To think it's because I'm black?

[notamumsymum]

Walked to co op this morning as OH has taken my car today. So me DD and DS went to pick up some fruit & veg for today.
I don't normally shop at co op I normally go to Asda or Tesco sometimes M&S.

Anyhow one of the staff in there followed me around the whole time then proceeded to wait for me at the door. I was so frustrated at this point I said I'm not stealing anything! She said well we have to be sure. Then I thought let me go back in and see if she is still waiting by the door and shock she was gone.

Aibu and just paranoid? Or am I allowed to be this angry!

That’s ridiculous! Obviously lots of people will come on here and say there could be lots of reasons nothing to do with race and you probably can’t be sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was. People are the worst sometimes. Hope you’re ok

I often get followed round shops in a similar way. I'm white fwiw. I think some staff feel like they need to justify their salary by being like this.

Of course you’re allowed. Write a firm letter stating the facts to the head office. You could always tweet them too, but that can go a bit nuts ...

That’s horrible. I’d say it was because they were racist rather than because you are black.

They do this to young white people as well. Don't make it out to be more than it is.

That's awful! Did you see the car in America earlier this month where a black guy was arrested for stealing medical equipment outside a hospital?

He had double pneumonia, had gone for a walk outside in his hospital gown and attached to a drip. He was just about to go back inside when he was arrested.

Honestly, I would be tweeting the co-op and getting in touch with local newspapers about that. I hate people sometimes.

Yeah but I'm not a young kid I'm a mum of two doing some shopping. I'm so angry I could cry!

Sometimes staff do decide that someone looks suspicious and act in the way you experienced and sadly I think it does have a strong racial element (based on an expectation that a black person is more likely to steal, I guess). I’d write to head office.

It might be because you are black. No pint in denying that they could be racist arseholes.

But were you pushing a buggy/pram because I used to get followed all the time when my children were little. I found it extremely insulting.

I don't know if its because you're black, but that sounds so uncomfortable, they shouldn't be allowed follow people around like that. They can easily check their cameras later.

I wouldn't worry though I'd imagine it was just one asshole trying to seem important.

I'm not in the UK, I'm in ireland and I remember by ds telling me that when he was with his black friend going round the shops they were always followed but not when he was on his own or with white friends. I always remembered this and how you really can be oblivious to what other people face on a day to day basis.

I think people are being naive if they don't think this has an element of racism involved. She admitted herself that you weren't being paranoid, she was following you. Perhaps she was unconsciously basing it on race, but that doesn't make it any more acceptable. Were there other customers in at the same time, who were getting the same treatment?

You wouldn't be unreasonable to be angry, or to complain.

It could be but you’ll never know. I was in Superdrug the other week and was followed by a Muslim woman. I’ve been watched by black male security guards in the local Tesco. I’m white but often mistaken as younger, probably worse when with the kids. It’s annoying but usually they don’t follow me round the whole shop. That’s pretty bad.

I wonder if any training they undergo suggests any ‘types’ that are higher risk.

Yeah there was a line of customers behind me but she went back to whatever she was doing when I came in.

I’m a white female and I always get followed around shops, drug swabbed and searched at airports etc. I hate when people bring race into it.

You may as well not bother asking this on mn, as most people think white and black people are treated exactly the same in the UK.

Me and dp was recently followed around a shop, we’d take two steps, she’d take two steps, we three, she three and so on. It was not a mega expensive clothes shop, but t-shifts were around £100. So in the end we’d pick something up, and put it back down in the wrong place, just to annoy her, because she annoyed us, if you think I’m a thief, don’t make it obvious you are following me. She must have thought everything we were in, were fakes lol ( only Karen Millen, Hugo Boss, nothing that breaks the bank!). As it was she was white, and we are white. But it did really annoy me.

So I can well imagine how you feel, especially with the comment she made! I would certainly be making a complaint if I were you. Sorry you had to experience that. What a shit start to the day. Try not to let it get to you (I know easier said than done).

MN is depressingly blind to everyday and structural racism so I think it's the wrong place to ask this question.

You'll get tonnes of white women piling on telling you about their experiences of once being followed around a shop or about how they're always being eyed suspiciously, which they believe act as evidence that it's not about race because it happens to white women too.

However, YANBU and sorry this happened to you

I bet people who experience racism ‘hate race being brought into it’ too
Don’t know if it’s racism OP but strong possibility I’d say. I’m sorry you had to experience this. Has it happened at that store before?

I am white and the ultimate shop lifters decoy.

I get followed round stores virtually every time I am in a shop.

I have stepped on a few shop assistants toes when stepping back from a shelf and they have been so close behind me.

The best one is a certain guy who mans the self service checkout occasionally.

We have tills that are back to back.

This guy was hovering within inches of me to check I had scanned everything. His concentration on me was the perfect decoy for the kids in the other tills to stuff a load of sweets in their pocket whilst putting through a chocolate bar to pay for.

If this is the first time it has happened then think yourself lucky. I have had a lifetime of this shit.

I should be a shop owners dream but it has put me off shopping so much I rarely go to the shops for anything

My friend was a security guard and said mothers with pushchairs were often followed because it's really common for them to hide things in hoods and baskets, or for toddlers to grab things off shelves and hide them.

DH got followed like that in Waitrose. He was in need of a haircut and his longish hair was rather messy that day. He is of an ethnic minority and the core customer base if this particular Waitrose is white middle class.

He walked a couple more aisles just to confirm that this security guard was actually following him, and then put him in the spot and asked him in a loud voice why he is following him. The guard didn't expect it and was at a loss for words and mumbled something.

DH came home and wrote a letter of complaint and got a voucher and a letter of apology from Waitrose.

You won’t get balanced responses here as most of MN doesn’t really see ‘race’ which is easy to say when you’re white. But, probably yes. As PP said, it’s not because you’re black it’s because they are racist.

‘Think yourself lucky’ FFS.

@notamumsymum that is really awful. I would complain but expect them to brush it off with a generic excuse.

I had this happen to me recently (I'm white and not so young anymore!). It really shook me up and I realised afterwards it's because it never happens to me. It has really made me confront my own privilege and notice what is going on around me and I see what happened to you a lot and it's really appalling.