To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

The usual defensive replies. OP wasn’t being judgemental at all so I don’t see why so many people bothered to reply without answering the question.
I understand that there are a very small amount who physically cannot breastfeed but other than that tiny % it seems that it’s mainly for selfish reasons. I’m not saying that as an insult, I’m saying it as a fact. For example, wanting more sleep, wanting someone else to do feeds, not wanting to be tied to your own baby, just not feeling like it, they’re all reasons that benefit the mother.

@Emzeeb - the question wasn’t which is better but why some don’t attempt bf. We are lucky we have a choice of two excellent options.

Because they're British. Used to baffle me as a midwife in the UK how many women didn't even attempt it. I work in Canada now and I have never had a woman not even attempt it. I've had a few who have stopped relatively quickly, but the only person I know who didn't even try was one of my oldest friends, who is on an epilepsy medication which means she couldn't BF. The lack of BF in the UK is almost entirely a cultural issue.

My boys are now 9 and 12_sI perhaps times have changed Phoenix but there was very little support for breast feeding when I had just given birth which didn't help me as a new mother with a tiny baby maybe I would have tried for longer than a couple of days if midwives had been able to spend a bit more time with me .

I BFed all of mine for several months, but it really was a mental switch that clicked for me. Before they were born I hated the idea of it, and then after I finished, I can't imagine being ok with that any more.

My boobs have always been quite involved in my sex life. They give me and my DH pleasure, the idea of my babies being where my DH hangs out seems really odd to me once I'm out of the baby haze.

I can imagine for some people that switch just never clicks - their boobs continue to feel like they are linked with sexuality and pleasure. It doesn't help tbh when some women bang on about how much they looove BFing, like it brings them some physical pleasure.

Of course the time spent holding your baby is lovely, but for me it was a case of pure laziness that meant that I didn't have to faff about with making up bottles, sterilising, going downstairs in the middle of the night etc (this was before the days of Perfect Prep machines!) so I hope I would have felt the same closeness cuddling my baby while FFing as much as BFing - although I understand there may be some hormones at play too.

But I think the sensations that can be described as 'lovely' and 'bonding' can border on being construed as a little too enjoyable for the mum as well as the baby, and therefore get conflated with the sexual feelings we associate with our partners paying attention to our boobs.

I KNOW that boobs are literally MADE for feeding, not for pleasure, but apparently nobody told men or my libido that.

I understand that there are a very small amount who physically cannot breastfeed but other than that tiny % it seems that it’s mainly for selfish reasons

Is mental health a non-selfish reason for not BF do you think? Genuine q, I’m so over BF etc as it was so long ago for me! I’m just wondering if attitudes may be indicative of the attitudes to physical v mental health that sadly seem still prevalent.

I now tell people if they ask (infrequent) why I didn’t BF that I was too unwell after my first (PND) that I didn’t attempt it again. Which is the truth and to me a good enough reason but maybe others don’t see it that way

SOME women don't have enough milk ducts to make it a viable option, and keep passing out while trying to make breast milk because their pituitary goes into overdrive.

SOME women are on medication that is toxic for their baby.

SOME women hate it so much that it affects their bonding with their child.

SOME women prefer to share the load with their partner and find that the relationships between all three are stronger as a result.

There are so many reasons why.....

Untamedtoad

Well done! I understand your pride and hope we make it that far too 💪🏻

@B3ck89 yet noone can give a reference to a scientific paper

Naillig

it seems that it’s mainly for selfish reasons. I’m not saying that as an insult, I’m saying it as a fact. For example, wanting more sleep, wanting someone else to do feeds, not wanting to be tied to your own baby, just not feeling like it, they’re all reasons that benefit the mother

GOD FORBID something might benefit a MOTHER! NOO! That's disgusting! I don't care what you think frankly. You can judge all you like. It only reflects on you.

Both of my bottle fed children are tall, athletic and doing well academically and socially. Even if they weren't, I wouldn't say it was because they had bottles.

You sound insecure bless you. If you define yourself on your willingness to sacrifice yourself for your children in that way I only hope you don't have girls to learn from you.

