To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

I didn't want to.

Fed my first for six months, hated every minute, convinced it added to my PND and so refused to consider it for subsequent children. All grown now but the fittest, healthiest, most intelligent one among them isn't my first.

Had no desire to whatsoever.

Would have done if a medical requirement due to prem etc.

The same way I had no desire to give birth in the natural way.

As much medical intervention as possible.

I'm odd

Just gut bacteria alone from bf bring huge health benefits for immunity and gastric issues, as well as being so readily absorbed for poorly babies.

Going back the stats posted upthread though, they aren’t “huge” benefits though are they? There is a benefit, but in the grand scheme of things it’s not going to be the difference between a child being in good or poor health.

Certainly not huge enough to justify some of the self congratulating responses from breastfeeders on this thread.

I’m a mixfeeder, and enjoy breastfeeding but really some of the responses and how invested some women are in other mother’s choices are ridiculous.

I couldn't get DD to latch on. she had a tongue tie. We were in hospital for three days after the birth due to other things and the midwife gave her formula because she wasn't getting anything from me. I tried pumping and failed at that also. When I was at home my local midwife visited twice and we both failed to get her to latch. I have never felt so stressed and anxious and ended up on Prozac for PND. I still feel shit about the whole thing six years on. I couldn't conceive another so I don't know if it would have been any different the next time. I am so jealous of mums who bf their babies.

I wanted to and tried with DS, but he had severe tongue tie and could latch. The support in hospital was appalling, the midwifes were run ragged and they had two breast feeding support officers that just sat in their office! I could barely get out of bed for days, they absolutely should have been out and about on the ward.

Personally, if I chose to have another, I wouldn't choose to BF. I really liked the benefit of co-sharing feeding from the beginning, massive mental health benefits and more sleep, aids father bonding too. Also, I just can't bare the militant BF brigade who think they are so superior that they breastfeed, flaunting their decision by BF indiscreetly everywhere and generally looking down on others.

Maybe breast milk is 'best' but my son healthy with no detrimental effects of being formula feed. I think benefits of BF are over exaggerated, let alone anyone daring to talk about the benefits of formula feeding approach.

I was in a coma for two weeks, after my DS was born, no milk produced and he was being fed by tube in icu anyway. It definitely caused bonding issues that's for sure.

I breastfed my first for three weeks, and found it a massive faff. I found formula feeding so much easier, and my baby was fine on it, so I fed my 2nd and 3rd formula straight from birth.
Hope that helps, OP.

I tried with my first but no milk came in, even with additional pumping. Literally not one drop. A midwife actually looked at me and said the milk was coming in based on the size of my breasts.... unaware that I have GG cup boobs even when I'm not pregnant/post birth/fat! My baby (obviously, given the lack of nutrition) dropped too much weight in the first few days so I gave her formula and never looked back. I didn't beat myself up about it as I had been firmly in the camp of 'give it a shot, but we'll see what happens'. I liked the idea of breastfeeding but liked the idea of a fed baby more. And I LOVED sharing feeding responsibilities and being able to see exactly how much my baby had taken, no stress wondering about how long she'd been feeding v how much she might have actually had. Didn't enjoy the cost of formula...

With my second I put him on the breast just to see and as a natural (to me) thing to do, he worked really hard but still nothing. I had formula ready that time.

No support from anyone, even though I was in hospital for a few days with my second due to complications.

Interestingly, my mother never produced milk for any of her four babies. One of my sisters breastfed for a while with her babies but the other didn't try. She just didn't want to, no further explanation given. She just didn't like the thought of it. Totally up to her.

I did once have a nurse/midwife on a prenatal ward tell me there is NO reason a woman physically can't breastfeed, ever. I didn't bother telling her my own situation or question women who have had mastectomies... I wish I had. I also wanted to tell her that the stars suggest a very small number of women don't produce milk but the stats are likely wrong. My notes don't say anywhere that I didn't produce milk, because my first baby latched and I was released from hospital under the impression I WAS breastfeeding. Nobody changed those notes, they just wrote that I had stopped.

