“How do you think it’s acceptable?” - Help

[Spiceupyourlife]

DH and I are newly married.

No history of arguments but yesterday we’d spent the whole day traveling home from a holiday - both tired and very hungry as hadn’t eaten all day.

I went out to do the shop whilst he stayed home to unpack and when I returned (and started making food) he pointed out that I’d bought too much of something (Jam) as we’d already got some.

Oh sorry I didn’t check/ realise. He then stands there with the jam in his hand asking me where this should now go as there’s no room on the shelf. (Whilst I was trying to make dinner) 🙄.

I perceived his tone to be quite nit picky and annoyed so asked “How do you think it’s acceptable to male a big issue of this now?” (Both tired and hungry whilst I’m trying to cook)

He took HUGE offence to my use of this phrase and we didn’t speak all night/ morning. (He asked if I wanted to talk JUST as I’d made my food and I said no as I wanted to eat my first meal of the day - 9pm)

Now he’s basically implying my that my use of ‘how do you think it’s acceptable?’ Is manipulative/ unreasonable behaviour and that I’m overly aggressive when we disagree 🤔

Am I? Is ‘how do you think it’s acceptable to...?’ A completely inappropriate way to communicate.

WoollyMummoth has nailed it I think:

‘How do you think it’s acceptable’ sounds very teachery, it sound like something I would say to a child at school . If I said that to dh he’d tell me to stop ,’teaching’ hi

• who do we all know teaches children about what is 'asseptable' and 'unasseptable'?

Supernanny!

Coffeeonthesofa's response is brilliant.

I think you both need to timeyour meals better and learn to apologise and forgive hangry spats. Otherwise your marriage won’t last.

He asked if I wanted to talk JUST as I’d made my food and I said no as I wanted to eat my first meal of the day - 9pm

I know talking with your mouth full is considered rude, but it IS possible to have a conversation at dinner you know. Sounds like OP started the silent treatment for all those getting in a froth about red flags.

OP, I once had a blazing row with my husband about who was more prone to leaving the living room door open of all things. He had to go for a walk to cool off, so I've been there with silly rows. But when he got back from the walk we both said sorry, kissed, and made-up. That's all it really needs.

@SenselessUbiquity has it bang on I'm afraid.
He was being a jam prat and is mega pissed that you called him out on it. Rather than backtrack he is twisting everything to be your fault. It's not.

@coffeesonthetsble
Reasonable reaction. Good husband.

@thatcatcandance

Very forgiving of you to get over such an awful comment 2 weeks after you had gotten married.

Makes you wonder about what he really thinks.

Posters have literally admitted to violent and irrational behaviour and no one says anything as they are women.

Well, the thread isn't about what other anonymous posters may or may not have done, is it? (Although I'd imagine those 'throwing things' responses were tongue in cheek.) It's about the OP's jam.

Him- (huffs and turns away- think he muttered something but can’t be sure)
Me- how do you think it’s acceptable to make a big deal of this right now?

He wasn’t making a big deal about it though, just muttering and a bit flummoxed to why you had bought so much jam. I don’t understand why you said what you did tbh.

Hopefully now you’ve eaten and slept it’s water under the bridge.