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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 07/07/2019 17:36

Just say no, it's not happening. Tell him to book an Airbnb for them!

LaundryIsADisease · 07/07/2019 18:11

Glad it went well.

Raybay · 07/07/2019 18:45

I'm glad you sorted it out. One of my lodgers (in two bed house) said his girlfriend was coming from Spain (he was Spanish) and could she stay for two weeks. I said yes and that it wasn't necessary to give me extra money. After a week he said she liked it so much in UK she wanted to stay the whole summer (she was a student and so whole summer free). He then went on to say that because he gave me 45 quid a week, that my costs must be 90 quid therefore he'd give me 60 quid for both of them.
I was single, I didn't want to share my home with a couple. It didn't help that he was the only English speaker and I didn't speak Spanish. I think it was more the presumption that this was going to happen rather than asking and it seems they'd got this planned out before she came over.
I gave them a week's notice to find somewhere else. And I didn't feel guilty. It was my home and although extra cash was welcome, I could cope financially.
Stick to your guns OP.

HawaiianLion · 07/07/2019 18:55

I dont think you can stop him WFH. He has rented a room from you, you cant then decide what time he is and isn't allowed to use it. Glad hes agreed to make alternative arrangements for his family. Bit CF just to assume you'd be OK with it.

ILikePaperHats · 07/07/2019 18:57

This happened to me a few years ago. Our lodger announced her sister, partner and new baby were going to stay one night. I agreed reluctantly, they ended up staying 2 nights, baby crying all night, the family took over my kitchen table in the morning and just sat there chatting like it was their own home. I'm afraid I ended up blowing a fuse and it escalated in a massive row with the sister screaming at me and calling me a cow. Just say NO. Your house won't feel like your own and you'll end up getting more and more frustrated and upset.

Happynow001 · 07/07/2019 19:02

Glad you've sorted it OP. I had a similar situation a few years ago. I had a lodger for a new months who then advised me that his girlfriend/fiancée would be flying to the UK and they were getting married.

I asked him where she was going to stay and he said "she'll be living here with me" (ie, in my house). I put a stop to that straight away. Said I was sorry but that would not work for me and asked him to find other accommodation which he could share with her from the date she landed at the airport.

I wasn't always so decisive (I am more so now) but it was a huge relief to make my feelings plain on the matter immediately so he had time to find somewhere else to live.

BatFacedGirl · 07/07/2019 19:20

So, all this fuss and slating him etc etc and it took just one text saying 'please don't do this' and he politely confirmed he wouldn't?

Total drama for nothing

couchparsnip · 07/07/2019 19:57

Not nothing! OP got valuable advice and acted on it, which sorted out the situation. Well done OP.

Nearly47 · 07/07/2019 19:57

Its hard. I feel sorry but how poor
Is he ? I am wondering because you said he is allowed to work from home and usually people in low paid jobs aren't allowed that.
It will be difficult for you to have an entire family unrelated to you on a 2 bedroom flat. Having my in laws for 4 days in a 3 bed house is hard enough. There are hostels with family rooms, bnbs and even airbnbs. Maybe he could move in with them somewhere and if you want to help them you can tell him he can reduce what he pays you. Of course you could let them stay and resign to the fact that you will have to stay in your room and give them the rest of the house. Keeping the children locked in a bedroom is cruel.

Figamol · 07/07/2019 20:05

So two suggestions:

  1. Agree but let him know the additional amount of charges/rent he should pay. Then try and make as many plans to be out or visiting family/friends at the weekend.
  2. Tell him 18 days is just too stressful - could he a) either be away at the weekends or b) you agree to just one week with some extra charges.
BatFacedGirl · 07/07/2019 20:15

Ah yes. The valuable advice of what exactly? Grin

browzingss · 07/07/2019 20:25

This has to be one of the most amicable updatesGrin

stucknoue · 07/07/2019 20:26

Your contract says overnight visits are ok occasionally and assuming this is the only time I think he's within his rights. I suspect the wife will take them out, they won't stay in all week. Rather than say no, help him to find free stuff for the wife and kids to do complete with directions

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 07/07/2019 20:35

'I dont think you can stop him WFH. He has rented a room from you, you cant then decide what time he is and isn't allowed to use it. Glad hes agreed to make alternative arrangements for his family. Bit CF just to assume you'd be OK with it.'

That depends.
One of the things it is sensible to discuss when you are deciding whether to take someone on as a lodger is what their working hours are going to be, because that could easily make a difference to whether you are compatible or not - are you going to be going for the bathroom or trying to cook dinner at the same time, are they going to get up super early and wake you up.
If someone's work situation changes, eg they suddenly start working from home, it might mean the arrangement no longer works for you both and you are entitled to give them reasonable notice to find somewhere else.
I had a lodger who changed jobs to one where she worked from home. She made a point of asking me if it was OK (it was but only because she was a generally considerate person who I didn't mind having around) but when she decided to move the first thing her new landlord asked me about was that because it's a different kettle of fish renting a room to someone wfh from someone who is out most of the time, especially if you are around in the day and it is a small flat.
Because they are in your space it is very different from renting a place that isn't your home, when it would be none of your business what hours they work.
If you wfh and lodge you might be better off finding somewhere where your landlord is always out in the day and it makes no difference to them.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/07/2019 20:37

Well done op.

nuxe1984 · 07/07/2019 21:12

Why isn't he taking 2 weeks leave to be with his family and take them out whilst they're here?

GiantKitten · 07/07/2019 21:22

He takes a long holiday to visit them later in the year. He probably doesn’t have enough leave to take another 2 weeks for this (as well as all the bank holidays)

Progged22 · 07/07/2019 21:25

Bend this once . You might enjoy it. Just tell him that if it isn’t working then they will have to go to a hotel .

Yes he must miss his family , money must be tight . They must miss him too . The fact that he has to work while his family are here says it all .

Give him a break , if you can find it in yourself to do so .

mummmy2017 · 07/07/2019 21:32

18 days of three extra people , two kids..
Why do people think others should do it, when they would soin realise if it was them they would hate it....

TigerTooth · 07/07/2019 23:19

I would probably say yes if I liked the lodger, or even if I wasn’t keen but felt sorry for him.
They might just be on iPads and Netflix with headphones all day?
I’m always doing things that I don’t really want to do though. I’m very shy of confrontation and very soft hearted.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2019 23:38

Always useful to RTFT Hmm

DreamTheMoors · 07/07/2019 23:53

Mum used to say, “What part of NO don’t you UNDERSTAND???”
And that was the end of any discussion with anyone.
Try it. Be strong and good luck. 🍀

justilou1 · 08/07/2019 03:24

Jesus- why are people guilt-tripping OP into trying it out? She doesn’t want these people hanging around in her house! She has made it extra-clear in the contract and in every post. The whole idea fills her with dread. It is her house and she deserves to feel comfortable. She has the right to say no without guilt.

OralBElectricToothbrush · 08/07/2019 04:11

Jesus- why are people guilt-tripping OP into trying it out?

Because it's not their house and their work schedule that will be affected by 3 extra people crammed into a small space. What a load of bollocks!

WillLokireturn · 08/07/2019 06:27

Glad it's all sorted out OP

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