RUDE and why should people have to justify there choices

@PianoPiano Formula isn't better, but it isn't as detrimental as a lot of BF's trope out to try and justify why mothers who don't are doing a disservice to their children. Unless studies from decades ago when formula was different, or WHO guidelines which take nto account women globally in its recommendations, or the NHS who in some cases blindly push it due to policy when it's detrimental to mother's and babies in some cases. It doesn't matter how others feed, but we should be supporting eachother, not assuming that those who don't BF are ignorant, or that they need an excuse. And I totally agree with @HennyPennyHorror.

“SOME women don't have enough milk ducts to make it a viable option, and keep passing out while trying to make breast milk because their pituitary goes into overdrive.”

No offence but that doesn’t actually happen does it?

the fact that breast milk is SUPERIOR to formula lol? It is? I don’t get what’s so hard to digest that?
@Emzeeb....an awful lot of people just don't want to do it for a multitude of reasons which is their own choice...How hard is it for some people to digest that!!!!

...if you google yourself there is plenty of evidence that BF is better than formula for mums and babies....

This is true but my issue is that proclaimed benefits of breastfeeding in developed countries are exaggerated (as it has already been mentioned on this thread numerous times). Many BF advocates use emotional language (e.g." breast milk is liquid gold", "breast milk is the very best thing any mother can give to her baby") instead of referring to measurable outputs from reliable studies.

Here is a useful summary of the latest studies on infant feeding:

expectingscience.com/2015/11/02/breastfeeding-benefits-the-real-the-imagined-and-the-exaggerated/

This post does not include the output from the recent research in Ireland which further questions statistical significance of relationship between BF and cognitive abilities later in life:

pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/139/4/e20161848

Of course, all the research proves that BF results in real and measurable benefits to the baby but they are not as major as some of us may believe.

b3ck fed is bare minimum

What an insulting load of bollocks

@Benes no it’s fact.

Fed is the absolute minimum you should be doing for your baby. Breast is best, formula is a totally acceptable choice if mother can’t/won’t breastfeed. Fed is best is a ridiculous marketing campaign which is helping to reduce breastfeeding rates in the western world with their scaremongering.

I think it's because they are selfish. I did struggle to get breastfeeding started, but I had decided to do it and I got through it. I didn't have support, formula is waved at you as the magic solution, but I thought breast feeding was best for my baby.

My mum bottle fed after giving up breastfeeding after a day. But your milk doesn't come in fully for a few days, and I think people don't get that and stop. My mum was very defensive of the whole thing and was negative about me trying to breast feed.

I did search out a breastfeeding group, but only went once, by then I was established although I did use their forum.

But I don't actually care what other people do. I wanted to do what I thought was best.

I've done both. I didn't find bottle feeding a faff at all. Mine took it cold straight from the fridge. But that was MY experience. I'd never say to another woman that it ISN'T a faff just as I'd never say to another woman that breast feeding IS soooooo easy. Everyone is an individual. Everyone can make their own choice. It's got nothing to do with anyone else.

Personally I found breastfeeding DC1 incredibly hard and soul destroying. We were both much happier when I stopped. DC2 was relatively easy to breastfeed but I nearly didn't try at all after my experience with DC1 and if I hadn't that would have been perfectly ok. Why do other people care?

I don't know why some people don't try. Surely it's what your breasts are FOR? Why would you rather stick a load of chemicals in your newborn's stomach?

@HennyPennyHorror I agree.

@Chocolateychocolate at least you know what the powered milk is , formula. You don't know what's in your body . Just saying. When you eat - there are a lot of chemicals. Just saying.

The benefits of breastfeeding have been widely exaggerated for those living in the developed world. The difference is negligible and is only for a very short window. Poverty has the biggest effect on development. That is a fact.

Fed absolutely is best. For some that is bf for others it's FF. The reasons behind this choice ( if it is a choice) are deeply personal. Calling people selfish and accusing them if doing the bare minimum is nothing but judgemental.

I'll say it again, this thread is showing the absolute worst of MN and some posters should be ashamed. I just hope nobody has been made to feel like a terrible parent on the strength of some of the comments.

yellow you've just contradicted yourself. If you don't care what others do then why do you label them "selfish?

Threads like this really do not help the small percentage of women (me included, clearly) who never had their milk come in. Spent days trying to feed and pump completely in vain and then months feeling guilty and that my body let me down.

My 5 month old DD is a happy, healthy and very content baby yet I've still been judged when I get out the formula at baby groups. No one bothers to ask why, just assumes I couldn't be arsed. Mothers should support each other, not judge.