To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

Honestly, at the end of the day it's just a personal thing. I love breastfeeding, I love the time we spend together cuddled on sofa while she feeds, her milky smiles when she looks up, I love how convenient it is, that I don't have to remember bottles or wash and sterilise things all the time, that I don't have to worry about running out of formula or about going on trips, that I can soothe her so easily when she's sore or unwell, I love that my body alone has made my baby grow into the little chunk she is now. I can express so her dad can feed her and we have a huge freezer stash but they do plenty together outside of feeding (I don't really see giving a bottle as bonding particularly, although DP did that loads in first few weeks when I was expressing, more as just feeding a hungry baby but others might see it as a bonding thing). I love that breastfeeding is something special for just me and her.

But that's me. It's not anyone else. And plenty of people won't have the same experience and that's fine. We are happy so that's all that matters. In a few years it won't even matter to her, but I'll remember this time 'being pinned down on the sofa' fondly (written while being pinned down on sofa )

There's been a few comments about age being a factor, and I have also heard this from you're women that it's an old women thing to do. Younger DMs do seem to do it differently, some of which is lack of knowledge of the reality of differences between bf and bottle.

I found BFing my third and fourth children an absolute walk in the park from the off but my first and second were a different story entirely. Cracked nipples, tongue tie issues with DC1, was recovering from hugely traumatic births both times, mastitis, colic etc. It wasn’t easy whatsoever and I could so easily have given up but I really didn’t want to and am now glad I didn’t. I liked the fact feeding was my bonding time with my babies. DH had his own time doing other things but feeding was our personal thing and I enjoyed that personally.

Formula is extortionate and just looks like a massive faff, I couldn’t be bothered with it personally.

Some of the judgy comments on here from women pushing breastfeeding are awful.

I think pretending breastfeeding is always easy for women probably does lead to women giving up when they find out it is not like that. Like the comment above about breastfeeding just being unclipping your bra and way easier than formula feeding. The reality is for a lot of women breastfeeding is much harder than formula feeding.

I think "fed is best" is a very irresponsible message. People need to realise that what we eat matters. Fed is not best. Fed is the minimum. Would you let a four-year-old eat whatever they want because "fed is best"?

With my DD (my first) I didn't want to, I have very sensitive nipples and was terrified tbh, but I was really pressured into it by my midwife, once my DD was born I tried, but she was born with too much mucus on her stomach and therefore wouldn't feed, as it was telling her she was full, she lost over 10% of her weight in the first 3 days. We ended up having to use a bottle to get food in her, I was expressing at first, but dried up at 6 weeks, I really felt I had failed as a mother and it really added to my PND.

With my DS (my second) I told my midwife in no uncertain terms that I would not be breastfeeding and they just accepted it, once he was born I had a change of heart and did give it a go, but he kept coming out in hives, so had to stop, but felt like at least I had tried.
Basically I found it so much easier to at least try without the pressure put on me be professionals. I think that can be one of the reasons why people don't, they feel so pressured to do so and they fight back by not doing it.
Some feel scared, scared of failing, scared of other people's opinions etc.
Some just don't like the idea of it.

Just didnt want too.

Nobody else's business. I've known lots of people who just didn't fancy it, they no doubt had their reasons, I didn't question it. All their children grew up well.

my friend desperately wanted to but couldnt becasue she had been sexually abused all through her childhood by her father who used to use this as a particular area of his disgusting acts.i did think this was the saddest reason id heard.

and why shes the bravest woman ive ever known

What a difference it made through illness! Yes. Seems to resolve everything! Tiredness, teething, temps, when no food eaten will always bf, etc. For many, not all though. Our bodies are designed to respond to stimulation even after a gap from bf for that purpose.

@kateandme That reason has been mentioned a few times on this thread. I suspect it is a more common reason for not trying than those pushing breastfeeding realise.

Not in the context of feeding children who are not yet on solids it isn't @Valanice1989.

