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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
4legsandawaggytail · 08/07/2019 08:17

Hell no! You need to be firm and assertive and state what's in the contract. Tell him you can help him find alternatives but it's simply not possible. He should have discussed this will you before arranging the visit, not just assume it would be okay. Be firm, be kind and be helpful but don't give in. It's really not your problem.

MadameButterface · 08/07/2019 08:54

rtft ffs ppl Hmm

maybe now it's all sorted all the concerned racist citizens can stop handwringing about whether they will change the locks Hmm try and claim asylum Hmm Hmm or assuming that he must be from a misogynist culture Hmm Hmm Hmm

turns out all she had to do was say no. how very disappointing that must be for some earlier posters.

i happen to think on these threads that the ignorant xenophobic catastrophising people go in for is every bit as harmful, if not more so, than all the people who go ah sure let them it'll be fine. do you know what you all sound like? thick as mince

FinallyHere · 08/07/2019 09:08
  • And to the people saying she should "be kind", I'd agree, IF he sat her down, spoke to her, explained the situation, ASKED and then said he'd leave her to think of whether it works for her or not, whether she wants to increase the rent for those two weeks or not etc.

this ^ wot ahumanfemale said

RockinHippy · 08/07/2019 09:11

WTAF are you talking about Madam would you like salt with that chip on your shoulder Hmm

The OP said no from the off if you'd have bothered to read the FT yourself,you'd also know that the OP spoke to a friend of her lodgers Custer who wasn't surprised by his ignoring here 🙄

RockinHippy · 08/07/2019 09:12

Culture- autocorrect doing my head I atm 😐

MadameButterface · 08/07/2019 09:19

oh yes rockin i must have a chip on my shoulder because i call xenophobia xenophobia Hmm. i am finding the rest of your message quite hard to understand, are you pissed? bit early isn't it

TixieLix · 08/07/2019 09:23

I can rip a man's testes off with a single withering look from fifty paces

@Enclume, I need to borrow you to give a withering look to my teenage DD's bf of 4.5yrs who has just broken her heart going with another girl!

RockinHippy · 08/07/2019 09:29

Silly cow, if you can't read English go back to school & to see racism etc were there is non, stinks of chip on your shoulder. Meanwhile, back in the real world 🙄

RockinHippy · 08/07/2019 09:31

Oh & im not pissed, just disabled & mornings aren't my easiest time.

So maybe I should be calling you out for your disabilist twat comments 🤷‍♀️😘

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 09:37

Saw lodger last night. Referenced the text and he said it was 'fine, and if you're not comfortable it's ok.' He said the visit was long enough away to sort something but then did ask me if I could find somewhere for them because of my job (I work in property). I definitely can't!!! He was surprised when I said no.

I started to find myself offering to look elsewhere then stopped myself. Not my responsibility!

OP posts:
SagAloojah · 08/07/2019 09:48

How on are you supposed to sort out a property for him for 2 weeks? Anything that you could do, like AirBnB, he is more than capable of doing!

Enclume · 08/07/2019 09:53

@TixieLix poor wee mite. She will be rich, successful and slim and slinking around in a black satin dress with a cigarette holder and a diamond necklace when he is a punchy bald middle aged failed used car salesman whose team got relegated in four successive seasons. (Am legit teller of dodgy fortunes, ask me anything!)

@Anotherbloodyname123 glad you screwed your courage to the sticking place. You have to be a bit hard sometimes or you will get effed about endlessly.

RockinHippy · 08/07/2019 09:54

Really glad it's worked out ok Another,

I can understand him asking and being surprised you can't help given your work, but it really isn't your place to help him find alternative accommodation, that's something he needs to take responsibility for himself, great if someone offers help, but he really shouldn't expect it & unfortunately keep saying no to such people can be a pita, especially if you are a naturally helpful & not overly assertive person.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/07/2019 10:19

As he’s foreign and perhaps doesn’t know about the short term Lettings market, you could consider giving him the Airbnb web address and tell him he needs to get a move on as this is the first week of school holidays for most of the country. Things will be fully booked if he doesn’t get a move on.

Celticrose · 08/07/2019 10:23

Now that has been sorted you now need to tackle boundaries in relation to his use of YOUR living room.

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 10:24

Yes, I did suggest Airbnb and to Google it and let me know if he can't find it. Am not totally heartless Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 08/07/2019 10:39

@celticrose shared living facilities are part of the deal especially as it's an open plan living room/kitchen.

He gets a good deal though - I was out all Friday night, from 3pm Saturday until midnight and yesterday 11.30am until 9pm.

This week I'm out tonight, Wednesday, Thursday, maybe Friday.

I'm ok for him to use the living room if I'm not there.

But I want priority if I am there. I have this Friday off work and want to cook and have my music on. He will want to work at the kitchen table.

I'm going to have to find ways to be stronger in asking for space

OP posts:
manicmij · 08/07/2019 10:43

If the visitors are not going out for 4 days each week why on earth are they coming a long distance for basically a middle weekend of going outside. You need to be decisive, clear and to the point. Take it the family will be staying free of charge. He is taking a huge liberty.

DonkeyHohtay · 08/07/2019 10:54

Oh no OP - saying "let me know if you can't find anything"... he's going to come back and say sorry he couldn't fine anything local enough or suitable enough or nice enough or cheap enough....

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 08/07/2019 10:56

But I want priority if I am there. I have this Friday off work and want to cook and have my music on. He will want to work at the kitchen table.

Use your own words and tell him exactly this and that means he can't work from the kitchen table but you're willing to accommodate him working from his bedroom. You didn't agree to a lodger who worked from home on a weekly basis - he's changed the arrangement so you need to be firm and change it back again or change it to something which better suits you.

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 08/07/2019 10:56

Sorry, bold fail - the first paragraph was from your last post Op.

dtpitman1 · 08/07/2019 11:08

Been there, done that & have the t-shirt for it. Don’t go there. No matter how kind you’re trying to be, essentially your boundary has already been encroached upon. It will take one or two events of a perceived wrong/liberty to happen while the family is there for you to regret it.
Extra money won’t cover your annoyance with yourself for having ignored your instincts. Atb.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/07/2019 12:43

You say he has a decent sized bedroom. It’s actually really rude to use the kitchen table for work when you are around, cooking and wanting to eat. Even if this were a flat share, I don’t think that would be great either. If he wants to do this, he needs to rent a studio / flat by himself.

Good luck with broaching this next one.

TheSerenDipitY · 08/07/2019 13:26

im glad you told him, i would still be weary that they might just turn up, and once they are in, it can be , at times, tricky to remove them

GiantKitten · 08/07/2019 13:29

Agree he should be working in his own room, not in the common areas. If there isn’t a suitable surface in his room he needs to acquire one.
( I can recommend this type - it folds very flat when not in use)

Also see if you can steer him towards looking at hostels with family rooms. Airbnb for 4 is likely to be pretty expensive.

to not want my lodger's family to stay?
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