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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottle · 05/07/2019 23:20

It's interesting. If anyone asked me why I.... Am vegetarian /wear a head scarf /have certain religious views / weaned my child at a certain age, I wouldn't feel I was having to justify myself. I would just see that as someone else trying to understand a certain viewpoint. I guess this is a different issue.

As I said on an earlier post I genuinely feel a lot more informed and this helps me understand others so I'm glad I asked. Thanks for those who were able to elaborate on why they didn't want to or couldn't. I hope everyone and everyone's babbas sleep well in this warm weather. Happy weekend x

OP posts:
CalculateThis · 05/07/2019 23:40

Imagine saying you never cooked fresh food for your children because you didn't fancy it

This isn't comparable at all. Cooking food for someone is not the same as producing it and providing it through your own body.

but if someone said they felt as disgusted at the thought of bottle-feeding their baby (not a strawman, I've heard women say just that), would you be offended? Not a rhetorical question, genuinely asking

No, it's personal choice. If someone said 'all women who bottle feed their babies are disgusting' then yes. Or lazy and selfish, like this thread.

I actually don't have a problem at all with others breastfeeding, I don't even mention breastfeeding or my unwillingness to do it until I'm either asked (like the OP) or someone starts spouting nonsense about you being a lazy cow for not doing.

It's only ever the people who breastfeed that act 'superior' and unpleasant, not the other way around that I've seen.

CalculateThis · 05/07/2019 23:43

Always disguised as faux concern for your poor, neglected child.... When in reality it's a means to feel superior and demonstrate to others how much better you are at being a mum than they are.

Tigger001 · 06/07/2019 00:03

@Lottle let's be honest, it was never going to end well !!!

People don't breastfeed because thankfully we live in a country where women have a choice. I loved breastfeeding I don't care if people thought I was being "superior", I never was, it was the best choice for myself and baby.

My best friend had no intention of trying to breastfeed, her choice, she was aware of the benefits of the colostrum, just didn't even want to entertain the idea, which was reinforced after her c section and every part of her body was sore. Good on her, she did what was best for her mental health and ultimately her baby !!!

x2boys · 06/07/2019 00:35

I don't think it's helpful.to call formula feeding mothers lazy who don't care about their babies ,neither is it helpful for people to say they breastfeeding is disgusting ,we live in a country where we have a choice and we should be supporting mothers by whichever method they choose ,the most important thing is babies are healthy and happy and well fed in the great scheme of things it doesn't really matter how babies are fed as long as both mothers and babies are happy ,why anybody cares how another mother feeds their baby is beyond me.

NewYoiker · 06/07/2019 00:50

Well I haven't had a baby they lived past 25 weeks but I couldn't feed them even if they had lived. I've had breast surgery and have no nipple on one side and only half of one on the right. I look normal but breastfeeding isn't an option for
Me

JustMe81 · 06/07/2019 01:11

I breastfed my son for 20 months and stopped when I was around 10 weeks pregnant because he was down to just one feed and I wanted some time to myself before baby no2 arrives. Overall I loved it, I miss it, but the feeling of being trapped in the first few weeks is still very clear in my mind and although I’ll try to breastfeed the new baby I’m already slightly dreading the first weeks of getting established. I hated when people asked if I FF or BF, because you get judged either way. I was told I was a hippy who watched to much day time TV. I was told I should stop when baby got teeth, which he did at 3.5 months, I was told I was spoiling him, and that I was doing it for me not him! Hmm Feed your baby, love your baby, care for your baby, that’s all that really matters.

TruthOnTrial · 06/07/2019 01:39

only ever the people who breastfeed that act 'superior' and unpleasant, not the other way around that I've seen.

Well I can honestly say I've only ever seen the opposite frankly, as this thread proves. There was one pp that no-one agreed with, but frankly the misinterpreted, over judgemental behaviour of the FF toward the bf is shit

x2boys · 06/07/2019 01:51

I.think you are seeing what you want to see Truth there's been shit and judgemental comments on both sides personally I think this thread should be deleted as these kind of threads help no one ...

Seren85 · 06/07/2019 02:11

It had been said many times on this thread. But, because I don't fucking want to. The entire concept freaks me out. Having seen my niece be FF so Dad actually did the first feed and they shared and she's a perfectly healthy, robust and thriving little girl, I'm not buying the BF is imperative stuff. Keep your nose out of other people's business.

