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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
Herbert1234 · 06/07/2019 21:00

@TabbyMumz for me it's more from the antibodies point of view. I don't for one second believe children BF are more intelligent than those FF.

TabbyMumz · 06/07/2019 21:03

Pianopiano.....I happen to think a lot of it is over exaggerated nonsense. Anyway I have the living truth.. my kids were ff and are extremely intelligent....They really really did not miss out by not getting breast fed one bit.

TruthOnTrial · 06/07/2019 21:07

When the heading starts with . "This is a ground-breaking study"...I automatically switch off as that sort of language is the sort that makes me think it's really been written by a silly journalist

It's not been written by a journo?!! Confused
Its certainly more than a bit silly to conclude that the term 'ground-breakin g is silly

This is a meta study, which has significantly, scientifically speaking, more power.

It crosses cultures without social patterning, ruling out bias, meaning the other parallel results are even more robust.

Is there an argument that FF is best?

TabbyMumz · 06/07/2019 21:11

"It's not been written by a journo?!!
Its certainly more than a bit silly to conclude that the term 'ground-breakin g issilly

This is a meta study, which has significantly, scientifically speaking, more power.

It crosses cultures without social patterning, ruling out bias, meaning the other parallel results are even more robust.

You really believe all that don't you. I'm afraid I don't. It just doesn't look very professional. And as other posters have said it doesn't take into account any other socio economic factors. Sorry, but to me, to make such an assumption is ridiculous.

PianoPiano · 06/07/2019 21:16

I think a lot of Tabby posts answer your question OP.

ADogRocketShip · 06/07/2019 21:21

I didn't try it. I went to bf prenatal sessions and did tons and tons of research when I was pregnant but still decided not to try it. I just didn't want to - hard to explain really but the thought of it made me get panicky and feel trapped. I wanted DH to help me as much as he could as I knew motherhood would be a big shock to my system (it was. My god it was!) and bottle allowed me to feel comfortable with that. I didn't enjoy being pregnant much either and was counting down the minutes to be 'myself' again and have my body as my own as selfish as that may sound. Bottle feeding worked so well for us and if we have another I think we'd do it again (unless I feel a strong urge to bf next time!)

Sandybval · 06/07/2019 21:28

@PianoPianoYou can find research (of varying integrity) to support whatever message you are wanting to push, eg first result from is BF really better than formula: slate.com/technology/2006/03/rethinking-the-health-benefits-of-breast-feeding.html

PianoPiano · 06/07/2019 21:38

Ok Sandy but reputable research will show that BF is preferable to FF. .

Let's forget about research for a minute....why would the highly processed milk from a different species be better for human babies than their own mother's milk?

Emmabryant123 · 06/07/2019 21:41

I didn't try to breastfeed because I didn't want to. Simple as.

Slomi · 06/07/2019 21:46

If I ever have a second baby (big if) it'll be a few days so they get the colostrum and then straight to ff. I had a horrendous time with DD. They separated us for 3 hrs after an EMCS because there wasn't enough staff to bring me down from recovery straight away and when I was finally brought back to the ward they dumped DD on me and disappeared. I was alone until 9am the next morning, couldn't sit up with a drain coming out of my stomach, out of my mind on painkillers after 24 hours in labour at 3am and terrified I was gonna drop the baby, DD ended up in SCBU for 4 days with dangerously low sugars, lost 10% of her birth weight in 5 days and I was absolutely destroyed physically after a week of struggling and my milk still not coming in. I also found out afterwards that they had given my DD formula in the SCBU without telling me Angry (I requested my notes a few months later and that's how I found out). My DD was 6 days old before a midwife finally sat with me and tried to help me but by that stage I was an absolute state. The whole experience left me completely traumatised, I cried daily for months and still have PND. I'm sure my DD would have been much better off being FF from the beginning and having a happy mummy Sad. Don't judge people who are making the right choice for them, I wish so badly now that I had known enough to go with formula from the start

TabbyMumz · 06/07/2019 21:47

"Let's forget about research for a minute....why would the highly processed milk from a different species be better for human babies than their own mother's milk?"
I don't think anyone has said formula is better than breast milk? But it could be just as good.
And.. interesting that as soon as someone shows you a very good article on colostrum that you say "let's forget about the research"

Have you not noticed how lots and lots of people on this thread have said they didn't breastfeed for various reasons, a lot being that they simply didnt want to?

