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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
Nesssie · 08/07/2019 16:38

Usually they would find a space to work in, or in a cafe, etc. He's paying rent but he can only be there from 5pm-9am?

IncandescentShadow · 08/07/2019 17:00

Lulu49 Oh god I think I’d just say he needs to contribute a little extra for bills in the time they are here and leave it at that. The children and his wife could be delightful and it could actually be a lovely time with other ppl from a different culture. Poor guy probably only just afforded to get them over to see him.

Wow, I think theres a difference between having a lodger and running a charity from your own home providing free holiday accommodation for workers' families! He could also have gone back home if he's that desperate to see them on holiday.

Have you ever bought your own home and been responsible for paying the mortgage yourself and for sorting out any problems?

Presumably the OP also rented to someone in full time employment because she expected them to be out during normal working hours. A decent lodger would realise this and either work in his room or in a café, not sprawl around the living room making the OP feel awkward.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2019 17:02

Poor guy probably only just afforded to get them over to see him

If that's so, I wonder how it'll impact on the "other arrangements" he's said he'll make? Hmm

I was tempted to buy him (a TV)

Why would you do that? Better, surely, to point him to RockinHippy's suggestions, or even your nearest BHF shop?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 08/07/2019 17:07

The children and his wife could be delightful and it could actually be a lovely time with other ppl from a different culture

However "delightful" they may be, however fascinating their culture may be, it's still three adults and two children crammed into a 2 bed flat. OP didn't take in a lodger out of a desire to learn about his culture or to spend time with his family, she did it for extra income.

TheInvestigator · 08/07/2019 18:00

Why is everyone assuming that because he works away from home, the family must be poor.

My dad worked away; almost my whole life. He came home every 3 months (ish) but his jobs were abroad. We are very wealthy; I grew up very privileged and with lots of money because he worked away; that's where the money was for the industry. We'd spend our summer's wherever he was working and my mum would go out a few times during the year (we'd stay with grandparents).

Working away from home doesn't equal poor and unable to pay for your family.

plattercake · 08/07/2019 20:07

Good for you OP! I've lodged when younger and was the other extreme, always quiet as a mouse!

Advise him to get a cheap TV off ebay. There are millions. There are many that double as computer monitors. Also I would say that WFH was not in the agreement so that's not OK.

He does need to understand the difference between lodging and flat share.

You know about property obviously OP, but I reckon buying a TV and some multi-use furniture for the lodging room will probably save you hassle and be worth it in the long run. If you have made good provision in their room (desk, telly, kettle, maybe a mini fridge) and these are pointed out at the viewing stage, then its more obvious that they should not be expecting to have the run of the house as if it were a flatshare. But equally the lodger's room needs to be big enough to contain a whole life. If its like a nice B&B room, then they probably won't want to come out and you won't feel bad for enforcing the contract - not that you should anyway!

cstaff · 08/07/2019 20:13

The problem with providing a tv or anything else is that if it breaks you will be expected to replace it so I wouldn't go down that road OP.

Regard working from home just say no. It wasn't in his contract and if he wants it rewritten with the rent increased then maybe but let me think about it.

groundanchochillipowder · 08/07/2019 20:38

Jesus wept, OP, please do some more work on your boundaries. He is not poor. I lodged because it was cheap and I was saving up money for a house deposit. My dad used to do so to bank up funds to the max when he was working abroad.

STOP pandering or buying a TV or being wishy washy. This guy basically told you he was having them all over to stay in your house! Then dropped WFH on you, too.

I'd honestly get someone else and this time be very clear about rules - no WFH, no overnight guests, etc etc. If people don't like it they find somewhere else to live, you're not running a hotel, a B&B or a charity shop.

He's an engineer, not a bus boy on a zero hours contract.

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 20:52

I never said he was an engineer or that he was poor.

OP posts:
SagAloojah · 08/07/2019 21:36

He should be allowed to WFH - but just only in his room

Agreed

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 22:16

Further update.

Spoke to him about WFH. I said I wasn't thrilled as he hadn't discussed it with me and that if I have a week day off it's the only time I get to myself at home (and I want to listen to George Michael really loudly while making biscuits). He will work in his room.

