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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 08/07/2019 13:32

I think you need to be clear .

Your contact states no guests . Your family cannot stay here he is a cheeky fucker.

GiantKitten · 08/07/2019 13:36

Starlight

RTFT!

Celticrose · 08/07/2019 13:48

No offence op but ot is him who should be asking for space not you. He needs to clear it with you first if he wants to use the living room. By all means say I will be out from such a time to whatever time and the spacecis free if you want it. You need to be calling the shots

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2019 13:55

I did suggest Airbnb and to Google it and let me know if he can't find it

Can I suggest being a bit careful here? I assume you meant to let you know if he can't find the AirB&B site, (though it's hardly rocket science), but given his surprise when you very sensibly kept schtum, might it be construed as letting you know if he can't find accommodation?

TBF it's understandable to ask someone who works in property to assist, but there's a difference between asking and expecting. It's good that there's time to spare before his family arrive, but I'd recommend asking casually in a week or so about how he's getting on with the search

WidowTwonky · 08/07/2019 14:04

If he needs to WFH (we are required to by our employer) suggest to him he changes his WFH to a day you are not there

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 14:06

Tbh I don't want him WFH at all because of my water and electricity bills. I wouldn't have accepted someone WFH. This is a new thing he has told me about.

OP posts:
WidowTwonky · 08/07/2019 14:12

Perfect. Then get him told

Enclume · 08/07/2019 14:13

Is he is an engineer who makes electric powered mdels of dams and tests them all day in your bath? ;) how is eight hours a week going to create such a spike in your bills?

IncandescentShadow · 08/07/2019 14:48

I've had a few lodgers over the years, mostly good but occasionally bloody awful, and once they start asking these questions and WFH, I fear theres no going back. He's a CF and he's not going to get rid of his CF attitude. He should never have asked if his family could stay, of course its not an appropriate request for a lodger. He could go to a café to work on his WFH day as he should be aware of imposing on you during the week, as this was what was different from what was envisaged when he moved in.

Being a lodger ie renting a room and shared facilities is about the cheapest way of living. If he wants these privileges and rights, he should rent a whole apartment or small house.

I would just give him his notice, one month or two months or whatever, and just say you want the whole space to yourself or have a sibling moving in on x date, to avoid argument. In my experience, male lodgers in particular can be particularly prone to trying to take over what they come to see as their "territory", whether you own it or not.

I appreciate lodgers are hard to find where you are, but he's not that good anyway, and its not worth being stressed in your own home for the amount he will be paying. You will find someone else.

You also have a legal duty as a landlord to check that people staying in your property have a right to reside ie are not illegal immigrants, and while I believe that this only applies to tenants, you might, if you are really unlucky, find yourself involved in some sort of situation you never envisaged from the start, if his family does not go home when he says they will.

SagAloojah · 08/07/2019 14:49

Sorry but the idea of someone who has worked abroad many times and works for a massive international company yet doesn’t know about AirBnB is unbelievable.

However I think he’s going to sort this out himself now (hopefully)

greenwaterbottle · 08/07/2019 15:01

Tell him to go and work from a library/coffee shop etc. It's not in his contact

Progged22 · 08/07/2019 15:09

I think you shouldn’t have a lodger .

Progged22 · 08/07/2019 15:11

You obviously can’t live with people.

If you are going to be that tight about the man working from home sometimes , then basically you are

  1. Seriously tight

Or

  1. Just not a people person .

If you don’t like sharing your place then don’t share it , and say goodbye to the lodger money.

Nesssie · 08/07/2019 15:11

I think you would be very unfair saying he can't work from home.

RockinHippy · 08/07/2019 15:15

You definitely need to get him told then !!

Hi Lodger, I'm really glad that you're sorting out accommodation for your family as I hope you now realise that it was never really appropriate to ask if they could stay here.

I do have another problem that we need to discuss & that is your WFH when this wasn't something I was aware would happen when you moved in. An you please keep your WFH to no more than xxxx number of hours & use your room, not kitchen MY table.

