To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

i was told 'if it hurts then you're doing something wrong'

Me too. I’m still bitter about this. It made the early days of bfing much worse. If I’d known that some pain in the early days was normal, that would have made a significant difference.

I don’t think anyone ever judged me until I joined mn, I’d they did they never did it to my face

@user1471523870 quite a few people, myself included, have given their reasons for going straight to ff on this thread.
And a lot of the defensiveness is because of some very judgy posts not because of the question.

I didnt have the slighest idea what i was doing ...so i just bottle fed. Also had twins so everyone just handed me the bottle.

No I don't tag Lockheart.

Perhaps look up seeding? I find it hard to understand how anyone can defend these companies and support processed feeds of any kind. They are life saving when there are problems, but like pp have said, I wouldn't favour processed solid foods over real foods either. DMs who, for whatever reason, cannot manage to feed their baby themselves, artificial milk substitute is a godsend, and they should be supported to be ok with that, without judgement.

I have pasted below some words from a researching paediatrician that give insights into seeding, if useful.

Breast milk is this amazing liquid that, through millions of years of evolution, has evolved to make babies healthy, particularly their immune systems,” said Dr. Grace Aldrovandi, the study’s senior author and a professor of pediatrics and chief of infectious diseases at UCLA Mattel Children’s Hospital. “Our research identifies a new mechanism that contributes to building stronger, healthier babies.”

We’re appreciating more and more how these bacterial communities, particularly in the intestine, help guard against the bad guys,” Aldrovandi said. “We know from animal model systems that if you get good bacteria in your gut early in life, you’re more likely to be healthy.”

Link to full article
importance of breastfeeding beneficial effects UCLA

There are loads of articles like this on seeding benefits... 30% microbiome from breast milk, 10% from areola/skin

My mum didn't. She said it wasn't really the norm in those days.

Because I was in high dependency after nearly dying through pre eclampsia & HELLP syndrome, I was drugged up to the eyeballs with drips in both hands. It isn't anyone else's business if a woman chooses to FF, just the same as if you choose to BF, its personal choice.

Because 1. I find it repulsive. Yes, shoot me now. I don't like that sucky feeling on my nipples. I know most women love it, but it makes me squirm.

And 2. The more I learnt about it, the more I grew convinced I did not want to do it. (This was about 10 years before I had my first baby. Before I had the rather romantic thought that you showed baby that nipple, they sucked on it and that was it. How naive was I.)
E.g. cluster feeding - uhm, no, I don't want a baby attached to me for literally hours. Having to deal with a cluster feeding ff baby is difficult enough (DS was one).
Feeding often - I want to be free to do something else like eat.
Biting.
Discomfort and bleeding nipples.
Being the only one to feed.
Leaking - Just no.
Having to flash my boobs at strangers (that includes people I know fairely well and my parents; I'm a very private person) and in the cold because baby wants a feed. Having baby sticking to you even more when it's hot.
Potentially ending up with a baby who refuses a bottle or who doesn't want to stop.

As a life experience, I'll do it once, if if I have my regular midwife and can take the tablets to prevent my milk coming in (they still do them here). But feeding long term, no way.

Also, latch is key. Awful that any woman is blamed for baby not latching properly. Shocking.

I think there's a lack of understanding about how soul destroying comments can be when all you want is to do the best by your baby.

Trouble is, what's 'best' has been very successfully obscured by marketeers, and they should pay dearly for that (pay for teams of bf advisors to support women to bf and challenge old beliefs that they set up and were wrong!)

Honestly the idea of something drinking out of my breast makes me feel physically sick so it's a no from me.

The thought of it makes/made me feel sick to be honest.

So, I ff from birth.

It was great and my son is now 5 and perfectly healthy - very tall, perfect weight for his height and no health problems. I literally can't remember the last time he had a cold.

It's really sod all to do with anyone else how anyone feed a their baby.

Feeding their babies is making women feel physically sick.

BREAST feeding their babies is making SOME women feel physically sick.

