To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

Yes YABU

If you dont feel comfortable asking your friend you should know its not right to ask randoms.

@Moodyfoodie Is it any wonder people are defensive on this topic? Look at the post I was replying to, which suggests things like poor latch and lack of support are invented excuses by lazy and selfish mothers. I may be many things, but I’m not a lazy or selfish mother and I reserve the right to be defensive when called such.

The OP said none of these things of course, just subsequent posters, and I acknowledged later in my post that I wasn’t really the target audience to give a response. But given that 88% of women initiate breastfeeding, there aren’t that many people here to be the target audience to give that response.

jenny

Yes, i take your point about companies used to advertise formula as being better for babies, i can see why women weren't making informed choices then, or rather had to make them in a lot of cases.

I do see it different now though, i know people can argue formula is seen as the norm, which i agree with but there are women like myself who knew formula was not as good as breastmilk and never argued it, but i just did not want to BF any longer.

I am stunned you can’t think of a few reasons why someone might not want to yourself?

DC1, felt forced to try and I was repulsed by it - I also had severe Pnd and the midwives manhandling me postnatally and badgering me to BF contributed to that.
DC2, no intention whatsoever and was glad there was a small age gap which I used as an excuse to not be tied to BF.
DC3, no intention, but he latched on his own shortly after birth and fed him happily for 5 weeks until I went back to Uni. (I was glad I was going back and had an excuse to stop as I couldn't leave the house with him (I wouldn't feed in public).
DC4, planned to Bf and fed for 5 months until I went back to uni. Loved it, she was easy to feed I've fed her all over the place with no fucks given. It was a massive wrench to stop feeding her.

It’s a shame women feel like the need to question other mums on what they do with their baby.
My first was a severe IUGR pre eclampsia baby, and didn’t not have the weight to lose to successfully BF. My second had low blood sugar and low temperature and I had a bleed from my bladder.
Between midwives and judgey other mums I felt an abject failure, having had to have IVF, then 2 complex pregnancies and to then feel that I couldn’t even do that bit. Yes, breast is best, thanks, I think we know that. But really, REALLY, are bf kids any different to bottle? I think kids’ health is far more complex that bf or not. I didn’t notice any specific children that were cleverer, fitter or didn’t get colds etc.

Is there not enough pressure on women from other areas, can we not stop the flipping who-is-the-best-mum competition.

My little Teenies only took a couple of Oz at a time to start with. I had other mums hinting at how undernourished they were. Well, those mums have fat fucking kids now.
Happy baby=happy mummy. Leave it there.

I exclusively breastfeed and my baby is 10 weeks now, but it has not been easy at all. The first few weeks of cluster feeding were hell. No cracked nipples, it was just the tiredness of her fussing in the evenings. Now she she sleeping better at night and getting into a routine but I am not sure if i can do it all again when she is a toddler and I have a new baby.

Because I didn't want to

I didn't want:

To be tied down
To not know how much my baby was taking
To be the only one responsible for feeding my baby
the baby's father to be left out
the baby's father to take backseat to parenting
to have a child attached to me 24/7
to be in pain
to resent the baby for causing that pain

@TruthOnTrial not quite true - breastfeeding is better but the differences are very small. It's not "far more beneficial".

E.g. the stats posted by another poster up thread; 10 FF babies in 2000 getting chest infections vs 6 in 2000 BF babies. That's only a 0.2% increase in chest infections for FF babies. That's pretty marginal!

I mixed fed then just bf. I don’t understand why mix feeding isn’t more common in the uk as it in other parts of the world. I avoided the worst of times he cluster feeding by mix feeding and giving a dummy.
I don’t think hcps are good enough at giving support a lot haven’t bf and the midwives in hospital didn’t notice my milk hadn’t come in! We got readmitted.
It’s was a bit sore but not agony at first but did become agony at times later ( blocked ducts, thrush and repeated nippple blisters) so I totally unstandard the it’s too painful part if you suffer any of these early on.

Women are definitely judged in the uk regardless of how they feed. Personally I’ve experienced judgement for giving a bottle ( when mix feeding), for breastfeeding a 6 month old in public and currently very much judged for still feeding the two year old even though I only feed him at night.

Some women have major anxiety around it, the concept of BFing in front of others and so forth.
Some women just don’t like the idea of it, no idea why. My DM and DGM didn’t BF because it ‘felt weird’ and they ‘didn’t want to feel like a prized cow’ .

I BF all of mine. It wasn’t easy with them all at all but I persevered and was glad I did. I found it far easier than FF ever would have been. Couldn’t be arsed making up bottles, especially through the night and it’s so expensive too.