TruthOnTrial · 06/07/2019 02:13

Nope boys not at all.

TruthOnTrial · 06/07/2019 02:15

There's been some interesting responses but many have been just attacks at op for daring to enquire

HennyPennyHorror · 06/07/2019 02:31

For me, the thought of it was repulsive. I know that's not "normal" but it's how I felt. I had and have very small breasts....which is why, I think...they're hyper sensitive. I don't like them being touched at ALL.

Not even in sex. The thought of a baby "on them" was something that made me heave.

I have no issue with this...no regret or sadness. I don't understand how other women do it at all.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 06/07/2019 06:37

@TruthonTrial - I don't think it's about daring to enquire. It's about why the OP would need or want to know. Other women's motivations for how they feed their children are so personal and private yet it's constantly a subject up for public scrutiny and debate. There seems to be such a lack of 'live and let live' and support among mothers in this aspect of motherhood in particular. I honestly don't understand it.

crispysausagerolls · 06/07/2019 07:36

The thought of FF repulses me! Or is that not allowed?

bingbongnoise · 06/07/2019 07:45

@Lottle

Have to say I agree with you. And YANBU. I never understood it either.

Fine for those who try and cannot get baby to latch or cannot provide/produce enough milk, but it's beyond me why a woman would not at least TRY to give her baby her OWN milk.

feathermucker · 06/07/2019 07:47

I didn't want to.

MamaFlintstone · 06/07/2019 07:47

Crispy - that’s fine, so long as you’re saying the thought of you doing it repulses you, not when other women do it (although of course that makes zero sense because obviously it’s bollocks).

Because that’s what people who have said they felt disgusted by the thought of them breastfeeding, not that breastfeeding is disgusting.

CORSACORSA · 06/07/2019 07:51

I never fed my 3. Didn’t want to. No desire whatsoever. My decision and no one elses.

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 06/07/2019 07:54

I think many people think it will be easier to formula feed, because others can step in, etc. One of my friends from antenatal was adamant that AF was easier, however after seeing how much easier BF was for most others in the group she went on to BF her next two children.

NauseousMum · 06/07/2019 08:01

Because the chose not to or cannot for a multitude of different reasons personal to them and their situation.

My friend chose not too and was open when someone asked, she has no breasts. Not everyone would chose to be open but my friend felt the need as the group runner was judging her for not.

Sometimes i wonder if people ask to almosg validate their choices, which really don't need it. I've seen so many questions which depending on who is asking can be judgy and so the parent feels a need to explain. But it's all about the person asking who feels that by not doing things the same way as them, their choices come into question. I've seen it with feeding, sleeping and recently car seats when my friend asked about my dc being rear facing. I said i prefered it and believed it safer, told her about a video i had seen. She then began telling me reasons to turn her 9 month old ff (which i had no clue she was considering).

Beansandcoffee · 06/07/2019 08:03

Just leave women alone. It’s a non issue. All that happens is that those that don’t BF are made to feel guilty whatever and it isn’t on. It is cruel. I still say that if you live a group of adults up and test them there will be no difference as to how they were fed as babies.

Men would not pick on other men regarding the decisions they make. Just move on.

EnglishRose13 · 06/07/2019 08:03

I didn't want to. The thought of going through cracked and bleeding nipples makes my stomach turn. I have a weird thing about nipples anyway, so I had no chance.

Beansandcoffee · 06/07/2019 08:09

My baby went straight into special care when born as I had pre eclampsia and was very very ill. I couldn’t even walk to the unit to see him. I couldn’t feed him and I couldn’t express as I was too ill. I nearly died.

How do you think the comments on this post make me feel when peeps say I was lazy, couldn’t be bothered, failed my baby. It makes me want to hide.

Luckily my tiny beautiful baby boy is now a 17 year old 6 footer hoping to join the RAF and I couldn’t prouder.

Just back off some of you are horrible and bitches.

Hopoindown31 · 06/07/2019 08:10

Because attempting to bf my first was an utterly miserable experience for both of us and I did not want to repeat it again. I went through plenty of silent judgement from midwives and health visitors.

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