To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

In fairness Havelock, a lot of women come to MN for bf support. I was the same as you.

No one is starting a thread in infant feeding to talk about how they have had a piss easy time of establishing breastfeeding and isn’t that marvellous?

It’ll always be skewed here, same with difficult births and hard pregnancies. Those people need an outlet where those who have had an easier one don’t.

YANBU to wonder, but probably BU to ask, as it gets a lot of women’s backs up. Understandably. I’ve often wondered the same, when it’s the absolute best thing you could give your baby, why wouldn’t you at least try? But I wouldn’t ask anyone that out loud, because it’s no-one else’s business.

Also have no issue with the OP asking the question.

I wanted to both times neither time was successful formula meant that my child didn't die but I'd have still preferred bf to have worked out. People shouldn't suggest ff is the same as breast milk because it just isn't

I’m sure it’s the absolute best thing you can put in your baby’s mouth but as for the absolute best thing you can give them - I’d like to think that love, care, attention and a safe place to sleep might be a tiny bit more important in the grand scheme.

BF DD for 6 weeks and it was utterly miserable. Constantly attached to me, waking every half hour though the night and each feed would be an hour or more. Switched to formula and we were both so much happier.

She slept through the night after 2 weeks of formula, and we got into a really good routine. Still sleeps great now aged 2. She’s the happiest baby, and now toddler that I’ve ever met!

If I have another baby I am unsure if I would even try bf. I only started to enjoy being a mum once I stopped bf.

How is your opinion as valid as actual high quality research ethel?

I meant that my opinion is as valid as someone else having the opinion that formula is just as good. I of course do not think my opinion is more valid than actual research. Sorry that wasn’t clear.

I completely disagree that breast milk and formula are “basically the same”. You physically can not replicate breast milk in a lab. It is the best way to feed your baby. But it is a choice, no-one is forcing anyone to feed a certain way.

I never wanted to bf. Ff from day one. It worked perfectly for us - DH and I did night feeds between us and DC’s were healthy. Happy family.

I think most mums try, not sure about statistics but it's really high.

Out of all the mums who don't:
Some will be on meds not compatible with breastfeeding
Some won't have breasts
Some have babies who won't be able to due to disabilities or prematurity
Some know people who struggled so they don't want to put themselves through it.
Some don't want to
Some mums are not the birth mums of their babies.

I'm still breastfeeding my second at two. I chose to because I wanted to and I could. Some women don't want to or they or their baby can't. There are pros and cons to both, definitely. But pretty much every mother in the uk has decent diet and access to clean safe water so really are free to choose which they want to do.

Goodness, you must be a special sort of stupid if you can't think of a single reason why a woman doesn't want to breastfeed, without an army of mn users helping you out.

Goady fucker.

I don't understand why some women don't give it a go. Our bodies produce milk for a reason therefore breastfeeding is the natural thing to do. So to me it seems bizarre that so many women don't wanna try or find it weird.

It's always interesting to see how quickly people go on the defensive when they're in the 'I simply don't/didn't want to' camp.

But, hey ho 🤷‍♀️ it is was it is.

One of my friends said she thinks “breast feeding is unnatural”.

Of course people are defensive if they don't want to!

They basically have to justify a reason why they didn't bf which is frankly nobody else's goddamn business!!

DS1 BF for 5 months, gave up after 8th episode of mastitis
DS2 was sure it would be different , read loads, tried lots of different techniques, gave up after 4 months after 5 th episode of mastitis
DS3 BF for 3 months after 5th episode of mastitis and had to put him on hydrolysed protein formula as he turned out to be allergic to 14 different foods
DD didn’t even try to BF. I had 4 kids eight and under, one with a very complicated diet and a husband that worked away from home every week M-F. She is possibly the healthiest of the bunch.

I didn't want to. I honestly, truly don't care what other women choose to do!

'So to me it seems bizarre that so many women don't wanna try or find it weird.'

We are all wired up differently

I don't find that 'weird' I accept that we are all different.

I come from the perfect demographic of a BF candidate too. Had over a year off and returned PT. Supportive DP. Live in MC very BF pro area.

I didn't wish to BF

Goady fucker

Calling someone a fucker and yet they're the goady one?

Yeah, ok.

The reason I did BF my DS was because it was free. Not the only reason but we were skint so I had to do it.

I look back fondly through my rose tinted glasses and pretend that I didn't sit up at 4am crying whole DS was on my breast, or wake up in agony because my boobs were so full it felt like they would explode, or die from embarrassment when I would 'spring a leak' our in public.

My DS was in SCBU due to being prem so there was a lot of pressure on me to milk myself to help him get better (their words, not mine). I spent ages attached to the pumps. I ended up with an over production and could easily get 8oz off one boob while he had the other. Now, because I also had some PND, I was paranoid that I would die (car crash, hit by a car, heart attack etc) so I insisted on continuing to milk myself so all my excess could go in the freezer for when I inevitably died so DS would still get BM.

Next time, I'm not sure I'll bf.

Not sure what all the concern is about being tied down with the burden of being the sole feeder. Has the concept of mixed feeding not occurred to anyone?

I wonder if society would be so forgiving of a parent said 'yah, nah... I can't be bothered cooking a healthy meal. I'm going to feed my children processed food only.' Because that is effect what formula is. It's a highly processed food. I couldn't imagine starting my dc off on processed crap made in a factory.

I am so tired of this question.

I stopped because I hated it. I have huge breasts that DS couldn't latch onto properly - he would take a mouthful and then gag and pull away. I also had to hold my H cup breast up in one hand like a bag of fat while trying to hold him with the other, as normally my nipple was in such an awkward position that he couldn't comfortably drink from it. Within 3 days I had blood blisters on both nipples. The midwife told me to give it a break to let them heal, but I was so discouraged by the vehemently anti FF brigade that I ignored her and pumped instead. My expressed milk was blood tinged and I cried the entire time from the pain as the milk was pulled through an open wound.

After 2 weeks I gave up. I'm pregnant again now and have no intention of trying again beyond the first couple of days for the colostrum.

Its a choice. I made that choice twice as I knew I had to go back to work when both my DC were 3 months old, I had a childminder and on top of having to go back to work early I have a stressful job.

I made a decision and god knows I've had to justify that so many times over the years!

14 years down the line I would have done the same based on my situation. I wish it were different and I could have taken longer and been in the right headspace but it wasn't meant to be.

I met a woman at an antenatal group who didn't bf because her mum didn't want her to! Along the lines of bottles were good enough for her and her siblings and did she think she was better for thinking about breastfeeding..

In relation to mixed feeding - my experience of the NHS in the last 2 years has been that everyone was at pains to make sure I knew it was all or nothing, there was no way back if I gave them a dummy or a bottle. Even the supplementing in hospital when I was still trying to bf was with a syringe or a cup because if they ever had a synthetic teat in their mouth there would obviously be no going back. You see the same messages on here and other sites too, really overstating the impact of nipple confusion and that giving even the slightest bit of formula will be the death knell for your supply.

When you make out that it’s all or nothing, and all feels impossible or overwhelming then of course a lot of women choose nothing.

I look back now and can’t believe I was daft enough to fall for all that but I was vulnerable and I did.

Thinking over some of the comments on here I realise that yeah maybe I am selfish for not even trying to breastfeed. But I've never professed to be a selfless person, I don't want to be selfless, it sounds miserable. I think that maybe if we told women that you don't have to be completely selfless to be a good mother then forums like this would have a lot less posts from unhappy women on them.