Yep

@Quail15

Honest post and (MRSA aside) nearer the norm than you may think.

Many many women I know have kicked themselves in the head over and over because of that lousy film.

But the ultimate evidence of how good or otherwise formula is, is the outcomes for formula fed babies vs their bf peers (once you adjust for factors such as bf babies more likely to be from middle class parents etc). And this is where the research indicates that outcomes are virtually as good for ff babies as bf ones, into childhood too.

Formula can’t replicate what’s in breastmilk but it appears that it doesn’t matter, because the differences aren’t being reflected in significant differences in outcomes.

The point about environmental impact someone made further up the thread made me think though, I hadn’t considered that before. Wouldn’t have changed things for me, but if we want to really give women a true informed choice then for many environmental considerations are important.

In terms of the breast is best argument, I was born lactose intolerant was ill the first year of my life from the breast milk so it doesn't always work out that way.

Why does any one care how someone else fed their baby? Does it matter to anyone else?

There is something in the maxim that 'if it hurts, there's something wrong ', though. Most problems in the beginning are down to bad latch/technique (e.g. baby feeding often because they don't get any milk, bleeding nipples, mastitis). That's of course excluding the small minority with a real problem.

HOWEVER, the solution to these problems is not telling mums to persevere, but to help them with the right support (which is massively lacking in the UK). I also think it's important to have HCPs who have actually done it rather than done some training. In former days, you had your mum, all your aunties, poss. your gran , your MIL, your neighbours, friends, the village midwife etc. who had all had at least two babies or more to help you and put their two cents in about what could be the problem/solution. Now, you'll have no such network of practical knowledge to consult. I think especially for something 'skill-related' like BF (baby and mum need to learn about each other), such practical knowledge is valuable. And that's where the support is lacking.

I did it for 8 weeks when my DS was born last year. 8 long and horrible weeks that impacted my mental health and ended up with me feeling suicidal and under the IAPT team for counselling for PND. If I look back now and I'm honest then I can say I didn't really want to, I felt pressured to do it because it was what everyone expected because 'breast is best' and all that. I'm not stupid so I know there's a difference between formula feeding and breast feeding and that breast is probably best but I just couldn't do it anymore. We're now planning baby number 2 and I will not be bullied or judged by anyone this time. My boobs will be firmly out of bounds.

@kikibo the midwife who came to see me on day 1 told me the technique/latch was perfect - as did the midwife who saw me on day 5. Didn't stop the cracked/bleeding nips between those two appointments though!

Finding this thread really interesting - thanks to those who've given honest answers about why they didn't want to.

There seem to be quite a few on the thread who think FF is just as good, or who think breasts are too sexual to feed children. They seem like bad reasons. However there are also some really good reasons coming out - fathers who want to feed as well, wanting to have more time for other children, previous bad experiences.

Like anything in life it's weighing up what's best for you. Remaining stress free is pretty important so if BF is likely to add significantly to stress levels in the household, it may be a good enough reason for some.

You seriously feel that 80% of British mothers don't have their babies' best interests at heart? That is a fucking awful statement to make.

I feel as though people who don't breastfed don't have their babys best interests at heart. Its a selfish decision. 'Fed is best' is utter nonsense.
Medical issues aside.

What medical issues do you count as worthy though? People have talked about not wanting to with medication even though the medication is deemed safe enough? Is that selfish?

For me, it was triggering and repulsive and I hated every single second of it. I didn't bond with dc1 or dc2 whilst I struggled with breastfeeding them. The second they came off the breast, I wanted them gone as far way from me as possible. I felt I was on constant count down to the next feed, the next rush of negative feelings. I know I'm not alone in how it made me feel, a lot of us just don't always feel up to talking about it. If we were discussing this at a baby group, I'd have told you that I stopped because I didn't like it, or that formula was more convenient. If we had met whilst I was pregnant with dc2, I'd have told you I wasn't going to try had you asked and by the sound of it, you would have judged me accordingly.