I don't think OP's initial post was goady or judgemental, she was just wondering about something she doesn't understand as she has no experience of. Fair enough!

Absolutely at some of the judgy comments about formula feeding on here.

My reasons were
-because I was fed up of pregnancy and wanted my body back as mine
-because I was scared of the pain
-because I like sleep and I didn't want to do all the night feeds
-because my boobs were bloody HUGE and I wanted them to go back to their (still big) usual size
-because a clingy baby that only wants me and needs me to be there 24/7 is my idea of hell
-because the thought of it kind of creeped me out a bit, I think that's because I see my boobs as sexual and even at the time I knew I was being ridiculous but it's just how I felt
-because I had heard so many stories of women trying and it not working out and how negative an impact that had on their mental health
-because the responsibility of growing a baby already felt so scary that I was relieved to no longer be the sole person responsible for keeping that baby alive

I had quite a lot of judgement for choosing to not even try to breastfeed but I was happy with my choice, I felt that it was what was best for me and my babies. Bringing a child into this world incurs so many sacrifices in every aspect of your life, I felt that formula feeding was one less sacrifice that had minimal negative consequences for my babies but huge benefits for me.

At the end of the day I love my children more than anything in this world, I love them with every breath in my body and I would walk the world over to keep them safe and happy. Bottle feeding my babies could never take away the fact that I'm a bloody good mum!

Also I want to add, I had already decided I was going to try breastfeeding before the birth but when DD was born after 10 mins of skin to skin with her the midwife said, “let’s put her on your breast” and the next minute she had picked up DD and was placing on me in a position to breastfeed. Luckily she latched on straight away but then I told her I’d brought formula anyway as a back up. She looked sternly at me and said, “what’s that for then?”

@LettuceP this is all exactly how I feel!

I've done a bit of breastfeeding (tried and failed with both sons - flat nipples and tongue tie and it just never worked) and I'll freely admit I hated it. I just didn't like the sensation at all. I was relieved to switch to formula and even found expressing more pleasant than breastfeeding.

I'm pregnant with DC3 and I will try again, and fail again I expect. Because I do believe it can be (not in all circumstances) best for babies. But I wouldn't judge anyone who doesn't want to, not my boobs, not my baby and not my business.

would have struggled not knowing how many ounces the baby was taking

This is a clear example of how Formula feeding has shaped our expectations in unhelpful ways.

Knowing this isn’t necessary. Wet and dirty nappies and baby weight gain are plenty good enough indicators.

I think that they think that it's too much work - which it absolutely isn't - it's so easy and convenient and most importantly - the BEST thing for baby

I think posts like this aren't helpful at all. The whole "it's super easy and convenient" brigade seem unwilling to acknowledge that for some women it's not easy, not convenient and not the best thing for baby. If a Mother is struggling in any way, the pressure comments such as this can apply isn't going to ease her load any more. I have friends who found breastfeeding too painful/uncomfortable/awful to continue with. I have one friend who didn't even try because the idea grossed her out. I've read on Mumsnet one woman's harrowing post about surviving childhood abuse and feeling repulsed at the idea of breastfeeding her child as a result of that. All of those are perfectly valid reasons, and not ones we ought to judge or challenge.

I breastfed both. Both had their challenges at times; mastitis hurt more than labour and made me feel like I had flu; I had the luxury of lying in bed recovering for three days solid whilst DH ran around after the DC and only brought the baby to me when he needed to be fed. What are the odds of every mother with Mastitis having that luxury? I also had the luxury of a close friend who is a doula who spent a significant period of time showing me how to latch DS1 on properly and who spent enormous amounts of time with us over our first few weeks home ensuring I wasn't too tired, stressed or just downright mardy. Again, what are the odds of every woman having that post-natal support?

