To ask why some women don't attempt breastfeeding?

[Lottle]

Just being nosy. Perhaps too nosy....

Just wondered why some mums don't give breastfeeding a try. I totally get why people may not do it for long, just curious as to why some don't try at all.

One friend happened to mention (I didn't ask) "it wasn't for me" but I wasn't sure what that meant but of course I didn't probe, so probing you lot instead. Don't know if it's too cheeky to ask though!

II think that they think that it's too much work - which it absolutely isn't - it's so easy and convenient and most importantly - the BEST thing for baby*
This is so untrue, and unhelpful.
The biggest group at risk of PND, is those who want to breastfeed and can’t.
Those who want to bottlefeed, and do, and those who want to breastfeed and do, are at much lower risk.

You know full well for some women that it is a lot of work - hence why babies end up in hospital starving and dehydrated because the mums can’t breastfeed - and they think they’re failing because people like you tell them it’s easy.

Nothing like a nice goady thread to start the weekend off

@MegaPants what a shame you couldn't answer the question without insulting breastfeeding mothers and their families.

My kids are never going to get annoyed at me for not ebf/sorely formula feeding

Agreed. It has affected them though. There are stats. Just gut bacteria alone from bf bring huge health benefits for immunity and gastric issues, as well as being so readily absorbed for poorly babies.

I think when the mental/physical health benefits to DM and baby are so good it's hard to understand why it's never attempted by some.

Something makes a prospective DM say no and not want to try. What underlying beliefs, or lack of info/support exist to even even want to try give baby and yourself the best.

This is not about baby/DM that cannot. It's about choosing not to and wondering what the root of that is.

*My boss and quite a few colleagues have said the thought repulsed them.

Mind boggles.*

This would be me! Not sure why this boggles your mind - I'm sure lots of things people do others find repulsive the thought of it actually gives me the shudders even now when there's no chance I'll ever have the decision to make again. I find eating steak dripping with blood repulsive but no one questions my choice to have mine well done - they just accept that's my preference & move on.

No issues with breastfeeding in general it just wasn't for me & I can't imagine forcing myself to do something I really didn't want to would have been conducive to healthy babies.

But then I also hated the feeling of baby moving inside me still managed to have 3 of them though.

I loved breastfeeding but am firmly in the position that people need to be able to make informed decisions about how they feed their babies depending on what suits them and their families best.

Probably the most sensible post on the whole thread.

A colleague formula fed as she refused to hold her baby in hospital until day 3. The midwives were very worried about this. But by the third day she was persuaded to hold her baby and everything was fine. But by that time baby had already been formula fed by staff.

It’s amazing how some of the replies from FFeeders are really arsey whilst others have managed to write their reasons plain and simple without the hint of ‘I don’t need to justify myself to you’ attitude. I wonder why that is 🤔

First baby I did want to but couldn’t because of a haemorrhage I had when he was born. I didn’t produce anything at all so he was straight onto formula.

Second baby I just didn’t want to. I liked bottle feeding. I didn’t want to be trying to establish breastfeeding for the first time while looking after an 18 month old. I liked being able to share the night feeds with my husband. I don’t regret this decision at all. It has worked perfectly for us.

I feel a bit defensive when people ask me why I didn’t try. I’ve had a few mums at baby groups give me an absolute grilling over it and my reasons for not wanting to. I suppose it may just be curiosity but to me it feels a bit judgemental. As if i should be bf and I need to explain why I’m not.

I tried very hard to feed DS1 but I got mastitis, he didn't seem to know how to feed effectively. I had support from NCT and a private breastfeeding expert but still couldn't get it to work. DS1 lost a lot of weight and I had more pain from trying to feed him than I had giving birth so I gave up. I didn't try at all with DS2, I had no intention of going through that again. They both grew up to be very fit and highly intelligent, so no problems there.

Well there's not much you can do about those who want to bf and can't, except give plenty of support and best options for perhaps mix feeding if possible.

Illness can impede bf establishment on the part of the DM or the baby.

I think services are too stretched to properly support women at all, let alone bf!

Not a judgey question at all OP. Very interesting actually, although as usual as descended into a tedious BF vs FF debate.

I FF both of my DDs and couldn't really give a toss what anyone thinks. Lots of perfectly valid reasons given above but I'll reiterate a few that helped to form my reasoning:

• I wanted to know exactly how much milk my baby was taking at each feed;
• I didn't want a baby attached to me 24/7;
• The idea of anybody (including my children) sucking on my nipples utterly repulsed me;
• I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable feeding in public or in front or family so would be stuck in the house constantly;
• I didn't want the baby to wake approximately 300 times a night screaming for milk;
• I wanted my DH to be able to feed the baby too and to share night feeds;
• I didn't want to end up with a toddler who refused to take a bottle as the thought of breastfeeding a walking, talking human repulsed me even more than a baby doing it.