Even then, there are parents of older children with sensory issues (for example) who are just happy that they eat, even if all they eat is chicken nuggets and chips.

I do think those of you who don't like the defensiveness this topic inevitably causes would do well to commit some of the posts about why have kids then, I can't understand how you could possibly feel different to me and that's your fault not mine, you're lazy but also formula is more of a faff than breastfeeding to memory.

When I see posts like that, I laugh at what nasty little turds the posters concerned are being, and hope their babies didn't get too much bile from their breastmilk. But for some women it's really upsetting, and makes them less willing and able to be open in the future.

Very interesting comments here. Some seem completely emotionally led responses and quite defensive and others are very interesting and understandable.

I really hope I can breastfeed when I have a baby. I think it's an amazing way to bond with the baby, it has natural health benefits, I've heard it can help mum lose weight and it also could help reduce costs at an expensive time.

Would you let a four-year-old eat whatever they want because "fed is best"?

No, but formula is not akin to junk food. It’s a perfectly nutritious product.

I don’t like ‘breast is best’ OR ‘fed is best’. Neither are necessarily ‘best’ for all circumstances. Everyone’s circumstances are different.

They start them because they are judgey EKGEMS of course they say they are not but it they didn't judge than why would they care how other women choose to feed their babies ?

DDiL didn't attempt it, made her decision well in advance of the birth, just didn't want to. That's entirely a matter for her. I must admit, having been an extended bf-er with both of mine, I had to admit how much easier ff made things for her as a new mum in that DS, me, DH, her mum, sister uncle tom cobley and all could take a turn with the feeding which meant she could rest and recover.
I'm still very much pro-bf, but not militant about it.

Pungifries I would have been gutted to not be able to also, you are certainly not alone in that.

Op you sound as ignorant as a friend of mine who doesnt understand why a woman would never want children. All I can put this down to is their is a special sort of stupid of people who 'cant understand' these things.
I tried myself but it didnt work and I thought why am I wrecking myself so just formula fed.
My ds is perfectly fine.
In saying that the only two people who I know exclusively fed, their kids are just constantly sick! So there you go. Fed us best.

A very long labour followed by ventouse and forceps left me in agony (actually found out my coccyx was fractured during the process). Left with a baby that cried non-stop (probably due to the damage labour did to her too), and unable to sit down. I was in so much pain, and I was so so tired. Hospital was like a conveyor belt - in and straight out. I tried, and ended up with bleeding nipples. My whole body felt like a car crash - stitches, bruising, bleeding, and absolutely exhausted. So I gave up BF pretty quickly due to the cocktail of painkillers I took to get through the day. I'd had enough of chronic pain. Could I have carried on? Maybe, but I'd hate to think of what this might have done to my already diminished MH. Interestingly my Nan described how wonderful nursing homes were when she had her babies, how they took the babies away at night so the mothers could rest, food brought to their beds - proper care. Clearly we can't/don't do this now - but I suspect the whole experience might be so much better if we cared more for mothers, rather than spoke at them about their inadequacies.

I've heard it can help mum lose weight and it also could help reduce costs at an expensive time.

Don’t bank on either of those things. I held on to weight all through bfing (when I stopped it fell off) and that’s reasonably common.

Things like pumps, lansinoh, feeding clothes can be very expensive. I’m never sure how much I saved, if anything.

I would encourage you to do it though, not for any of these reasons, but because once established I found it a lovely experience.

I think it is an interesting topic to explore. But some of the comments on this thread supporting breastfeeding have shocked me.

And yes I do think some people, especially those who have a history of being treated poorly by authority, respond to this kind of thing with - well fuck you, I will formula feed then.

We all know what actually needs to happen to increase breast feeding rates. And that does not include nasty bullying comments.

Tried but absolutely flat nipples she couldnt find, shit at expressing, hardly no milk, dealing also with depressed husband, shields that fell off, just not for me. Soo relieved when I cut it out.