Random child hit my baby

[bluehatbaby]

Name changed. Don't usually post this kind of thing. Really angry. I was waiting in the queue at shopping centre toilets. My 8 month old son was crying and I was (still am) super stressed out as was bursting for a wee and had hysterical child to contend with. Woman stood next to me with child I would say was about 5. She kept saying 'naughty baby naughty baby' - I ignored. Thought she was quite cute. She then turned and smacked my son on the top of his head, hard, at which point he screamed the fucking place down. The woman grabbed her daughter's arm and said nothing to her. I in all fairness went a bit nuts and told her to control her child. She snapped at me 'she's fucking autistic you stupid cow' and dragged her daughter by her hood out of the toilets.

I literally don't know how to feel about it. Pissed off. Ds has now cried himself to sleep and has a red mark on his head.

AIBU to ask mn for some words of wisdom as I'm not very calm and just want to cry.

I have 2 colleagues with children with autism and they both say their children 'are autistic'. This always makes me think of MN.

Anyway, I'd be shocked and upset by this OP. The other parent should have acted sooner if her daughter is prone to aggression. But what can you do? Just put it behind you.

oh dear. It sounds like there were no winners in that encounter. a poor little baby hurt, his mother naturally worried and shaken up, an autistic girl not coping and another mother not coping in response. I'd wager that she goes home and has a good cry too about how she can't even go to the toilet and manage her child and how hard life is.

I'm glad you've calmed down and feel a bit better OP. Hope your baby is ok too.

I find it odd how many adults are pig ignorant about autism and sn, so we are quits I guess

Couldn't agree more. And yet it's autistic people who apparently struggle with flexibility of thought and social interaction?

Ha fucking ha. Bitterly.

Because if that ain't irony I don't know what is.

Hang on. Is anyone here saying that they would not have been upset that their baby had just been smacked on the head by a random child? Honestly? And that they might not express that upset to some degree?

Because I'll call bullshit on that one.

Scared I'm going to be told I'm a bad mum now for not getting my son out of his pram.

Don't worry, threads like this always tend to descend into people purposely picking at your post to try desperately to find a way that you were actually in the wrong, not the twat who was rude. Said this earlier, that this would happen. Pay no attention to anyone trying to twist this so that you were wrong for having a baby who was crying. Or that you were wrong for saying something, because the mother might have been havig a bad day..or whatever. Theres no excuse, and she was rude. Simple as. If she was having a bad day, she was still rude.

Only so many times you can be that polite in a day when you're stressed and random people are having a go at you I imagine.

Its not a random person having a go at you though, its someone reacting to your child hitting their baby, quite different.

Hang on. Is anyone here saying that they would not have been upset that their baby had just been smacked on the head by a random child? Honestly? And that they might not express that upset to some degree?

Literally no one has said that.

Read the thread.

We'll wait.

The "she was probably having a bad day" excuse gets trotted out on here all the time and I can't stand it. I could be having the day from absolute hell but I would still apologise to someone if my kid hit their baby

I've read the thread. Don't be patronising. That really is the sub-text with some posts.

It is deeply unreasonable if you expect a parent not to react to their infant being assaulted (even by a child) because the person that assaulted their infant may or may not be autistic.

I totally empathise that it is very hard to be the parent of the child that hurt another child, particularly if they are autistic. But as that parent, surely you have to understand that if your child hurts another child (and remember that you're the one that has the knowledge that your child is autistic, the parent of the victim doesn't), the other parent is going to be understandably upset? Just as you would if your child were hurt.

That parent hurt her own child, she dragged her by her hood. So not exactly a decent mother eh?

OP was upset, rightly so, with the mother not the child.

And that's some kind of bullshit about it being OPs fault whoever came up with that.

OP I hope you and your baby are ok. And I really hope the wee girl is getting proper support and help too.

But equally if you’re in a public space with a baby around young children you need to take some of the responsibility for ensuring they’re not too close to the other person’s space

Victim blaming?

I can see it must have been a horrible situation for both of you.
My youngest child is autistic and there was an unfortunate situation where he grabbed a little girl's hair while we were in a bakery.
I was naturally mortified and apologised, bought the little girl a gingerbread man while her lovely mum assured me that she understood and that it wasn't my fault. I just couldn't wait to get home and cry!

I’m sorry, but I’ve worked with a LOT of children with ASD and have never come across one who did not display any warning signs before becoming physical.

