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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my lodger's family to stay?

516 replies

Anotherbloodyname123 · 06/07/2019 15:02

Lodger announced his family (wife and two kids) are coming to visit in a few months a while ago and I'm not quite sure why I didn't think to ask immediately where they were staying. I did today as it came up and he says they're going to stay here, for two whole weeks!

(For context, he is lodging with me for a work contract, and his family live abroad)

This is a normal two bed flat and he said his family are fine to share the (double) bed and sleep on the floor.

I'm really not happy about this. He kept saying it'll be fine and the kids will be well behaved (I'm sure they will as he's very quiet and usually considerate and polite!)

He's not even really booking time off to spend with them. He said the kids and wife will stay in the flat all day Monday to Thursday as they'll be too scared to go out, and he'll go out with them on the two weekends they're here.

I said I wasn't keen but he just kept batting it back.

AIBU to not want them to stay? I'm a single woman and I DON'T want kids staying especially ones I don't know. I have a nice place and it's not child friendly. I don't have a garden.

Relevant bit of our contract is this: 'not to permit anyone else to stay in the Room, although the Licensee may allow visitors to stay overnight in the Room on an
occasional basis;'

But I also don't want to be an arsehole. He must miss them a lot!

Help.

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 07/07/2019 13:08

Good luck OP, it's difficult to stand up for yourself if you're used to keeping the peace. It can take practice, but this is a good place to start :)

FelixFelicis6 · 07/07/2019 13:09

Yes definitely spell it out clearly like that text. He’s taking the piss. Though I would separate out the family staying but and the WFH on Friday but. Maybe just start it saying there are a couple of things I wanted to discuss. first...[family staying] and second... [WFH Fridays]

Lipz · 07/07/2019 13:10

Of God just read the whole thread. Hopefully he gets the message when you send him the text. Sounds like a nightmare situation, I couldn't be doing with that many people for that length of time and then strangers on top of that. No way... good luck

mrsw2 · 07/07/2019 13:13

If you need extra money from his rent , would you possibly be able to get a part time job or any overtime? Seems quite a stressful situation for you. Hope all goes smoothly

CacenCrunch · 07/07/2019 13:32

A weekend maybe but 18 days is taking the piss! Why are they too scared to go out?

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 07/07/2019 13:35

I think you need to be prepared for him to say that he can’t afford for his family to stay elsewhere. That may be the case, but you cannot afford to subsidise his family visits either. If you were sufficiently well off to be able to afford to pay holiday accommodation costs for an entire family, you wouldn’t be in the position of needing a lodger in the first place.

Howyiz · 07/07/2019 13:56

If he has friends here who are in flats hares, his family can stay with them.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/07/2019 13:56

The whole set up is mucho shitto and has trainwreck written all over it

I couldn't have put it better myself

It occurred to me, though, that OP's not said just how imminent this visit is. Let's hope it's not next week, and that he doesn't pull the "can't afford anything else" line ... because there's really no answer to that except "not my problem"

I guess, in the end, it really might be better to give him notice and be done with it

Original poster
Anotherbloodyname123 · 07/07/2019 14:15

He has said thank you for letting him know and that he will make other arrangements.

Important lesson for me here about boundaries and assertiveness.

Hopefully it won't be the Trainwreck some of you have predicted.

Thanks to those that offered advice and support!

OP posts:
prettybird · 07/07/2019 14:18

Good news Smile

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/07/2019 14:21

Genuinely delighted for you, OP ... with the small caveat that I hope he means it and won't come up with a last-minute "emergency" around their supposed accommodation

Fingers crossed, though

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2019 14:26

Well done OP. Seems he’s not without options due to being impoverished and desperate as several melodramatic posters have assumed..,

BigfanofCheese · 07/07/2019 14:35

I think the amended text sounds good and you should stick to your guns if that is your decision. He did sign the contract after all.

You can't really stop him from WFH (unless it is breach of another contractual point) as he has paid for the room but you could ask him to do it on another day if possible, explaining why. This would be a negotiation though and separate to the family issue.

I am a bit unsure what I would do as I was initially ready to suggest a compromise of them staying with you for the first week with a set departure date, paying extra per night (in advance) and being out until the kids' bedtime to keep costs down for him, getting him to agree in writing and making clear you were doing this as a favour despite the contract wording. However, I don't like that he informed rather than asked you and that the fortnight has now crept up to 18 days. Depending on where they are from, the point on claiming asylum is not completely far fetched either. Might be better to keep to the contract and if he wants to leave, so be it.

BigfanofCheese · 07/07/2019 14:36

Crossover, sorry!! Sounds like it's solved, good work.

mummmy2017 · 07/07/2019 14:40

Hope he does as he says and sorts it.

Penners99 · 07/07/2019 15:18

Excellent news OP. However, be prepared for the family to turn up claiming poverty etc. Stay strong.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/07/2019 15:26

Enclume I can rip a man's testes off with a single withering look from fifty paces Me too. It's a useful life skill Grin

I can't believe some people are suggesting OP go and stay somewhere else while a strange family take over her flat for two and a half weeks. What on earth would she come home to? I wouldn't even do that for my own family, let alone the family I'd never met of someone I don't know that well. But then my family are reasonable people who wouldn't expect such a thing.

(Anyone remember that thread asking for help in dealing with an ancient sitting tenant on a peppercorn rent, and someone suggested she give the house to the tenant? I'm not sure my jaw has completely recovered from reading that one.)

Isleepinahedgefund · 07/07/2019 15:36

Also that thread where someone's elderly relative had a homeless person trying to live in the shed and posters were slamming the OP and telling her the terrified old lady should invite him in and give him a care package! Bonkers.

Hope that's the end of it OP

Tistheseason17 · 07/07/2019 15:41

Well done, OP
You were very polite and reasonable.

Tooner · 07/07/2019 15:52

Great update, must say he seems to have taken it surprisingly well considering his previous insistence it wouldn't be a problem etc. Hopefully he will sort out other arrangements.

GiantKitten · 07/07/2019 16:04

But to him it wasn’t a problem, because it’s (apparently) normal behaviour where he’s from; he wasn’t being pushy or cheeky, he just didn’t get it from OP’s perspective.

Now he does, & as the reasonable person he always seemed to be he’s going to rearrange.

Well done, OP Flowers

madcatladyforever · 07/07/2019 16:07

Be tough and say no. It's a weekly rental room not a doss house.

MsTSwift · 07/07/2019 16:18

Cannot abide these ridiculous virtue signaller saintly posters that claim they would be so kind in such a situation and would give the lodger and his family keys to the flat and would go and live in a hedge themselves. Absolute bollocks

OralBElectricToothbrush · 07/07/2019 16:34

God, yes, Annie and ISleep. Or the AirB&B one where the host was renting out a bedroom in her home, NO kids allowed because the house was not child friendly, had a potential guest ask to bring her toddler. OP told her NO, NO kids. Lady said okay and booked. Then she showed up with the toddler and kicked off when the OP would not allow her to enter (to the point where a neighbour rang the police). The virtue signallers had a ball! She should have invited her in, provided a meal and nappies, allowed her to stay for free, all sorts of total bollocks.

RebootYourEngine · 07/07/2019 17:34

I hate people like that who would bend over backwards to be nice to people when those people are being out of order and cheeky fuckers who take advantage.

OP make sure if they turn up claiming nowhere to stay refuse to allow them in because they will not leave. The lodger can as it's his place but not his family as they are guests.

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