To say postnatal wards are the least conducive environment for a mum/baby recovery

[cheesemumma]

Currently sitting on a ward at 11.30pm. 6th night. No exaggeration I think in total I must have had 4 hours sleep. My physical and mental health is suffering. I'm going to have to talk to the Drs tomorrow and say we're going home whatever, as we're getting more ill staying. Its not just the other selfish fucker couples that decide to talk on phone /watch films/ have conversations with each other but the staff seem to not give 2 shits it's the middle of the night. I realise my tiredness and hormones are a big contributing factor but I can feel a full tantrum /meltdown coming on. It's also 10000000 degrees and the enviable screaming babies plus the fact you get 3 teeny portions of food a day so I'm really hungry as ebf.

My surgeon said I was stubborn, wilful and needed tying to the bed. He followed that up with "and you'll probably have a bloody great recovery given your motivation to get out of here ASAP"

Sounds as if not much has changed in well over 30 years. I was in a nightingale ward with a large number of other Mums and their babies. One would waken crying to feed then then another, then your own. I didn't sleep for 3 days and insisted on going home the next day. In those days women often stayed for longer than this and the staff were keen for us to remain.

I can still recall the sheer bliss of getting into my own bed on the first night home. It was Christmas Eve and we had a tree with decorations at home. The first full day we spent together as a new family was Christmas Day and it is a treasured memory.

You are definitely definitely definitely not being unreasonable. I spent 5 nights of pure hell in postnatal. All because my DD hadn't gained enough weight which I think was bull shit. She was still 8lb, healthy pink, strong as anything and she was only just under the threshold of being allowed home. The reason for her not gaining weight was we were really struggling to breastfeed. Absolutely nothing would get her to latch, a couple of the midwives managed to get her to latch once or twice but she would just scream and scream. I remember on the second night, in the middle of the night, I completely broke down and told my husband to come and get me. I was crying, baby was crying i'd had about 2hrs sleep after a 60hr labour and forceps delivery. It was the hottest summer I've ever known and about 45c on that ward. I'd pressed the buzzer a couple of times earlier to ask for help and someone who wasn't a midwife (no idea who she was) just kept coming in, smacking my buzzer off and telling me my midwife was next door (she wasn't). I was too shocked and upset to argue so just kept trying to get a latch myself as there were no midwives anywhere. Finally one of the other mums came in to comfort me and went to search for a midwife. She still couldn't get baby to latch so she ended up giving her a bottle so I could have a couple of hours sleep. Whilst I was there I think I heard about 4 other mums have breakdowns. Absolute barbaric conditions and they treat you like a prisoner. I accidentally took 2 more paracetamol than I was supposed to (sleep deprivation and baby brain) and it was like I'd taken illegal drugs! I forgot to keep up with my drugs chart as well mostly because the writing was so small and I could barely see the page through my tired eyes and I was treated like I was a criminal trying to steal their precious liquid morphine!
When I finally got home and was able to eat, relax and breathe, I managed to get dd to latch. We had further problems because she had an undiagnosed tongue-tie so I topped up with expressed milk for 4 weeks until that was fixed but that is a different story.

I later found out as well from my angel lactation consultant, that the reason DD lost so much weight initially was because she took on lots of the fluids I had been given during my labour which gave a false birth weight. Apparently this is very common.

So sorry you are going through this OP. It really is the pits. I wish I'd had the guts to just self discharge. 💐🧁

Yanbu.
I only stayed the night I had her (at midnight) and one extra night. I found the staff rude and unhelpful, and not in anyway caring

I paid for a private room.

Worth every penny.

YANBU, I discharged myself after the 2nd night despite them wanting me to stay for a blood transfusion - I told them to prescribe iron tablets because I wasn't staying 1 minute more. That was 20 years ago but I can remember it like it was yesterday.

They refused to let you have meals at the bedside so you had to walk to the day room. I had a really bad tear and felt rubbish but they insisted. I'd just got there when they called me back because the baby was crying - that tipped me over and I told them I was leaving right then.

Yanbu. I was in for 8 days when my youngest was born.

YANBU at all. Postpartum mothers are treated horrendously. And I know some people don't think partners should be on the postnatal ward, but I was going crazy without DH (who was sent home by the midwives straight after the birth) as our baby didn't sleep unless I held her and no help was offered with anything. I could hardly walk but was still expected to go get my own food and drinks.

For my second birth, I chose a hospital based on the availability of a private room where DH and I could both stay, for this very reason. It was a completely different experience. All women should have this offered as standard.

I was so traumatised after my first baby I changed hospitals for my second. YANBU! First time round we were discharged day two (slightly premi) then readmitted two days later for another five days to SCBU, that was hell on earth. Second baby (new hospital) we were offered to go home same day (delivered early hours of the morning), we waited to miss peak hour traffic and we're home for lunch. The funniest part is the memory of coming home for the first time, with baby fast asleep in the carrier, putting them down in the living room and thinking 'now what?'. You spend nine months preparing for the big day and going into labour then when you get your bundle of joy home there's this brief moment of calm and you think this parenting malarkey isn't so hard! And then the bedlam ensues that is the rest of your life with children Enjoy your precious moments OP!

With dc1 I was on a ward for 2 nights, 3 days. The least conducive environment for recovery ever- other women snoring, annoying loud partners who wouldn’t leave when visiting finished, about a million degrees, and obviously crying babies. I broke down in tears on day 3 and begged to be discharged, and was on the basis that DH was there and v supportive.

DC2 was born at a different hospital with private rooms and an en suite. Bliss in comparison, I didn’t want to leave!

Definitely agree. I was in a week with my ones. You feel horrendous and vulnerable as it is let alone having to put up with everyone else.

They come around and wake you up every 2 hours here to feed your baby even if you are both sleeping! Doesn't matter if the first feed took over half an hour. Let alone by the time you both get back to sleep.

God that sounds awful, you poor thing. Worst I had was nurses cheerfully coming in every six hours to give me Tylenol--"I don't bloody want tylenol right now it's chuffing 3am and I just got to sleep, leave it there and go away" and they write down "Refused medication."

They probably can't stop you self-discharging. Baby'll likely be fine once you have some food and sleep.

The dinner ladies are also sooo aggressive. I hobbled up to the dinner table bit to get my tray. Baby attached to my boob, as she has been for the past 4 days. They let me wait in the queue, took my order then said no were not giving you your food you're not allowed to bring your baby up. So I asked if they could just leave a tray somewhere for me to get later they said no go find a nurse. So I asked the nearest nurse who said sorry I don't work that bay. All so helpful for a hungry breastfeeding mother who's vagina felt like it was in fire. I could see my fucking bed!!!

Yanbu. I signed myself out AMA and went home.

Most definitely YANBU. With my 3rd I was on hospital bedrest at 36 weeks (polyhydramnious) had a CS at 37 weeks. Was in my own room. Was bliss. Got told that post-op I'd be put on the ward 'to be closer to the nurses' station in case anything happened'. I begged, pleaded to be allowed to stay in my own room.

Whilst having the CS some kind soul (😡) packed all my stuff out of my private room and moved it onto the ward, lost my phone charger in the process.

Got wheeled to the ward when I was compus mentus after the CS. Hell on earth. When the meds wore off that night & it felt like my innards were falling out and I was doubled-up in agony holding on to the bed, none of the nurses at the station came to help.

Having other people's partners seeing you at your most vulnerable and at the most undignified time of your life is barbaric. Being sick & lying in your own blood, everybody else's noise, crying babies...wtf

My family, thank god, demanded on my behalf that I be moved. Lo and behold 1 private room suddenly became available - if we paid for it.

Just tell them you're going home at x time. It's a hospital, not a prison. You have bodily autonomy and parental authority. Tell them that if they need to do any weighing/tests/get you to sign something, they need to do it before x time because you're leaving then.
Watch them get their shit together fast.

They are awful. After one noisy, hot night being woken every hr to check my baby for various signs of potential infection, trying and failing to get him to latch inbetween, women coming in and out, and trying not to bleed all over my clothes I could have wept when we were transferred the second night to an empty birthing unit nearby. Just me, DH, baby and 2 midwives.

Why is it so bad though? Lack of funds? Or they just don't give a shit?

Poor you, that sounds like a nightmare and so much of it preventable. I guess nobody dares call anyone out on bad behaviour these days with the levels of aggro shown by so many people 😐

Yanbu you should have got a private room.

You poor lady. YANBU. I was lucky enough to go to term with all my pregnancies, no issues with baby, so after my first horrific 4 day hospital postnatal experience I opted for homebirth for the rest. Couldn't do it again. I was 18, scared, and treated like crap. And that after a really hard 30 hour labour leaving me stitched to the eyeballs and catheterised.
Wish you and your lovely baby all the best

I don't know what just happened. I cracked and had my melt down. Demanded they weigh her so we could go home. She's lost 11% they've made me give her formula and said we can't go home today. I'm sobbing because I wasn't strong enough to stand up to them and I've let my baby down.

They are fucking awful and I'm amazed they're still allowed and/or more women and babies haven't died under such barbaric treatment. If men gave birth there is zero way wards would ever have existed. I signed out AMA after my first birth as was getting ill in there and had my second at home. They're terrible and then having the men cram in makes it worse.

You haven't let your baby down op. There's literally nothing else you could do. Post natal wards are terrible, they're just shit horrible places.

I bled all over my bed post c section, lay in it for an hour being ignored and then got told to sort it myself. I was in agony. The nurses were all assholes and the people sharing the ward were inconsiderate pricks.

Hang in there. You'll be home soon.

Agree with Oral. If men were post birth they'd all be in single rooms being pampered with giant steaks and dick massaging machines.