To think £ 100 p.w board is a little too much to charge ds?

[ginorwine]

Ds returning from uni . We live rurally but he has managed to find f.t job for the summer , then plans to travel .
He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc . We are on minimum wage and have to be careful
.
Dh thinks ds will get £ 320 pw , and feels we should charge him
£ 100 p.w . His thoughts are that rent alone would cost him that . This would be for food , electric and council tax and include food .
Am struggling with this idea but I do want him to learn responsibility and pay his way and whilst we can’t afford to keep him without a contribution , I feel £ 50
More reasonable ?
Dh says that ds will have £ 200
Plus pw to save for travel
If we charge the £ 100 pw and he will have much more disposable income even if he pays that ... Aibu ..

He must be about 22, (gap year then 3 years at uni) so certainly not a student though comes across as one.

It isn't about how any of the bills are, or are not, affected. It is about a young adult paying his way.

Instead of haranguing OP think about why an adult should not pay towards all household expenses. Why not?

Oh and so difficult to get on the housing ladder.

but it isn’t true of things like council tax because he is contributing to waste and using the pavements like everyone else
thats not how council tax is worked out its based on the value of youre house not on how much you use the council.

Because it’s not his place? Be better for him to move out.

Is it £320/wk before or after tax and deductions?

I would approach this the other way round and have a convo about this. Set out what you’ve said ‘we’re on minimum wage, most months we have £x left at end month. You living here is going to increase our gas/electric/water/food bills. What do you think is a fair contribution from you towards that?’

To me that’s treating him like an adult. If you put it as ‘handover £100 a week’ it sounds like profiteering and you don’t give him a chance to do the thinking so he won’t learn he’ll just resent.

I would say £200 pm is fair for food and lodging. It will cover any additional costs to you and allow him to save to travel.

Sorry, crossed over. Who just text suggesting 200 for what?

There is no way on earth that bills are going up £100 per week when he’s at work all day.

OK why don't you say he can pay 1/3rd (if there are 3 adults there) of the bills each month and also buy his own food?

I think your son will be finding his own home soon, though.

But when ops bills added up, it comes to just short of £1000, so hardly seems fair when four people live in the house that ds has to contribute £400 (just over if take into account calendar month). Also hate it when people use the excuse ‘teaching financial responsibility’, as that’s just an excuse to justify charging. I believe a contribution may be needed to help with household expenditure, but £400 sounds like a money making exercise, and not really teaching financial responsibility. £50 pw sounds more reasonable.

I just think it will be simpler/easier, if he pays his share of the bills and buys his own food. Otherwise I can predict right now what's going to happen. Your DH will be complaining your DS is eating too much and should be charged more, and you will be stuck in the middle trying to place peacemaker.

OP I love the idea of saving some of it to give back to him before travelling (if you can) Or put it towards something more expensive for his travels - like a large backpack or a train pass.
but it you can't do that, I think £75/week is fair.

It would be different if he were say 28/30, and had just moved back in because he was aimless. But you've already said he is working this summer job with a specific goal of travelling afterwards. if he genuinely is trying to save (rather than just spending it on going out) you should help him to save. ONly to the extent you're not out of pocket obvs.

Start at £75 and tell him that if he doesn't look like he's saving that much then you will need to raise it to £100

He'll be made up if you say £100 then! Discuss with your husband the possibility holding back £20 per week and giving the accumulated sum back to your son when he sets off travelling. It will be an unexpected boost for his travels. If he can eat £50 worth of food a week, £30 is reasonable for everything else, though he should cover his own clothing, meals out, pub, haircuts, mobile etc himself.

When I got my first job, Mum set my dig money to 25% of take-home pay. I felt that was fair. I still do.

If you took 25% that is £80, roughly halfway between your £50 and your husband's £100. It leaves your ADULT son with £240/week in his pocket, which isa damn sight more than I have to myself !

He absolutely does need to contribute to the household, he's not a child any more. All the posters outraged by this notion - I'm happy you're so financially comfortable, but the OP has been clear that they have to live frugally, and says of her son "He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc ." I've just become reacquainted with how much an adult son can eat myself. And that games console fairly eats up the electricity (thank you Smartmeter). The buggers are expensive! So stop with the guilt trip and count yourselves lucky you don't have to get your adult children to chip in. That is a luxury not everyone has.

@ginorwine, if you have been living frugally you know how much everything is costing you, and can see where the costs have gone up. Would it make you feel better if you asked for £100, tracked your increased costs and put his 'unused' dig money to one side, possibly to give back to him towards e.g. a flat deposit at a later date?

But he needs to get used to the costs of living. I thought skybluee's idea was a good one.

When I got my first job, Mum set my dig money to 25% of take-home pay. I felt that was fair. I still do.

If you took 25% that is £80, roughly halfway between your £50 and your husband's £100. It leaves your ADULT son with £240/week in his pocket, which isa damn sight more than I have to myself !

He absolutely does need to contribute to the household, he's not a child any more. All the posters outraged by this notion - I'm happy you're so financially comfortable, but the OP has been clear that they have to live frugally, and says of her son "He eats a lot , showers a lot ... etc ." I've just become reacquainted with how much an adult son can eat myself. And that games console fairly eats up the electricity (thank you Smartmeter). The buggers are expensive! So stop with the guilt trip and count yourselves lucky you don't have to get your adult children to chip in. That is a luxury not everyone has.

@ginorwine, if you have been living frugally you know how much everything is costing you, and can see where the costs have gone up. Would it make you feel better if you asked for £100, tracked your increased costs and put his 'unused' dig money to one side, possibly to give back to him towards e.g. a flat deposit at a later date?

But he needs to get used to the costs of living. I thought skybluee's idea was a good one.

OP says £100 for food. How on earth can you feed four people on that? We spend way more than that for two of us.

Double post? Gah!

I wouldn’t charge him anything. I might have a chat over water usage but realistically the bills won’t go uo that much and I would be happy to feed my children even as adults without charge.

It all sounds so fun at that house.
I work with young people and the way they are treated by parents at times is unbelievable. Parents here are trying to fleece the op’s son.

Comparisons with private rent don't make sense because staying in your childhood bedroom with M&D isn't remotely the same - or anything like as good - as taking a lease on a flat.

Lodger and paying-guest agencies don't charge commercial rent levels for this reason.

Spare rooms/childhood rooms are cheap, regardless of whether you're related to the homeowner.

Parents here are trying to fleece the op’s son.

Oh FGS. Please define “fleece”, because I wouldn’t have thought living in a house where all your food and bills are covered, and meals cooked for you, for £400 a month, amounted to being “fleeced” by any reasonable definition.

My first post-uni home: rented from a landlady, paid £600 a month plus contribution to council tax, my own food bought and cooked.

You could keep half and bank half for ds? So he saves 50 (and can’t touch it) and you have 50 for board?

Can you discuss it with him and come to a reasonable amount?
I think stating an arbitrary amount whether it is £50 or £100 would be unfair, without some discussion.

I think £ 50 is fair
I just hope he saves much of the rest ! X