I said I was happy he is here (true, he's good in many respects) but that he needs to discuss things with me rather than impose/tell me he is doing things (inviting family, WFH). I said our agreement is different to that of flat mates.

On the issue of family - he has a proposal. He's looked on Airbnb and it's out of his budget (it is an insane amount of money as I looked too) so, His colleague lives over the road with his wife. Wife is home alone all day. So his proposal is that his family sleep here ONLY, and then go to his friends house to hang out with the wife all day, and to eat dinner etc before coming back here to sleep. I said I'd think about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 22:17

I put bloody paragraphs in that.

OP posts:
CheddarGorgeous · 08/07/2019 22:26

don't do it OP. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Seriously, he's a chancer.

Cherrysoup · 08/07/2019 22:26

Wife is home alone all day. So his proposal is that his family sleep here ONLY, and then go to his friends house to hang out with the wife all day, and to eat dinner etc before coming back here to sleep. I said I'd think about it.

Fuck no, OP! Stop being a bloody doormat! You’ve told him no and he’s STILL taking the fucking piss! No is no, don’t roll over on this. If he can’t afford to pay for them to stay somewhere like a normal person, then they don’t come.

ShimmerSunset · 08/07/2019 22:26

He is a lodger that rents a room. Having his family stay for 18 days is not on.
I wonder if his colleagues wife is aware she and her house have been offered up.

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 22:27

I'm not being a doormat. I think I've done ok over the last couple of days actually. I haven't said yes

OP posts:
kaldefotter · 08/07/2019 22:29

Oh look, 2 men coming up with a plan to impose on the women they live with.

It's hard to imagine that the colleague's wife wants to have an unknown woman and her kids hanging around her house all day every day for 2 weeks.

And you'll still have 5 people in your place overnight rather than 2.

WillLokireturn · 08/07/2019 22:33

@Anotherbloodyname123
No. He pays as a single lodger for his room he is NOT in a flat share. No his family so not get to sleep at and crash at your place. Stop.frugging letting him negotiate with you. And tell him no.

Really, I think he's not a good lodger and he's exhaustingly pushing boundaries.
Tell him it's his problem, not yours and he needs to.stip now. Either he respects your rules and contract or he doesn't.
Really he doesnt sound like a good lodger at all, he sounds like someone who wants to have all the benefits of a flat share without any of the costs.
Please tell him tomatoo now or you will give him notice and he can go flatshare. And tell him to.stay in his room and stop.slobbing out on your sofa/sitting room. Reclaim your flat fgs! .

WillLokireturn · 08/07/2019 22:35

Sorry typed too fast! 😁😄 But I do like the "tomatoo now" line 😅😆

WillLokireturn · 08/07/2019 22:35

*to listen now

Tooner · 08/07/2019 22:36

You have done really well so far but absolutely do not agree to the new suggested arrangement. He's got a bloody cheek even suggesting it after saying 'fine' earlier. He is really trying it on and does not respect your decisions about your home one bit. What if the neighbour decides she had enough of the wife and kids visiting every day, then you are well and truly stuck with them. God he's got the cheek of the devil.

WillLokireturn · 08/07/2019 22:41

Argh. It's just another ploy isn't it . OP said no so he tries to manipulate.
No occasional overnights without permission was meant for the occasional partner that lives nearby and he equally visits if OP agrees. It isn't for 2 weeks of DC and a wife to STAY!
There is no way this shouldn't be a no and if you ask once more, I will give you notice issue.
I'm exhausted reading about how controlling he is trying to be. He is not a good lodger. He's an entitled male and you'll be so much better/happier with a respectful lodger.

CodenameVillanelle · 08/07/2019 22:41

Do not agree to this ridiculous suggestion. As IF the colleague's wife will be up for that anyway! What a joke

RockinHippy · 08/07/2019 22:43

I'm afraid the others are right, he should not be suggesting this new arrangement after you have said a definite no & the fact that he has says that he is a first class CF & you'll regret it big time if you agree

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 22:44

I was surprised the colleague has a wife. Have never seen her!

I think I know what my answer.

I dread finding another lodger though if it comes to that .All the enquiries I got before were AWFUL.

OP posts: