Parents have left adopted child out of will

[changedagainly]

I have two adult children one of whom was adopted aged 2 nearly 40 years ago, neither have ever been treated any differently by myself, my parents or the rest of the family. Child does know they're adopted.

My father died a few years ago and my mother is in her 90s and terminally ill. She has a few weeks at most and is very rarely lucid. I spoke to her the other day about arrangements for when the time comes and she let me know where her will was.

I've read it and when it mentioned grandchildren, my siblings children are all mentioned, as is one of my children. But not my adopted child.

I don't know what to do, obviously I can't do anything but I'm so worried this will destroy my child. They have always been so loving and caring to my parents and in fact are the only grandchild who has constantly cared for both my parents and given up huge amounts of their time and gone above and beyond to look after them both and especially my mother, they visit and care for her every day.

I just can't understand why when they are so close to this child they would exclude them? The will was written a long time ago but child was still in their early teens.

AIBU to be so upset?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable - it makes a really hurtful distinction between the adopted child and the rest of the grandchildren.

That's not very nice. I understand that. Only thing i can think is if you are left anything can you give some to your child from yours?

How devastating! So sorry this is happening OP, nothing you can do really but YANBU

Oh and not that I assume my life to be remotely interesting but fuck the fuck off Daily Mail or any other fucking media outlet I do not give permission for this fucking thread to be reproduced anywhere

Will the child find out? IE will the other children that are mentioned be told?

That is truly dreadful. Could you speak to your other sibling and see if you can both come up with a plan to give money to him (maybesome of both of yours?) then aslong as he's not at the will reading would he need to know?

Not a lot you can do about it but try to reassure your child. My parents are leaving everything to the sister that's closest in distance to them and has done the bulk of hte caring for them. I understand, but my brother is pissed off. Well, it's their money. It's a bit shit, are YANBU to be upset.

Oh that is so sad OP. Is is the estate worth much? Can you just give your child the amount their sibling gets and not say anything - who is the executor?

How sad for your child to be left out. You must feel understandibly upset about this.

OMG I think I'd be brutal and ask did she intend to leave DS out?
Failing that I think I'd ask your siblings how they feel about DS being included?

I think it's brutal thing to do to him. And could fracture your family forever.

I think that if all the beneficiaries agree and are adults a deed of variation can change a will. Do you think the other grandchildren will feel that their cousin should benefit or will they prefer to keep their share of the assets?

There's no need for any of them to know (assuming you and your siblings are executors and agree). Will readings only exist in films. In reality you take will to solicitor who sorts it all out.

If you have also inherited then you can do a deed of variation so that an amount equivalent to what the grandchildren are currently getting comes out of your inheritance to go to your adopted child.

Would your siblings share your feelings about the unfairness?

If so, perhaps they would be willing to include your adopted child and split any inheritance equally between all the grandchildren. There would be no reason for them (grandchildren) to know, if all siblings were agreed on it.

It must be very hurtful - you have my sympathy. Unfair wills can do so much damage.

This happened to us. Their only grandchild too. Never forgiven MIL

That is really awful. Given your DM’s state of mind there is probably no point raising it with her. Would your other child be willing to share his inheritance with his sibling? This might soften the blow.

That's absolutely awful. I think the best thing to do is to try and stop either of your children finding out. There is no need to have any kind of "reading" of the will. If you forgo a portion of your inheritance to the same value as that left to their sibling and redirect it to your child then hopefully they will never find out. I don't see anything to be gained from being honest in this situation.

its cruel.

Would your other child be open to sharing their share as it really is only half theirs. This won't stop the feeling of rejection that yoru adopted child will have- but it might stop the hurt echoing down through the generations.

I will pm you too

I feel like I can't ask my mother about it at this late stage.

Yes estate is of a fairly significant value although the gift to DGC isn't very much, the bulk of it is all to my siblings and I but all DGC are listed by name except this one.

Irony is my child has been taking on the bulk of the care work alongside me. We're the only ones who do!

Have you asked your Mum why? On one of her more lucid days since finding the will? If you don't, I have a feeling you may I've to regret it...

The GCs don't ever need to see the wills, so if it is 'just' a point of the GCs being given £1k each with remainder going between you and sibling, I'd give the left out child the £1 regardless.

I wonder whether at the time the will was being done there was some now long forgotten issue going on.

It must be very upsetting for you.

Oh Fuck that’s horrible
Really cruel
It’s not the money it’s the sheer cruelty

How much money are we talking here however ?

I would be inclined to write to all siblings and explain and ask if they are willing to draft an agreement to share equally

This needs a risks analysis however as it people would say not it’s a shit parade

Or you cover adopted child
From your share

I am so sorry . Must be hard to have to care for her knowing this

*Live - I'm an iPhone user trying to use an Android tablet! 😳

Is your mum in a position to change it?

It's absolutely awful and it's not about the money really is it. They will find out even if you make sure they have the same inheritance, they will know and will feel lesser than their sibling as a result.

Is it the custom to read someone's will before they have passed ?
I have a copy of a relative's will, in a sealed envelope. I would not dream of reading it, until the correct time

If the siblings are close then I should think the one left the money would give 50% to the other sibling, as once it theirs it's do as they want .