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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
DonkeyHohtay · 06/07/2019 21:09

Come on folks, it's not op's problem if her lodger is skint! She shouldn't have to "be nice" and tolerate all these extra people in HER house for 18 sodding days

shiveringtimber · 06/07/2019 21:15

This is a ghastly situation. Obviously they can't stay but it's very likely that this man doesn't make enough money to afford to put his family in other accommodation (as PP have breezily suggested Airbnb or a hotel). He can't afford to take time off to be with them during the week and likely they won't be going out because they can't afford to. It's a mess. I don't think you can or should be unkind to him but you really have to make it clear that this is your home and that he shouldn't expect to treat it as if it were his, too.

Howlovely · 06/07/2019 21:20

He absolutely doesn't get to tell you it's fine for him to bring his family to stay in your home for any length of time! I can't believe he thinks he can ignore your wishes on this. I think it would help if you had a copy of his signed lodger's agreement/contract handy to show him that he agreed to not having guests to stay and that if he intends to ignore this he is wilfully breaking the contract and you therefore have no choice but to terminate it. Your needs/wants/preferences don't even need to come into it so he can't argue or try to change your mind. Just point out that he agreed to certain terms and conditions in order to stay in your house and if he wishes to break those terms and conditions he has to leave. Good luck! He is being very, very cheeky.

prettybird · 06/07/2019 21:26

If he has spent all his spare cash bringing his family over, well, he shouldn't have until he'd agreed some for them to stay Confused ....that didn't involve him imposing on his landlady and breaching the terms of his lodger's contract Hmm

I agree: No is a complete sentence in this case Grin

Ginger1982 · 06/07/2019 21:28

Hell no!

NauseousMum · 06/07/2019 21:34

No way, he's being really fucking cheeky. I would text him tonight, tell him sooner than later.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 06/07/2019 21:45

3 ideas, say absolutely not happening, nope, no, no chance
Say fine but charge rent for everyone staying plus cleaning charges and breakages ie making it more expensive than staying in a hotel and take yourself off to a nice hotel for two weeks using the money
Or say no they can't stay but (if you feel particularly bad about it) say you won't charge him rent for the 2 weeks they're here so he can afford a hotel/b&b

CellularBlanket · 06/07/2019 21:46

We had a lodger who invited his girlfriend for "the weekend". We were two flatsharers but it was our house. She stayed three weeks, was always there semi-naked, always all over him if he was there too, used all the hot water and all the tea/coffee/milk etc. It was a nightmare

InspirationWontCome · 06/07/2019 22:05

I would hate this too OP, would be really hard to deal with. I agree you should tell him no, BUT I also feel so sorry for them!! Imagine being away from your family for that long? It's not your problem obviously, but what a shame.

SuzieQ10 · 06/07/2019 22:17

Offer him the option of having his family stay for the weekend (or long weekend perhaps), but make it clear sharing the small space for two weeks will not be possible and will result In him having to move out, with notice starting immediately.
I would probably end his tenancy anyway due the the sheer cheek of putting you in this uncomfortable situation.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 06/07/2019 22:17

Hes obviously desperate

Is he? Apart from mentioning a friend who "wasn't surprised" at his expectation, I don't think OP's said anything that suggests this?

Even if he is, that's hardly OP's issue to address - and certainly not at the cost of having her home taken over for an uncertain amount of time

If he has spent all his spare cash bringing his family over, well, he shouldn't have until he'd agreed some(where) for them to stay that didn't involve him imposing on his landlady and breaching the terms of his lodger's contract

I totally agree, but actually it could be even worse than that. If we accept the thing of his having spent his last few quid out of desperation to see his family - and if he's presumptious enough to expect OP to put them up - how do we know he's bought return tickets for them??

TitsInAbsentia · 06/07/2019 22:33

Ok so if the lodger slobs around on the sofa he is almost certainly not going to keep his family in his room.

I'd also be massively worried it wasn't just 2 weeks/18 days....pretty hard to get shot of someone when they are in situ...

Bluerussian · 06/07/2019 22:50

Agree with what SusieQ said about suggesting they stay at yours for a weekend and then go to stay somewhere else. A good compromise.

Gojojogogogo · 06/07/2019 23:05

I feel so bad for the man and his family.
Side note, Why aren't lodgers allowed in living rooms?

ColdCottage · 06/07/2019 23:17

I wouldn't want this either.

I'd look up a couple of Airbnb options etc and print them of. Then sit down and say whilst you understand that he feels it would all be fine, that you've given it a lot of thought and it's not something you are comfortable with so he will need to find another option for his family for those two weeks.

I think it's perfectly reasonable given the arrangement and set up/size of your flat.

ColdCottage · 06/07/2019 23:21

By the way, I think if it is home as well, that banning him from working from home seems a bit harsh. Perhaps just ask him to work in his room. Like you say you want to be a kind landlord and if you take in a lodger they have to feel it's there home too, to an extent. Just my thoughts on that aspect.

Tattyroro · 06/07/2019 23:33

If you are inclined to help, you could suggest pet/ house sitting. My family has found free accommodation this way, looking after someone's home and pets while they're away. There are websites that facilitate this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/07/2019 23:37

I feel so bad for the man and his family.

Then you offer to host them for 18 days Hmm

InvisibleHamster · 07/07/2019 00:23

I would honestly worry that they might never leave and could try to throw you out!

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 07/07/2019 00:23

Thanks for the comments. I will give an update when I have one.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 07/07/2019 00:38

This thread, and another thread about guests have really stressed me out.

Home is home and so important to keep it as a happy place - not all this crap. You must say no OP and quickly.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 07/07/2019 01:44

The thing is, you told him NO and he 'keeps batting back' as you say in your OP and you really think this is okay? He's not even taking time off for them, and you think they're going to stay contained in one room? Honestly no one is this naive and this much of a walkover and to all the virtue signallers and kindness brigade, I hope they are PMing you to offer free accommodation for 2 weeks to all of them.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 07/07/2019 01:51

Side note, Why aren't lodgers allowed in living rooms?

Depends on the contract. I've lodged in some where I wasn't, but then again, I didn't want to be in the living room, the rent was very cheap, I worked a lot, was only there during the week and just wanted a place to crash in peace when I got home.

Personally some of the lodger places were better than houseshares where one dominant housemate took over the living room and kitchen.

All depends.

Bottom line is, though, that lodging is usually different from house or flatshares (and usually cheaper). Lots are 'no guests' or 'no guests without prior consent' or 'no guests for more than one night' because, well, you're living in your landlord's abode.

This guy is taking the piss, but he's able to because the landlord isn't telling him 'NO. NO way! They cannot come in here and stay for 18 days.'

Refilona · 07/07/2019 02:00

OP, you haven’t said where they’re from? Maybe as a pp mentioned, you just need to be a little more firm when explaining they can’t stay.

Motoko · 07/07/2019 02:11

I'm wondering if he's from a Muslim country, where women don't go out unchaperoned, which would mean his wife wouldn't go out, and might well be scared to.

Don't allow it OP. Don't let the guilt trippers get to you either.

He isn't very respectful, if he didn't even ask first, and then wouldn't listen to you. He's from a misogynist culture, isn't he?

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