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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pissed off at dh asking for 'relief' at 38 weeks pregnant

160 replies

newuname · 07/07/2019 09:19

Name changed but regular poster...
Just looking for perspective really and a bit of a rant!
Currently 38+4 and feeling pretty fed up and uncomfortable. Usual stuff - not sleeping, hips hurt, not very mobile, look like a whale. Never felt less sexual.
Lying in bed this morning dh asks me for 'relief'. So... I've had zero sex drive throughout this pregnancy so I do get that he might be a bit 'frustrated', but really??? When I told him that it wasn't really up for it his response was (TMI alert) 'all you've got to do is form a fist'. This was all quite light hearted and I've suggested that he's more than capable of doing that himself....
But... AIBU to just be a little bit pissed off that he's even pushing it right now? I think it probably points to a wider issue that I don't feel he really 'gets' how I'm feeling at the moment, but prepared to be told that I'm maybe being a little U

OP posts:
MenuPlant · 07/07/2019 15:14

So many women really do think their job is to sexually service their men, and to tell other women this is their job too.

Oh and that if they don't want to (at 38 weeks pg) they are prudish, headed for divorce, responsible for all the ills in the world etc.

Men have really done a number on society haven't they.

Oh we can't wank without misogynist porn
Oh we can't get off without a female orifice provided
Oh it's a need it's a human right

And all the women say yes, that's correct. Hop to it, op!

MenuPlant · 07/07/2019 15:14

Actually most haven't said that they've said it's fine for her to say no

Which is good!

Cheeserton · 07/07/2019 15:15

How dare he

Hmm Yes, God forbid one half of a married couple would request sexual contact to discover the other isn't keen... It's obviously an outrage, particularly in the context of sex twice in 38 weeks.... Hmm

You say he asked nicely. I don't think he sounds like Hitler here, many of you are absurdly off base with your responses (especially the violent ones).

tashac89 · 07/07/2019 15:26

At the you only need to make a fist comment I'd fetch him the laptop, some ky and some wet wipes and possibly fuck off out for a bit. I am not a sex toy. Can't say I'd be annoyed at him asking for sex though

BraveGoldie · 07/07/2019 15:47

Mother of cats, three people at least have suggested punching him - one poster in the stomach and another in the face, and another agreeing and reinforcing. Someone else mentioned the groin I think. No the tone was not joking as far as I could tell. One explicitly mentions wanting to cause him pain. That is not to mention the horrible insults.

I am quite sure posts recommending violence to women on this site would be taken down and that any attempt to joke on such a topic would rightly be seen as disgusting - so your suggestion that if it were joking it should be ok, I also disagree with.

I actually think if we read a thread like this, with the genders reversed, on a man's site, we would campaign to close the site down.

It is a shame, because there are many wonderful women on the site who post interesting, thoughtful, funny, eye-opening things from a wide spectrum of opinions.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 07/07/2019 15:55

@MenuPlant I think it's more strange for a man not to be able to control their urges until their partner is able to satisfy them Confused also my DH isn't the only man I know who has been this way inclined, it really isn't that uncommon.

I didn't advise the OP to get on with anything, I just asked if it was that much of an effort - also if he would reciprocate if she was the one asking.
He didn't pester, coerce, force OP it was just him trying his luck and failed no need for PPs to be so hasty and vile towards the poor guy.

Yes, men having to watch porn to wank is grim, reality though for the most part.

floraloctopus · 07/07/2019 15:56

MN needs an emoticon to indicate that yes, I am really joking.

SrSteveOskowski · 07/07/2019 15:56

I'd have formed a fist alright.....
YANBU OP.

Beaverdam · 07/07/2019 15:59

This cant be serious. Im sorry but i find this disgusted and would be so pissed of if my partner wanted me to wank him off that far into pregnancy.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 07/07/2019 16:00

Yet another man hating thread.

Glad you can see you need to communicate with him OP, tbh I loved having sex when pregnant, not everyone feels like you do.

Please don’t do anything you don’t want, intimacy is so I have more than sex/sexual pleasure

WhatsInAName19 · 07/07/2019 16:10

Yes, men having to watch porn to wank is grim, reality though for the most part.

Most of them might choose to watch porn. That's absolutely not the same as having to. Do you think that nobody wanked before VHS?

And whilst it might be your choice/your partner's choice for you to be solely responsible for catering to his sexual appetite (assuming that's actually the case in reality), that is NOT the norm and neither should it be, so your advice from that angle is going to be of extremely limited assistance to most people. It is not healthy for a partner to be a sexual aid to provide relief. That's what masturbation is for. Sexual contact with a partner is for both partners. Even when one partner is "giving", it should be because they want to and are deriving pleasure from making their partner happy, not because they feel obliged to fulfill their role as a living, breathing fleshlight.

JacquesHammer · 07/07/2019 16:29

Yet another man hating thread

Oh come on.

Yet another tired trope....

MenuPlant · 07/07/2019 16:33

But not all men have partners misspolly let alone boys.

Most of the boys at my school were circumcised, they used to wank, I know as they discussed what they used to wank with ie to use as lubricant. I didn't know until I was older that it wasnt something uncircumcised men needed!

I suppose this is an excuse for paying for sex as well. Its only any good with a female orifice involved. Not saying that of this particular man obv. Interesting though. Have never heard of a man who didn't like wanking before.

Bourbonbiccy · 07/07/2019 16:34

Most of them might choose to watch porn. That's absolutely not the same as having to. Do you think that nobody wanked before VHS? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

floraloctopus · 07/07/2019 16:36

Have never heard of a man who didn't like wanking before.

I doubt that they shout it from the rooftops.

Bourbonbiccy · 07/07/2019 16:38

Have never heard of a man who didn't like wanking before.

I can honestly say I have never asked.

MenuPlant · 07/07/2019 16:40

Floral you are honestly suggesting that there are lots of men and boys who don't enjoy maturbation?

OK interesting.

The idea that the only way they can find sexual relief is inside a woman is worrying tbh

MenuPlant · 07/07/2019 16:41

I mean in terms of male entitlement.

MenuPlant · 07/07/2019 16:41

This is incel territory isn't it

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 07/07/2019 16:41

My dh didn't want to have sex with me at this point of pregnancy, the fact I had our baby inside me put him off, he still would have asked for other stuff though, whether he would have got it or not depended on my mood... There's no harm in asking!!!

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 07/07/2019 16:48

You don't ask you don't get! Really don't see the issue with it, you say yes or no and then move on. Can't believe how many women don't lend a hand tbh, it's nice to be nice and all

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 07/07/2019 16:56

Misspolly... My husband is circumcised, never once has he said he doesn't enjoy the sensation of a hand job whether it's from me or himself, he gets off from both... Maybe it's just my dh that feels that way but I don't think you can say your dh doesn't enjoy because of that

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 07/07/2019 17:07

@WhatsInAName19 you have a point about choosing not having to but we aren't in a day and age where porn isn't readily available and the proof is in the pudding with how much the porn industry is/has flourished since being a "thing".
Also before VHS and mainstream porn, men had more worrying ways of satisfying themselves.

@MenuPlant but the biology of sex is for their to be a partner involved, so your claims of having to have a woman involved (or a man!) being "worrying" is nothing more but basic human instinct. I can't get my kicks by myself, dont have no thrill in it as I much prefer to save the sexual burgers for my partner to enjoy together.
@sparkly I'm not sure whether it's just my DH then. I think when he had no choice (being single) he might of done or experimenting when he was younger but he genuinely hates the sensation, he would much rather intercourse.
Then again I've met men who don't enjoy oral sex, might just be preference I guess.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 07/07/2019 17:08

Sexual URGES not sexual bloody burgers!! Blush

MenuPlant · 07/07/2019 17:10

'Also before VHS and mainstream porn, men had more worrying ways of satisfying themselves.'

What on earth does this mean?

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