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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

999 replies

Lottle · 05/07/2019 11:26

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

OP posts:
LettuceP · 05/07/2019 16:18

OP asked why do some mothers not try breastfeeding at all and we have had
-defensive posts with no answer
-judgy and a few down right nasty posts from the bfing millitant
-bfing mothers "hazarding a guess" at why
-posters who tried to establish bfing but it didn't work out so switched to formula
-posts talking about scientific research of the benefits of breastmilk
Aaaaand a few posts from people who decided to go straight to ff actually answering the question.

And we wonder why these threads turn into a bunfight Hmm

CustardCreamLover · 05/07/2019 16:18

Yes you are being unreasonable to ask.

It's no one business apart from a woman (And her partner, partially).

Daffodil101 · 05/07/2019 16:18

Because I didn’t want to, and knew I would cook their meals from scratch until they were adults, which I have. I thought that was more important TBH.

PortiaCastis · 05/07/2019 16:20

How can anyone feel so fuckin superior to post that mums don't have babies best interests at heart. Get over yourself and stop being so smug and judgemental and realise that people have problems as posted on here and you're not helping anyone by posting that crap

HorridHenrysNits · 05/07/2019 16:21

When lots of people have explained and you still don't understand, that suggests the issue is with your understanding. It'll be up to you to do the work on that, if you do genuinely wish to be enlightened.

BollocksToBrexit · 05/07/2019 16:22

How can anyone feel so fuckin superior to post that mums don't have babies best interests at heart.

To make up for the fact that they are seriously inadequate elsewhere.

MarthasGinYard · 05/07/2019 16:23

I had my dc best interests at heart

That's why at 37 I made the decision not too.

MarthasGinYard · 05/07/2019 16:24

'When lots of people have explained and you still don't understand, that suggests the issue is with your understanding. It'll be up to you to do the work on that, if you do genuinely wish to be enlightened.'

Quite

The lack of self awareness is staggering.

Zbag · 05/07/2019 16:25

Yeah sorry, but nothing any of you post will change my mind. Breast milk is best for baby and it sucks that some people won't even try to give their child the best nutrition available.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 05/07/2019 16:26

Good pun there @Zbag

MarthasGinYard · 05/07/2019 16:27

'Yeah sorry, but nothing any of you post will change my mind.'

Why on earth would you believe any poster would wish to change your Mind?

Baffling

SugarHockeyIcedTea · 05/07/2019 16:28

I couldn't produce enough milk and my son became severely jaundiced, I was made to feel like the worst mother ever by health visitors and doctors. For my second, I didn't try and my levels of stress were next to nothing compared to my first.

Every birth and baby are totally different, maybe people should keep their beaks out and as long as the baby is happy and healthy does it even matter?

Ginger1982 · 05/07/2019 16:29

@Zbag ODFOD

I hate these threads. Ends up full of judgmental comments when it is nobody's damn business what any individual mother decides to do.

@Lottle yes YABU

yourestandingonmyneck · 05/07/2019 16:29

@gamerwidow

It's the people who don't even try and just say "I don't want to" that the op is querying. And a lot of the replies didn't expand on that.
No one owes you or anyone else an explanation though.

I know they don't. It's an anonymous Internet forum and the OP has (politely) asked a question as she is curious and would like a discussion.

She has asked the reasons behind the people who didn't want to try.

Why bother replying to say things like "Because I don't want to. HTH" Confused

No, it doesn't.

It's a discussion - get involved if you are happy to share your experiences / thoughts; or don't. Nobody if forcing anybody. I don't see the need for defensive, passive aggressive comments .

swingofthings · 05/07/2019 16:29

and we have had
We had people giving their reasonable reasons (whether others agree to them or not) but clearly these are of no interest if not open to be criticised.

crispysausagerolls · 05/07/2019 16:31

i was told 'if it hurts then you're doing something wrong

Until the day I die I will want to slap the stupid bitch midwife who said this to me. She told me I was latching incorrectly and would do myself damage. I ignored her, persevered, my baby continued feeding in the same way and never lost any birth weight. Still going strong a year later.

I am furious that if I hadn’t had the confidence and support of my mother I would have stopped. She added massively to anxiety about doing it correctly and didn’t even have a baby herself so spouting shit from the textbook and I hope I see her again one day to read her the riot act.

BollocksToBrexit · 05/07/2019 16:31

Yeah sorry, but nothing any of you post will change my mind. Breast milk is best for baby and it sucks that some people won't even try to give their child the best nutrition available.

So you didn't join the thread to gain any understanding, you just wanted to have a pop at other mothers who made different choices to you. I feel sorry for your kids. It must be hard having a parent so lacking in empathy.

LaurieMarlow · 05/07/2019 16:31

‘Not having baby’s best interests at heart’ is not just offensive but staggeringly stupid.

None of can have babies best interests entirely at heart.

It would be better for my baby if I spoke more than one language and brought them up bi/tri lingual. But I didn’t bother my ass to learn one.

It would be better for my baby if I ate copious veg and quality protein during my pregnancy. But I was sick as a dog and mainlined crap carbs instead.

The clearest indicator for baby’s outcomes are maternal education and family income. So by not going to med school and qualifying as a consultant, perhaps I don’t ‘have my babies best interests at heart’?

That’s all clearly bollocks.

Bfing is a lovely thing to do and makes a small difference to health outcomes, but quit the dumbass over egging, which is only explained by a desire to build yourself up at the expense of others. It’s not kind.

People are doing the best they can in their own particular circumstances.

Zbag · 05/07/2019 16:31

*Why on earth would you believe any poster would wish to change your Mind

Baffling*

You think that's baffling? Oh dear

Zbag · 05/07/2019 16:34

So you didn't join the thread to gain any understanding, you just wanted to have a pop at other mothers who made different choices to you. I feel sorry for your kids. It must be hard having a parent so lacking in empathy.

No, i joined the thread to answer the OP. I answered and gave my opinion. Why is that hard to grasp?

HJWT · 05/07/2019 16:34

Oh piss of

origamiunicorn · 05/07/2019 16:35

Because it's their body and none else business.
HTH

WalkofShame · 05/07/2019 16:35

Zbag
Yeah sorry, but nothing any of you post will change my mind. Breast milk is best for baby and it sucks that some people won't even try to give their child the best nutrition available.

I don’t think that ‘sorry’ is genuine is it. You’re quite enjoying feeling superior to those hideous excuses for human beings who withhold the elixir of life from babies.

Buddytheelf85 · 05/07/2019 16:36

To make up for the fact that they are seriously inadequate elsewhere.

Correct. If a bodily function is what you need to make you feel superior to others, you’ve done pretty poorly in life!

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 05/07/2019 16:36

I'd like my nipples left alone.