Presumably this woman KNEW her child was autistic, therefore must have known that repeatedly saying ‘naughty baby’ was leading up to something.

Atrocious to not at least just say ‘sorry, she’s autistic’. Three words. Not apologising for the ASD, just expressing sorrow that an 8 month old was hurt.

I am extremely calm and collected due to my profession, but even I would have to say something cutting (to the adult, not the child) if my tiny baby was hurt by another.

I’m sorry, but I’ve worked with a LOT of children with ASD and have never come across one who did not display any warning signs before becoming physical.

I want to shout this from the rooftops. There are always, always tells beforehand. For my kids and for my service users. It's up to me as Mum/support worker, to understand them and take action to protect my kids/service user and anyone around.

I want to shout this from the rooftops. There are always, always tells beforehand.

This has always been the case for me too. Once I learnt to read them, everything became a lot easier, though still stressful at times I have to say.

I think the fact that the little girl's mum dragged her out of the toilets shows that the mum felt mortified by the incident.
Her response shows that she was at breaking point and couldn't wait to get home.
I appreciate this doesn't help the fact that the child hit the baby and I too would have been upset (but understanding) if she had hit my baby so I totally get that.
I do feel sorry for the other mum too though. I would place bets that she rushed straight home and sobbed her heart out both through guilt that she didn't react quick enough and her daughter hurt the baby and also for the fact that every day events are such a trial for her and her daughter.
I'm speaking from experience. I avoid play areas with my little (autistic) one for this very reason. I'm terrified that something like this will happen.

At the same time, we don't know how recently the Mum of the little girl found out that she was autistic. We don't know how capable she is of learning how to see the tells, and the coping techniques, with which to minimise the opportunities for situations like this to happen.

That however, is entirely independent of a mother of a baby that was hit on the head hard enough to leave a mark being upset that her child was hurt, and that there was no kind of acknowledgement or apology from the parent of the child that did it, apart from a rather nasty remark, and the poor child being dragged away by her hood.

With some children it is a slow build up then sudden 'meltdown'. My son goes to asd specialist school and they don't always see the signs.

Regardless of whether the other child was autistic she hit your child and you have every right to be upset. The mother should have acted sooner and distracted or moved her child away. Whether she was having a bad day is quite frankly irrelevant, your baby was defenceless. You called her out on her child's behaviour and rightly so. She should have apologised. Yanbu to be upset.

It sounds like this was the first time the little girl had done anything like this by the way the mum reacted. She was clearly mortified, embarrassed, shocked and going through a whole range of emotions.
A child saying "naughty baby" (who was described as "cute" by OP) doesn't sound like a child about to turn aggressive so it seems it was a sudden spur of the moment thing that took the mum by surprise.
She just wanted to remove her daughter from the situation and disappear.

Autism isn’t an excuse for assaulting a baby. A head injury can have serious consequences for one so young. At the very least the mother should have apologised! If her child cant be trusted to behave she should keep her away from other children. I’d probably have popped to the doctor as well because if it’s left a red mark that’s lasted for hours it was obviously quite a hard impact and could have caused a bleed on the brain or anything.

I am really sorry that your baby got hit .

My son is 7 and autistic and has challenging behaviours that go with this . It sounds as though this girl was very sound sensitive to your baby crying . The mother I feel should have picked up on her distress with her saying naughty baby repeatedly .
Imagine maybe her child needed the toilet or something which is why she didn’t move away to avoid this incident happening .

Definitely could have been handled better by the mother . My son has lashed out before and it’s moftifying . People who say control your child regardless of autism sadly do not understand much about the condition . I think she should most definitely have apologised I no I would have done this .

Not making excuses for the lack of apology , just thinking the mother of autistic child may have been having a challenging day . Sometimes it’s unavoidable going to busy places .

Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Seriously? Since when was it ok for any child to smack a baby? My nephew is autistic and has meltdowns. I can't imagine my brother not apologizing in this situation. Of course, it's hard managing an autistic child, but how are they ever going to learn social behaviour if you don't pull them up on it.

We don't even know if the girl was actually autistic. Perhaps this was just an excuse for her daughter's poor behaviour. Like mother, like daughter perhaps?

No. An average five year old wouldn't do that.
An average five year old would not repeat "Naughty baby". They may whisper to their mum "That baby's crying is annoying!" but they wouldn't hit the baby no matter how "poor" their behaviour was.