I’ll try to keep this brief but I feel really strange about it ...
Tinder date
I’m 38 he’s 36
Spoke for three weeks on tinder and WhatsApp before agreeing to meet
Have been single and celibate for three years
Got fairly drunk on date and we kissed at the bus stop and then I started to walk home
He followed me and walked with me although I told him to get his bus
To be honest I naively thought it sweet he wanted to walk me home ... such a sap
He came in and we started to kiss, etc.
Went to bed, things were going fine, I noticed he was slightly “rough” i.e when on top he would pin down my arms or shoulders and go quite hard. But nothing gave me alarm bells...
Next bit is TMI so apologies...
He was a bit drunk and we’d been at it a good while - he said because he was drunk it was taking him longer to get there
He was behind me with hands on hips
He then with no warning or anything penetrated me anally
I screamed as it hurt and said no
He said “relax it’s in now anyway” and carried on
It took me about five seconds to scramble away and then I realised I was bleeding slightly
He flopped back in the bed and accused me of “ruining the mood” and insisted “he would have stopped”
Stupidly I let him stay the night (I felt embarrassed and small and stupid and guilty)
Stupidly I gave him a blow job so he came (again the whole time I felt like crying)
I dropped him off home the next morning
He text me three days later saying he didn’t want to see me again
I am on the pill plus a condom was used
I told my close friend and she laughed and said something along the lines of “ha men are chancers aren’t they?”
But somehow that’s not good enough for me
I’ve continued to feel stupid and small and embarrassed about this for three weeks and I also feel angry at him ...
Should I be “over this” by now?
Move turned down two tinder dates since and feel like I have no energy / complete apathy for this whole thing
Sorry it’s so long and I’ve been a member of MN for a good ten years although not an active poster
Please don’t post just to tell me how much of an arsehole I am for continuing it afterward / letting him stay. In hindsight I know that... at the time I just felt so stupid and small and embarrassed