So long as a baby is fed and loved, I will never judge another woman's choice. The whole "best" concept where raising children is concerned bothers me enormously because it pits one woman against another. There is no best. There is only what's right for you.

My DW didn't try and that was her choice. The reason was because she didn't want to. Her body her choice. It meant that I could also feed our DC which was great. Although the 3 am feeds not so great!

I didn’t attempt it with my first. I had a really tough birth, PTSD and didn’t want anyone touching me. The thought of having a tiny human hanging off my breasts made me feel sick.

Combined with the fact no one actually asked me and gave her formula anyway meant that it didn’t really cross my mind!

My milk never came in properly.

After 6 weeks of trying, my daughter was starving and I wasn't able to provide for her.

I was feeding and pumping, almost constantly. Had numerous visits from numerous professionals.

When I gave up one of them told me they were glad - that I never stood a chance. Within 16 hours there wasn't even a drop I could hand express - even after missing multiple feeds and when she was crying, or when I lent over the bath.

I'd have given anything to be able too.

Some people chose not too - some people try but can't, for a whole host of reasons.

So I guess as baby and mum are healthy it shouldn't really matter.

I really wanted to but after an infection during labour and losing 2.1litres of blood during delivery my baby was constantly crying and not latching on. She didn’t settle until on day 7 or 8 where I said enough is enough, i was too exhausted and trying to heal from extreme anaemia, I could barely hold her I was so poorly.

Breast feeding services are appalling, my transitional care nurses made me feel like utter shit for wanting to bottle feed, one even gave me an ultimatum the morning after I used a bottle of formula in the night (I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed and had a nurse with me for almost 3 hours trying to get my daughter to stop screaming, she didn’t until we gave her formula).

Not a great start for me really, I always felt judged as well. Many breast feeding mothers think they’re superior for it so I’m not surprised people are getting arsey on the thread.

Even knowing it’s best for you baby, there are some things you just can’t get past.

I didn’t with my second because of my mental health, I felt awfully guilty on my first (2year gap) and wanted to still be able to spend time with her without worrying about being strapped to the sofa feeding, I fed him via breast however until I left hospital.

Don’t judge anyone’s circumstances, as long as a baby isn’t starving we’re all just doing what’s best for our situations.

Of course formula is akin to junk food! It’s a highly processed man-made foodstuff. The exact thing that junk food is. I know it’s shit to hear that when all parents want the best for their children, but you can’t shy away from the fact it is somehow just as healthy as breastmilk.

I didn't want to. I'd seen friends who were constantly stuck to their baby 24/7 and it made them miserable.

I bottle fed my baby's from birth, was able to leave them with dad to have a nap, spend time with my husband while family cared for them.

We still have a fabulous bond and becuase we've been able to leave them family, they also have wonderful relationships with relatives.

My eldest is 5 and loves sleepovers at nana's house. It's something they've done regularly since she was about 2 and half.

I tried it for weeks with both of mine. The first DD wouldn’t latch on at all and the second DD chewed me until I was bleeding. Both experiences were toe-curlingly painful and made me sweat buckets! My experience of breast feeding was that it was bloody painful, felt awful, was time consuming, and in the end pointless.

No. It’s processed, but it is highly nutritious.

Trying to make out it’s like feeding them wotsits doesn’t help anyone.

*Because they might not want to. Or might not be able to.

None of it is any of your business.*

I’m pretty sure OP knows it’s none of her business. That’s why she said she was “wondering” about the reasons and didn’t want to probe her friend.
But thanks for making sure she got the message that it’s none of her business. An articulate and Intelligent reply 10 pages into her post 😀

Highly processed and man made, yes, junk - no. It provides all the required vitamins and minerals and in my case meant I didn’t have to supplement with vitamin D drops as breastfeeding friends had to. No it’s not “as good” as breastmilk, but stop making out like it’s the difference between an apple and a McDonalds because that’s not true either.

I also gave my baby man-made vaccines and man-made, “unnatural”, chemical-filled Calpol.