My decision wasn't based on formula companies warping my fragile lady-brain with their evil advertising. Many of my reasons were based on horror stories from BF family members regarding 3 year olds still asking for "boob" (shudder), babies being admitted to hospital for not taking enough milk, and Mums utterly exhausted from waking up about 30 times a night. Nobody I know seems to have had positive BF experience. During both pregnancies I had several friends and family members bluntly tell me not to do it as I would regret it.

PS: Being faux "confused" about someones decision is exactly the same as judging them ladies.

I had no good role models
I worked shift

I did bf no4 outbid curiosity.

A lot of people I know are genuinely really odd about breastfeeding (have heard people say it's hippy, never get a proper nights sleep, never go out alone etc.) If I were younger or anxious about what people thought these things could easily put me off.

@billben I am not surprised some of the replies are arsey. Some of the comments from those pushing breastfeeding are so awful they have shocked me.

Tried with my first for a few months. He ended up a failure to thrive. 90-something centile for length and just above second for weight. That was with loads of ‘support’ from HVs, private lactation consultants etc. The support I really needed was for someone to go, ‘hey, maybe you have tried your best and should switch to formula’ (I was of course giving top ups of formula by this point but he needed more).

With my second I gave him colostrum but that was it. I think number 2 would have been a pretty good feeder actually but i just couldn’t face the constant daily battle. Mentally scarred from first time round I guess, and wasn’t willing to put myself/husband/first son through it again. I hate having my boobs touched anyway. Yes I love baby snuggles but constantly having someone sucking on my nipple causes me huge anxiety and I get so touched out. I am no less bonded to my children than mothers who breastfed their children.

Because they might not want to. Or might not be able to.

None of it is any of your business.

I didn't didn't try as hard as I should have with my first baby as I was young and insecure and terrified of my breasts becoming saggier as they were already very large, so I knew that I didn't want to and I didn't give it my all. Now that I'm that bit older, I have breastfed my second and have terrible guilt that I let such a silly thought affect me fist time round.
So my reason was pure vanity.
I hope it's not common, but I'm afraid that it may be. Breasts are so overly sexualised and I don't think we are teaching younger women about breastfeeding, often we only learn about it when our thoughts of our own bodies have already been formed.
I very rarely encounter women around me who are breastfeeding, usually bottle fed. Though I do live in quite a deprived area of the UK, I've always wondered if breastfeeding rates were higher elsewhere. I genuinely have no idea.

'Huge' benefits is a rather large claim given the evidence we have, particularly in relation to gut bacteria. We know that of ff babies and bf babies differ, we've much less idea about the implications.

I wanted my partner to help with feeds.I have OCD & would have struggled not knowing how many ounces the baby was taking.I would of felt uncomfortable breast feeding in front of anyone.Freinds family out in public.I tried it once in the privacy of my home & after my baby sucked my whole nipple went really long & purple and it made me feel sick.I just didnt feel comfortable doing it.I love the routine of making bottles.Knowing how much they are drinking.Watching my partner feed & getting a break if I'm tired in the nights.And having my body back after 9 months of huge boobs.Belly pains.Stretch Mark's.Morning sickness.Changing my diet.Going through the birth.Its nice to feel back to yourself & allow others to pitch in & bond with the baby.

I genuinely felt uncomfortable and nauseous about the idea. I can't really explain it but I knew it wasn't something I wanted to do. I did give it a go due to peer pressure and yep- didn't enjoy it, felt physically sick and wasn't comfortable at all.

Not much of an answer sorry but it just came down to how I was feeling.

I didn't want to my boobs are for me I've thought about it with this baby but I still am on the fence about it I'm just not to bothered about breastfeeding at all

Truth
You keep saying there are huge benefits to bf but not providing any evidence.
If bf so important why is there a complete dearth of support for it in this country. Telling a struggling Mum that there is a bf drop in next Tuesday doesn’t cut it.
The reality is that many women are quickly pitched out of hospital sometimes after tricky deliveries to fairly minimal support. If you add in little or no experience of bf in their family or social circle you can see why it feels impossible.

The issue with formula companies is not about what is happening now. It was that in the past before legislation they advertised that formula was better than breastmilk. You are talking about a time before the internet or even easy access to a variety of professionals opinions. So many mothers believed the advertising. Once those women formula fed, their daughters and DIL were more likely to formula feed. So it is the actions of companies in the past that is an issue.

Nothing like a nice goady thread to start the weekend off hmm

How is this thread goady? From OP’s first post we don’t even know of she breastfeeds or formula feeds?
What is the point of discussion forums if people have to censor what questions they ask just in case somebody will feel judged or offended by them.