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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/07/2019 21:20

caution same here

PookieDo · 05/07/2019 21:21

I tried with DD1. She was early and very small and jaundiced, it was really horrible trying. Nothing was coming out. I was kept in for 3 days and kept trying with support. Even they were saying nothing was coming out, when they squeezed and prodded and poked and she was so sleepy. They gave me some bottles. I kept trying at home and nothing came out. I never had engorgement or anything. I didn’t even try with DD2. I have had breast scans and exams I have very hard fibrous tissue going on in there. Who knows. They don’t seem to work how they should

Slicedpineapple · 05/07/2019 21:21

Skimmed through this thread and quite frankly, there are a lot of total assholes replying.

I wanted to breastfeed my baby. She wouldn't latch because my nipples are very flat. She couldn't pull my nipples through shields enough to get milk.
So I expressed as much milk as I could despite having a low supply.
I was going to go to feeding appointments to try and get her on the breast after she was 3 weeks old but realised how the pressure I was putting on myself was effecting my mental health.

So I mix feed. My milk is now drying up, and I cried when I realised. But I have done what I could for my baby. She didn't get an abundance of milk, but got everything I could give her. Her being fed, and my mental health, are just as important as BF.

Anyone that thinks I'm a lazy mother using excuses can jog on.

Katinski · 05/07/2019 21:22

Queen Victoria shared the view of being disgusted by the process tooSmile
She liked the process by which babies were made tho...Wink

coconuttelegraph · 05/07/2019 21:22

I find olives disgusting too, it doesn’t mean that they are

In that case it would seem that you don't know what disgusting really means

Pieceofpurplesky · 05/07/2019 21:24

I wanted to but I didn't produce milk, despite enormous boobs My stick answer was 'it wasn't for me' because I felt guilty that my body let my son down.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 05/07/2019 21:24

No, I don't understand how some women simply 'don't fancy it' or 'want to rest' rather than even try to see if they can BF, given BF is the optimum baby food. Not even to see if you can give your child the best because you want to rest or just don't like the thought? Imagine saying you never cooked fresh food for your children because you didn't fancy it. It sounds so immature. People would go nuts.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 05/07/2019 21:25

I wanted to breastfeed my baby

Then you're not the subject of this thread, are you, since this is about people who don't even want to try. Duh.

Valanice1989 · 05/07/2019 21:26

I'm perfectly aware that breasts are designed for BF, I'm not dumb to the information about BF, I don't give a toss if people do BF in front of me or otherwise, but I do find the thought nauseous on me.

Okay, but if someone said they felt as disgusted at the thought of bottle-feeding their baby (not a strawman, I've heard women say just that), would you be offended? Not a rhetorical question, genuinely asking.

MamaFlintstone · 05/07/2019 21:27

Imagine wanting to rest, I just can’t understand it! Sleep is for wimps.

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 05/07/2019 21:34

I know, wanting to rest after 9 months of what was possibly a very difficult pregnancy, choosing to make life a little bit easier during the period in your life when you'll be most vulnerable, most exhausted, most at risk to depression.

I wouldn't know because I had a lovely pregnancy, water birth at home and baby latched right away, probably because I went to hypnobirthing and stayed positive unlike all those other lazy formula feeding mums. Just believe and you can do it!

Biscuit
Cautionsharpblade · 05/07/2019 21:34

@coconuttelegraph I don’t really know what you mean by that. It was just a daft analogy.

Someone’s asked for my feeling on a subject and I’ve given an honest answer. It’s not right or wrong or ‘ridiculous’ as you put it, it’s just how I feel.

HorridHenrysNits · 05/07/2019 21:40

There does come a point when your inability to understand something is a burden you're going to have to bear. I think 580 odd posts may well be that point.

MidsomerBurgers · 05/07/2019 21:54

There are some really nasty and spiteful comments on this thread. Whatever happened to supporting fellow Mums? Whatever happened to free choice.
Spiteful bitches some of the posters on here.

SteelRiver · 05/07/2019 21:58

YABU to ask, I think. It's such an intensely personal thing and noone should be made to feel bad about choosing/not being able to do it.

LovelyJubblee · 05/07/2019 22:02

Because I didn't want to. Oh and because I didn't want to. And maybe because I didn't want to.

Liverbird77 · 05/07/2019 22:15

I did breastfeed for a while but it didn't work out.
I can totally understand why some choose not to though. I was really pissed off with people grabbing my boobs and lecturing me. I was really angry at the hospital when they said they wouldn't discharge me until they had seen me do it. I would not put up with that again.

catoney · 05/07/2019 22:37

MrsDC happy mum happy kids. You sound like you need to chill. Biscuit

Monsterinmypocket · 05/07/2019 22:39

The OP is just asking a question fgs! I'm not seeing any judgement.

I have been lucky with breastfeeding compared to most, but I still find it a hassle and I have been happy to express this to others and not provide a rose tinted view of it. There are some downsides to breastfeeding which hp don't really discuss:
-only you can feed them, so its restrictive in having alone time.
-it can be a nightmare going back to work while bfing. Some employers aren't great at providing areas where you can pump/store milk (and I actually work for the NHS where this happened)
-if you had a csection it can take days for your milk to come in

  • dads can't help with feeding
  • cluster feeding can leave you stuck to the sofa for days
-weaning off breast can be a nightmare

I think hp's portray breastfeeding as easy and I think if we are also exposed to the negative aspects, I think people would be less likely to quit and have a more realistic view of what it entails. There is an all or nothing mentality to bfing too. What's so bad about mixed feeding if EBF is difficult ?

Still bfing with second though as the faff/cost of preparing bottles is far to great for me to consider formula fully, although have considered introducing a bottle at night now.

Thiswayorthatway · 05/07/2019 22:43

Tried with both DC. Awful awful feeling, hated it, just did not feel natural, made me miserable, so I stopped. Felt so much better afterwards when FF.

LovelyJubblee · 05/07/2019 22:45

I would ask the opposite why anyone would want to breastfeed but that's far too controversial for this site.

It's down to personal choice and this is a pointless thread.

Vulpine · 05/07/2019 22:47

I breast fed cos I am lazy. Formula feeding is a pain in the arse

JudefromJersey · 05/07/2019 22:49

I didn’t breastfeed because I find it a bit gross. No other reason. I didn’t even try.

BeenThereDone · 05/07/2019 23:00

I did with both of mine. And loved it. However was met with gasps of horror from the females in my family. I was always the odd one though. Not that it's odd to bf or not to bf but just wasnt the done thing in my family. My grandmother in particular was not a fan and told me to leave the room especially as there were male relatives around(we are Irish) I didn't and the younger ones were fine with it. I didn't have my boob hanging out or anything like that so I didn't see a problem.
It comes down to how comfortable the mother is, if there are no other issues. Unfortunately there is this pressure from outside to at least try and persevere but it is each womans choice and to bf or not should not be judged.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 05/07/2019 23:04

I never cease to be amazed at the amount of women who are (over) invested in how other women feed their babies - or their motivation for doing so. You breastfeed your baby? Fabulous. You formula feed? Marvellous. Combination feed? Knock yourself out. What on earth does it have to do with anyone else? Why should any woman have to provide a reason why she feeds her own child the way she does? And to other mothers. It's utterly bonkers.