so if it does than that >s really his issue. He's been given weeks to solve it and hasn't even tried.
Given my mental health etc he should have proratiesed his partner n child. So really it is what it is

Well done OP.

Remember, don't let him paint you as the bad guy. Your in laws crashed your holiday and have form for invading family time with his ex wife too. Your DP has had ample time to sort this out and has chosen not to on multiple occasions.

EdtheBear
I don't think the OP needs to be careful. The DP seems to think his partners and wives should always bow down to the whims of his parents and he isn't going to grow a backbone any time soon.
In terms of the step children, he has a choice and either tells the truth 'we wouldn't all fit and I didn't solve it' or he tries to pass the buck to the OP to make himself look better. If he does the latter then the OP needs to consider how long she is willing to tolerate being painted as the bad guy by a man with no backbone.

What did he say when you told him you have booked your own holiday?

I'm glad you are still getting a holiday but the dynamics are all changed now, I wouldn't fancy going on holiday without my DH with such a young baby.

I have before when ds was young, dp works away a lot. It was fine.

OP I hope this doesn’t sound patronising but I’m really proud of you!

You’ve not let yourself be walked over and you’ve made a massive statement. This won’t happen again.

Can’t wait to see how your in-laws enjoy their holiday without you there as their babysitter, cleaner and personal chef.

Bravo!!

The thing is Laguna that assumes the alternative would be a better option for OP when clearly it wouldn't be.

OP one more thing - don't get roped into doing all their holiday laundry when they get home!

I’ve been lurking from the start and I’m very glad to see that you’ve taken control of the situation and sorted out a lovely break for you and the baby.

You’re absolutely right that DH has created this situation, so any fall out is all on him.

I wouldn't fancy going on holiday without my DH with such a young baby.

I went on holiday on my own with my DD when she was a 9 months old. We had four days in Italy and it was wonderful. One of my best memories of her early years.

Stand firm OP.

I, too, am intrigued to know how they will all cope without you there. DH will actually have to parent his children and spend time with his mother. It’s gonna be a steep learning curve for him I feel.

I've been lurking here from the beginning too! Wishing you a lovely, relaxing holiday, OP.

Just de-lurking to say well done OP. I really hope you have a great time!