Bottling feeding goes on and on.
Bf can be very difficult to establish in the early weeks, which is the time our bodies are recovering, it is better for us to be resting/reclining, cuddling baby, I'd prefer that to traipsing out to the kitchen with newborn trying to juggle bottles, kettles, powders, when tired.
This establishing phase is very short-lived and I could just walk out the house with my babies without having to consider all the bottles faff, I found it very freeing when I compared it to watching the preparation a DM bottle feeding went through, and the extra bags and considerations involved. It really brought it home to me all the hassle that bottles brought (cost, time, energy etc)

Because I didn't want to and there isn't a single person in the world who has the right to force me to do something with my body that I do not wish to do.

I think it's great so many women breastfeed but i couldn't be arses with the faff when formula would (and has done) raise a perfectly healthy child

Eh? Have you got that the wrong way round, in what world is formula less of a faff than breastfeeding. How can unclipping a bra be more faff than the time and effort invovled in following the rules on making up bottles?

Unless you know she didn't attempt, "it wasn't for me" could mean that she didn't try or that she tried by didn't like it, or it didn't work well.

You can get lots of responses from here, but surely you'll only know if you ask her. I'm sure you could do it without seeming judgemental.

Lack of info and exposure for it to be even considered and not just something 'other people did'; the birth causing physical and emotional damage to the body. yes BF is natural, but many people have medical interventions during labour, necessary but means recovery isn't always condusive with BF'ing; women are capable of making a decision about their body as to whether they can mentally (and/or physically) establish BFing and look after themselves and their newborn; don't like the thought of it, plenty of things are natural but not appealing; having to go back to work soon after birth and not wanting to pump; wanting support feeding from family etc; previous experience or fear of baby struggling to put weight on, or the anxiety of not knowing how much baby has had. And just not wanting to, these are all reasons Ive heard and any reason is valid.

I don't think it's a bad judgey question just a simple question :) we were discussing this at work and I didn't think about breastfeeding, i just went straight to the bottle, I don't know why! But all I could think was that I see boobs as a sexual thing, yes I know that may be 'ridiculous' and they are there to feed and have been like that for thousands of years but I don't know I think times have changed and I was a younger mum, maybe it was more of a modern thing to do! I know my comment may seem odd and feeding a baby no matter what is important. I just see boobs as a rudey thing and feel odd putting it in my babies mouth, just me!

I have epilepsy and lack of sleep plays havoc with my health - given the option of breast feeding and fitting left right and centre, or letting DH handle his share of night feeds so I can get some sleep, it’s a no-brainer. As far as I’m concerned I have a responsibility to guarantee my health to ensure I am well enough to provide basic care and not risk a tiredness-endured fit whilst holding baby (formula is preferable to dropping in my book)

Tinker. We all know no-one has the right to force you? No-one has talked about forcing? Did you feel forced? That's horrible

Trying and failing to breastfeed my daughter triggered severe PND. The failing was part of it (she had a short tongue and a small mouth, I'd had a traumatic c-section and lost over 2l of blood, I'd been in further surgery for 4 hours after she was born so didn't see her for ages etc etc - the odds were stacked against us) but actually just the act of doing it was horrible for me in ways I never expected. I hated, HATED the sensation of being full of milk, I cried every time my nipples leaked, the whole thing just made me feel completely nauseous and miserable. I tried for as long as I could bear until a midwife, seeing what a state I was, and knowing that DD had been in A&E with dehydration, told me to stop. I cried with relief.

So I don't know if I'll try again with a second. I probably will, just to see if I still get those same feelings. If I do, I'll stop immediately. Because PND nearly killed me and I'd do anything to avoid it.

Did it with my first and hated it. Also wanted dad to feed and help with nights as he’s a night owl anyway. I much prefer giving a bottle

I didn’t make any milk. There was nothing there The m/w didn’t believe me at all and said I was to wait until my boobs felt big and tingly !
My daughter is 17 now and I’m still waiting for those big tingly boobs

I bottle fed. She’s fine

Anyway it’s the mothers body. Mothers choice

Apparently it hurts. I don’t do pain. I went through enough of that with all the tests, operations and procedures involved in getting and staying pregnant. (Had a CS which was lovely thanks)
I like sleep. I want a baby who sleeps and I want DH to do at least half the night time wakings. (He did most- he’s better at being sleep deprived than me)
In the event DS was early and couldn’t- I did try to give him a day or two worth of colostrum. If it had been easy and pain free I might have continued. It was actually impossible, DS just couldn’t do it.
I suppose it’s like lots of other things, I often wonder why on earth people do or don’t do lots of things. We’re all different.
It’s not a big deal really though is it? It’s a tiny part of parenting. It feels huge when you have a little baby but DS is at school now- we have more important things to worry about.

Why do people start threads like this? There's a myriad of reasons why a woman doesn't breastfeed. Some by choice many not.

Because I had a congenital disorder with my breasts that meant I could never breast feed.
Broke my heart. As does the continued and subversive campaign that “breast is best” making me feel that I failed my baby.
I even had to have a note put on my antenatal file as the midwives kept asking me and it had me in tears every time.