AIBU to not want to spend this much time with MIL?

[1stTimeMummy35]

My DD is 5 months old. Since birth my parents and MIL have visited her once per week. No issues with this initially as it was generally for a cup of tea and an hour or so with DD.

However, my MIL visits are getting longer and longer. For the last 6-8 weeks she has been spending 5-6 hours in my home. It is always during the week so DH is at work.

She also brings food for lunch that I’m expected to cook for her whilst she looks after DD. I have never asked her to do this. I then need to spend the afternoon making teas/coffee etc even although I’m desperately tired as DD is teething and isn’t sleeping great at all.

I just feel that she is over staying her welcome a little bit but not sure if IABU? She only lives 10 mins away so not as if she is travelling for hours to come and visit.

I was hoping to try to limit her visits by saying something along the lines of ‘pop over for a few hours in the morning before I meet x in the afternoon’ rather than being direct as don’t want to hurt her feelings or cause any family upset.

We do get on well but she can be overbearing and needy and has done a few things to irritate me since DD was born. All trivial but still annoying at the same time! So I’m not sure if that is clouding my judgement or whether I’m justified in not wanting to spend this amount of time with my MIL each week?

My dh used to work away mon/ fri

If his parents wanted to see the children they would come to the house and I would go and do something nice.

Take yourself out of the equation op
The sooner the better

This would drive me bonkers.

I also have a five month old and have found this is a time when they actually do need more stimulation than in the early days, a perfect reason to start lots of classes/groups and not be so available at home.

Also don’t forget you have the power here, you ‘have’ the thing MIL wants so you can start being firmer with what works for you and even if she doesn’t like it she’ll have to put up with it for the sake of seeing her grandchild.

Figure out what works for you (maybe two hours on a set morning each week so you don’t have the angst of arranging things all the time) and implement it. Stick to it. If her plans change then it’s her that misses that week, not you running around changing your plans to accommodate her.

And the lunch thing to me seems cheeky, yes she brought food but expecting you to cook it for her?! If she really cared she’d bring home cooked dishes ready to microwave or something!

It’s lovely she cares and is interested but she needs to just chill a bit and support you as a new Mum rather than be a hindrance.

Ugh this thread puts me off the idea of ever having any more children. What is wrong with these women 🤦🏼‍♀️ zero boundaries. But as a lot have said already it is mainly your DHs fault.

Thanks all for your comments. After an awkward conversation between DH and MIL it has been agreed over the month that she will visit me twice, I’ll visit her once and DH will arrange a visit at the weekend. So still seeing DD weekly but mixing it up a little. I’ve also asked that we keep visits to a few hours to tie in with nap times (which is true as I’m trying to get DD into a routine)!

Can’t say it was a very enjoyable conversation but I guess it was an important one to have!

Thank you all for giving me the push to actually make it happen!

Well done!

That sounds like a grear outcome for everyone! Well done!

That’s great news. Well done. You have been very fair I think

Great update op well done

Well done

Yaaay! Well done!!
Make sure they stick to the arrangements though, and things don't slide back to where they were. Any sign of sliding, nip it firmly in the bud - they've shown they can have a grown up conversation, and MIL can accept boundaries. That makes it easier in future should it be required again.