I'd also appreciate it if you could use the TV in your room, rather than MY living room TV when I am home. I like to be able to relax & turn the channel over when I like & it doesn't seem right that as your landlady I'm having to watch in my bedroom.

I'm not used to living with other people & need my space, that's why I looked for a lodger, rather than a house share. I hope you understand. Thank you 👍🏻

prettybird · 08/07/2019 15:20

He should be allowed to WFH - but just only in his room Hmm.

But I can understand your frustration: not so much now in summer, but in winter, WFH can really ramp up the heating bills (at least, it does here in Scotland Wink), so the possibility of that should've been clear from the outset.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/07/2019 15:24

I wouldn't have accepted someone WFH. This is a new thing he has told me about

One way and another, there's quite a lot he seems to have "dropped on you" since he arrived isn't there?

I'm not sure if you said how long he's been there (?) but it doesn't really matter what extras he expects or even what anyone else would do ... what's important is whether it works for you

And since it's becoming clear that it doesn't, maybe it's time to look for someone else?

Lulu49 · 08/07/2019 15:24

Oh god I think I’d just say he needs to contribute a little extra for bills in the time they are here and leave it at that. The children and his wife could be delightful and it could actually be a lovely time with other ppl from a different culture. Poor guy probably only just afforded to get them over to see him.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 08/07/2019 15:36

OP, I don't want to be alarmist but I knew someone in a very similar situation and it didn't end well. In her case it was the lodgers sister and her child who came to "visit" from abroad but, to cut a long story short, once installed in her house they refused to leave. They actually waited til she was out and changed the locks- they locked her out of her own house! It took a lot of legal wrangling and cost her a lot of money (not to mention the stress) to get them out. I'm not saying this is your lodgers intention but I would still be wary.

EllenMP · 08/07/2019 15:53

I think your contract is not clear -- if he has not had any visitors before then he could reasonably argue that this qualifies as 'occasional' (first one ever) and the contract does not say how long the occasional visitors may stay overnight for. However, you have a case that his visitors should not be in the house when he isn't there. I would base it on whether I thought he could afford to put them up elsewhere, or had the flexibility to book the time off work. If he is in a well paid job, or could reasonably get the time off, then I would be firm about it. But if I thought he couldn't afford to do anything else then I would inclined to say ok and see how it goes. It's CFery, of course, but if this is the one chance he has to see his kids during his contract and there is no other way to manage it, I would feel bad saying no.

Motoko · 08/07/2019 15:54

Poor guy probably only just afforded to get them over to see him.
Let them stay at yours then.

If he's working from home, he'll have a job paying decent wages, he's not working in the local kebab shop on NMW! As he's a lodger, he has no bills other than his rent, which would be cheaper than renting his own place, or a houseshare, so even after sending money home to his wife, he can still afford plane fares for them to visit, and he hasn't told OP he can't afford to pay for their accommodation.

I do wish people would stop assuming he's skint.

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 15:56

@rockinhippy that's a good message, thanks. However he doesn't have a telly in his room. As with other lodgers I've had he doesn't seem to have an iPad or laptop that he uses instead - he has a work laptop but he doesn't use that. I have seen him watching TV on his phone once...

When I was a lodger I bought my own TV for my room.

I was tempted to buy him one but that eats into the money he pays me of course. You know, the reason I'm doing this - not because I'm a 'people person' as a pp said Confused

OP posts:
TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 08/07/2019 16:08

Overnight implies one night. It doesn't mean weeks at a time. Op's lodger agreement is perfectly clear.

lmusic87 · 08/07/2019 16:11

So does he work from home OP?

Usually they would find a space to work in, or in a cafe, etc.

RockinHippy · 08/07/2019 16:17

Another, maybe try freecycle or your local Facebook freeby groups. I've often seen decent modern TVs to give away on ours. Worth a try x