To feel pissed off at dh asking for 'relief' at 38 weeks pregnant

[newuname]

Name changed but regular poster...
Just looking for perspective really and a bit of a rant!
Currently 38+4 and feeling pretty fed up and uncomfortable. Usual stuff - not sleeping, hips hurt, not very mobile, look like a whale. Never felt less sexual.
Lying in bed this morning dh asks me for 'relief'. So... I've had zero sex drive throughout this pregnancy so I do get that he might be a bit 'frustrated', but really??? When I told him that it wasn't really up for it his response was (TMI alert) 'all you've got to do is form a fist'. This was all quite light hearted and I've suggested that he's more than capable of doing that himself....
But... AIBU to just be a little bit pissed off that he's even pushing it right now? I think it probably points to a wider issue that I don't feel he really 'gets' how I'm feeling at the moment, but prepared to be told that I'm maybe being a little U

I'm so glad my dh has never punched me for asking for sexual favours

When I was pregnant I was happy to "relieve" dh from time to time as I'm sure many other women have been/are so it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that OP'S DH thought that she might be happy to. He did nothing wrong in asking and she did nothing wrong in saying no. He didn't constantly pester her or force her or get angry that she said no, really doesn't warrant some of the shitty things that have been said about him on here.

What does he do for you!? Cup of tea, massage. Does he do his share of the housework. That would decide it for me. A lazy oaf would get nothing.
Both my husbands did nothing and half the time didn't work either. Yet were constantly banging on about sex. Needless to say they didn't get any.

Feel abit sorry for him tbh.
My DH is in the same boat as yours but doesn't masturbate as his sexual pleasures only come from me, I'd also never suggest for him to "just have a wank" either as most of the time for a bloke, it's means watching porn, which is disgusting.
If all he wants is a handjob then is it really that much of a big deal to just satisfy him?

More to the point, if the roles were reversed would he care about your sexual needs as much as you're expected to care about his?

'My DH is in the same boat as yours but doesn't masturbate as his sexual pleasures only come from me'

Huh?

Also, men don't need porn to masturbate, are you serious?

Oh and see you told heavily pregnant op to lie back and think of England.

Lovely!

@MenuPlant he doesn't like the sensation from just handjobs either from himself or me(he's circumcised) so my DH has been without sex almost the whole of my pregnancy but will sometimes ask to see if he's going to get lucky.

I didn't say all men, I said most would end up watching porn.

jennymanara prostitutes?? Seriously?? You must only hold hand with 'real gentlemen' because DH's language, based on the OP, is hardly worthy of a navvy. Jesus. Makes me wonder what your opinion of Joe Public really is...

OP, he asked. You declined. End of.
Mountains and molehills IMO. It's a complete non issue for me. Tell him to not use a sock, chuck a loo roll at him and give him some quiet time. Job done.

I think asking is fine
I think him accepting your refusal politely is fine

As soon as he doesn’t accept it, that’s when the problem occurs

God some of these posts. Domestic violence is never ok, so telling someone to punch her husband in the stomach/face/groin is truly awful.

Wait till the babies born ... it will be even more tiring tell him ..

Is there a moderator I assume there is .... encouraging violence is never acceptable

I think some PPs might do well to aquiant themselves with a dictionary and find out what the word "prudish" actually means before bandying it around as an insult. For all you know, OP might belong to a swinger's club/lead her DH round on a collar/suspend herself from the ceiling by her nipple piercings of a normal Friday night. That doesn't mean she isn't quite within her rights not to want to have sex at any given time or to be fucked off that her DH is suggesting she should submit to being used as a masturbatory aid when she's told him she's not in the mood. It's demeaning and insulting. She is an actual person, not an object. He just needs to have a wank like a normal person.

If you're struggling to understand why this is an issue, imagine this: You are feeling horny. Your male partner is currently experiencing a temporary medical condition that has left him struggling with his mobility, extremely uncomfortable, unhappy with the way he looks and definitely not feeling like having sex. Despite knowing this, you decide to ask him to bring you to orgasm. He says he doesn't feel like it (which you actually already knew anyway). You say "come on, you only have to use your hands". Does that sound OK to you? Would you treat you partner like this? If he caved in to your pressure and did as you asked, would you genuinely enjoy being masturbated by someone who has told you they would rather not?

He's not unreasonable to ask and you're not unreasonable to say no.

It's not like he is some sex pest lol, he hasn't harassed you for sex all through your pregnancy and been cruel about anything, he's trying his luck, and it hasn't worked.

The most hilarious post was (and when I stopped reading on) using that sort of terminology I'd be worried he is using prostitutes .....oh MN I love it 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

He asked, you said no.

No punches necessary. He's hardly a sex pest.

Christ.

Yanbu

Erm, I think one poster suggested the punching? (And probably joking I imagine). Possibly a little extreme to extrapolate this into "man hating mumsnetters contributing to high divorce rate".

He has hands. Tell him to fucking use them.

I think it's the fact that he thinks he needs relief and clearly hasn't thought that maybe you are more in need of relief from your discomfort. This comment on its own wouldn't piss me off if he was otherwise supportive, attentive and caring during pregnancy and showed some empathy for your discomfort. It's the selfishness that irks. He definitely shouldn't mention it again if he values his life.

OP you could offer relief in the form of two house bricks. Never mind the bollocks, he won't need them.

Sex only twice in 38 weeks is really not a lot. Even during pregnancy. Of course he tried to initiate some sexual contact. And he joked about it when you said no, so it's hardly as if he pressured you.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to but don't get annoyed with him for simply trying to initiate sexual contact with his wife who he loves. Lack of sex can cause really serious problems in a marriage, and you will be feeling less into it once the baby comes than you are now. It might be worth trying to set aside one night soon where you have a romantic meal and maybe he can give you a back rub, and see where it goes? You don't want to be one of those couples who wakes up one morning and realises that they haven't had sex in over a year. That's a real marriage killer.

He sounds thoughtless
Tell him to use his own hand

I was very highly sexed when pregnant but if I hadn't been I would have tried to give dh some form of relief,maybe not so much if he'd had worded it like that though.Theres nothing wrong with wanting your partner to get you off but the terminology does help!

Asking for relief is such a turn off that you being pregnant isn't the issue in my book.

@Anerak. Different takes on intimacy here. Wanking off my husband is not one of them for me, especially the way he went about it.

Misspolly it's very unusual to meet a man who only orgasms with a partner and never masturbates. Must be tough when he's been single.

I imagine you understand that.

Still, your advice to op to just get on with it is grim.

Also the idea that men need porn to masturbate. Grim.