Parker231 · 06/07/2019 21:54

It’s not just what is best for the baby but the mother and whole family.

TabbyMumz · 06/07/2019 21:55

It’s not just what is best for the baby but the mother and whole family.
How so? It wasn't best for me or my family.

GreenTulips · 06/07/2019 22:00

My child would’ve starved to death - that doesn’t sound better does it?

Parker231 · 06/07/2019 22:07

@TabbyMumz - I meant that it isn’t as straightforward as whether it is just right for the baby but whether it’s good for the mother and also the father and siblings. The size doesn’t fit all.

TabbyMumz · 06/07/2019 22:17

Parker...ah ok, I get you now.

PianoPiano · 06/07/2019 22:51

Ok Tabby I just thought that it would be too difficult to find research you'd trust. What do you think about these links:?

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/removing-barriers-breastfeeding-uk/

www.unicef.org/topics/breastfeeding

jennymanara · 06/07/2019 22:55

UNICEF have wrongly quoted WHO in relation to breastfeeding.

catoney · 06/07/2019 23:08

There is no clear evidence to support bf

B3ck89 · 06/07/2019 23:16

I will always stand by ‘breast is best’ and
‘Fed is bare minimum’
I couldn’t give a shiny shit if it offends anyone.
There are hundreds of reasons why some don’t breastfeed, but why can’t we use the term breast is best? Because it is, There is plenty of evidence and is scientifically backed.

Parker231 · 06/07/2019 23:20

@B3ck89

‘Fed is bare minimum ‘. Makes it sound like they are hardly getting enough to survive!

Celebelly · 06/07/2019 23:31

I think the health benefits probably are a bit overblown for those of us in first world countries, although they still do exist. However breastfeeding is about more than physical health benefits for me, it's a special thing that we share and it gives my DD a lot of comfort. Whenever she is upset, in pain, unwell, breastfeeding soothes her and calms her in a way I don't think sucking on a bottle or dummy does.

It's a bonding thing, and I know people will object to that and say they bond fine without, and of course they do, but it's a specific kind of bond that's unique to breastfeeding I think and that having experienced I would be sad to miss out on. Others argue that dads bottle feeding is important for bonding - I don't really agree for our personal circumstances as my DP does a huge amount with our DD and I think he'd probably say feeding her from a bottle, which he does with expressed milk quite often, is one of the least 'bonding' type things he does. It is very convenient, though, but that seems to be distasteful to admit as a reason!

I guess it's about emotional health for me as well as physical, but we are fortunate that we are able to breastfeed (although we had a rocky start) and that my partner and my family have been 100% supportive the whole time. And I don't really care what others do - I'm proud of me and DD for overcoming our difficulties and managing to breastfeed and I love the time we spend doing it and that's what matters. I know I will look back on this time and know I did my best for her, and that's what every mum should be able to do, regardless of feeding method.

Kevintherootvegetable · 06/07/2019 23:39

For me, my first didn't take to it.I gave up after 3 weeks. Was it me? Was it the child? Definitely no support from public health nurses at the time but on my second, it was an amazing experience. It just happened so naturally and easily and I fed her for 2 years.

Cryalot2 · 06/07/2019 23:56

I thought it was choice.
Does it really matter how they are fed asong as they are fed and loved.
You make it sound superior by breastfeeding.
My eldest was tube fed anda medical condition which affected him.
Dh liked to feed and bond and help out so formula worked best.
As if that wasnt enough I was on medication which ruled it out.
Why should it matter ? Or why shou

Emzeeb · 07/07/2019 00:41

So many people who chose to formula fed get so offended by breastfeeding and the fact that breast milk is SUPERIOR to formula lol? It is? I don’t get what’s so hard to digest that?

(Definitely isn’t as hard as a newborn having to digest a belly full of powdered chemicals)