Random child hit my baby

[bluehatbaby]

Name changed. Don't usually post this kind of thing. Really angry. I was waiting in the queue at shopping centre toilets. My 8 month old son was crying and I was (still am) super stressed out as was bursting for a wee and had hysterical child to contend with. Woman stood next to me with child I would say was about 5. She kept saying 'naughty baby naughty baby' - I ignored. Thought she was quite cute. She then turned and smacked my son on the top of his head, hard, at which point he screamed the fucking place down. The woman grabbed her daughter's arm and said nothing to her. I in all fairness went a bit nuts and told her to control her child. She snapped at me 'she's fucking autistic you stupid cow' and dragged her daughter by her hood out of the toilets.

I literally don't know how to feel about it. Pissed off. Ds has now cried himself to sleep and has a red mark on his head.

AIBU to ask mn for some words of wisdom as I'm not very calm and just want to cry.

To all those squabbling over the correct way to refer to people with autism Im happy to tell you are all wrong 😅. At least according to a study carried out in the U.K. in 2015. (So maybe a little out of date) Which terms should be used to describe autism? Perspectives from the UK autism community. Over 3000 members of the autism community (people within autism, parents, friends and professionals) were asked about which terms they prefer to use. The conclusion was a clear These findings demonstrate that there is no single way of describing autism that is universally accepted and preferred by the UK’s autism community.

Ie it’s not a good idea to try telling other people how they should be describing themselves or their friends or family.

I thought it interesting that about 45% people with autism endorsed the term ‘aspie’ while only around 12% of the professionals surveyed who were involved with people with autism would endorse the term ‘
This study is also used by the NATIONAL AUTISTIC SOCIETY as can be seen on this link.

It sounds more like the behaviour of a much younger child - the sort of thing toddler might do.

The mother was a dick end off!

I have 5DC and 2 of my DC are autistic,when you have a DC that has extra needs you learn what they're triggers are and you make sure you bloody pay attention,I would have been mortified if one of my DC did that to someone's baby,I would have explained,apologised alot and I would have spoke to my DC and removed them from the situation.

She should have moved her DC so that she was next to your baby(the Mum I mean) once she could see how her DC was reacting to your baby crying.

I hope your DS is okay bless him.

I’m sorry, but I’ve worked with a LOT of children with ASD and have never come across one who did not display any warning signs before becoming physical.

My ASD daughter is one in a million then :)

Seriously OP don't sweat it, I can't see how you could have reacted differently - it's horrible when little bubs are in danger. From my experience I can easily see things from the mum's POV and I think as people have said she just lashed out because she was having a tricky day (I've done the same once or twice). No one is perfect and she may well have been trying to balance her daughter having a meltdown because she needed a wee versus a meltdown due to noise etc. All (ASD) children are different and we generally speaking are all doing the best we can. All the best to you and your lovely bubs :)

I doubt the mum of the little girl was ever going to get it right. Should have picked up the trigger. Should have apologised. Should have left the toilet etc. Any child who misbahaves parents shouts autism (course they do!) This post is ridiculous. An attempt to make your reaction acceptable. You went nuts. She shouted at you. No one came out of this well.

GrabbyGertie. That research is useless. Everyone in the autistic community is autistic, but the researchers asked Tom, Dick and Harry how they preferred to refer to autistic people. The only understanding that matters here involves the wishes and feelings of actually autistic people, and this offensive bit of toilet paper research tells us nothing about those.

How fucking offensive.

I wonder what it is about autism that makes people think it's acceptable to say stuff like I dread what will happen when all these autistic kids get older, or calling a 5 year old child with autism a 'little bitch' or saying a child with autism needs a slap. Replace 'autism' with 'downs syndrome' and see if you would still post it. Of course you fucking wouldn't.

shame you didn't bob the little bitch on the head and her mother. Fucking disgraceful. Of course i wouldn't and you can't, but it's always OK when they're little bastards do it to yours

The only thing disgraceful here is you saying it is ok to hit a 5 year old, disabled or not

I wonder what it is about autism that makes people think it's acceptable to say stuff like I dread what will happen when all these autistic kids get older, or calling a 5 year old child with autism a 'little bitch' or saying a child with autism needs a slap. Replace 'autism' with 'downs syndrome' and see if you would still post it. Of course you fucking wouldn't
Fucking spot on

Regardless of anyone's opinion here on who was right or wrong in this situation, that is an absolutely disgraceful post and a disgusting way to talk about a 5yo child.

Agreed. Wow.

So what will this kid be like when he's 20? You would never know he's autistic until he attacks
What a way to talk about a human being. Cripes.

Can you imagine how the mother of the other child would feel if she read some of the responses on this thread, I don’t think I’ve come across a thread before that is so lacking in compassion and humanity.

I'm not sure if some people struggle with the idea that autistic people have inner worlds just as nuanced as anyone else's, or if they simply don't care.

If said child can't cope with busy shopping areas etc., then don't take them!!

That’s about as sensible and compassionate as suggesting that the OP shouldn’t take her baby shopping if she can’t stop him from crying loudly

Yes, the mother should have apologised. Although I can totally understand why she didn’t reprimand her child there and then and was obviously desperate to remove her from the situation as quickly as possible.

The ignorance of some of these comments makes me feel a bit sick.

would you have believed the mother if she asked to go before you in the queue because her autistic child cannot wait and cannot bear loud noises but does however need to use the toilet in a hurry?

If said child can't cope with busy shopping areas etc., then don't take them!!

Quite right! Can’t have us “normal” people being inconvenienced by the disabled, can we? Shut them all away!

The ignorance of some of these comments makes me feel a bit sick

Agreed. So fucking depressing.

People should be wary about how they speak about people with special needs. Any one of us could have to cope with this at any time.

I think this might be one of those things you may like to file under 'things I'll see differently when I've calmed down and had a chance to see it from an impartial bystanders pov'. Whenever I've seen spats between other Mums, it is rarely only 1 person's fault.

If there was a queue for the toilets, with a crying baby, and I was with DD I'd use the accessible ones. She wouldn't hit a baby but she'd definitely hit me or fall screaming to the floor.

It might be that the woman's DD was only recently diagnosed and she didn't recognise the build-up or didn't know she could use the accessible loo.

Hope you're feeling ok now.