To think it's because I'm black?

[notamumsymum]

Walked to co op this morning as OH has taken my car today. So me DD and DS went to pick up some fruit & veg for today.
I don't normally shop at co op I normally go to Asda or Tesco sometimes M&S.

Anyhow one of the staff in there followed me around the whole time then proceeded to wait for me at the door. I was so frustrated at this point I said I'm not stealing anything! She said well we have to be sure. Then I thought let me go back in and see if she is still waiting by the door and shock she was gone.

Aibu and just paranoid? Or am I allowed to be this angry!

To the (white) PP who said 'I hate when people bring race into it' - well done. You have missed the point so spectacularly that you have accidentally ended up in a different country. Be fervently glad that on a day to day level, you never have to even think about your race, at all. That it never needs 'bringing into it'.

I've never been followed round the shop. Ever. I think it's really likely that it is because you're black. Complain

This

The pram thing, guarantee it never happens to affluent looking middle class women with £1000 buggies, it happens to working class mothers who look obviously poor, because we are one of the most discriminated groups around today in both society and policy making. No one is looked down upon more than the white working/'underclass' single mother (and you will be seen as a single mother by everyone even if you arnt, you look like and will be judged as a benefit scrounging lowlife)

And that my friends is why 'white women with buggies get followed too' - it's white women who look obviously broke and working class

It sounds like it could definitely be a race thing. So sorry you had this experience OP

I think it is very hard to say whether the person following you was racist... I am white and have been followed multiple times... especially when I have a buggy.

However, when I have been out with friends who aren't white, I have been shocked by the amount of racism they experience e.g. security stopping them all over the place while I walk through... so am not going to minimise your experience.

You are not being unreasonable or paranoid, I wouldn’t shop there again.

I'm sorry this happened to you too, and yes, it is highly possible/probable that it was because you are black.

I've never been followed. (I'm very white). Except for the day I was with my Maori friend, and we got followed all the way around the supermarket, her and I with our two kids. She said that always happened to her. She's a qualified lawyer, teacher, and accountant. . . I bet she gets it even more now, she has ta moko on her face!

I get this often - I am white and an older woman - I think it is because I am a bit of a scruff. I was in a 'posh' shop few weeks ago and I was followed around the whole time, I nearly PMSL (easy to do when you're older) when I left the shop. As a PP said - a perfect decoy for actual shoplifters, and ironically possibly the least likely person to shop lift ever, I once accidentally didn't scan a tub of strawberries in Sainsbury's (about 8 years ago) and I went back in and paid for them! I felt so guilty I wouldn't have slept at night.

We can only know if race was part of it if we asked that person that followed op.

Race does come into quite often.

Whether it absolutely did in this situation we dont know.

She was older probably 60's we live in a white area though very rarely go to the village co op. No response from co op yet!

I'm white and have only ever been followed round the shops/supermarkets when I have been with black friends. It used to happen almost every time when I went shopping with DDs dad who is Jamaican, never happened when I was on my own even though I'm a scruffily dressed young mum. I think people that discount racial bias are horribly naive to the structural racism that is embedded in the way this country operates. White people get followed if they look scummy, black people get followed because they are black, regardless of how they present themselves. The problem with bringing these issues to be discussed on MN is that the majority of posters are white, and I would bet a good proportion of them have no friends who aren't also white so they've never seen or heard about the daily discriminations that BAME people face in the west, and can't seem to get their heads around the fact people are still discriminated against and treated differently because of the colour of their skin. Reading the responses to threads about racism on here makes me genuinely despair for my DD.

I could be racial bias.

But it also happens to me and I am white. So no one can say it definitely is.

This is the essence of white privilege though. I've been followed around shops twice in my life (it was horrible, a very unpleasant experience), and I'm white. I know it wasn't because of my race.

The OP has a strong feeling that she was followed because of her race (and she's probably right IMO). And it can't be ruled out. But she has people in this thread swearing black and blue that it wasn't because of her skin colour

I tend to believe that people are the best judges of their own experience, and that gut feelings are usually right.

I've been followed around shops before too. I'm a white middle class lawyer (and probably look it). 🤷‍♀️

I get this in a few shops, I'm fat, white and a bit scruffy 💁

I think some people just look dodgy. And I'm one of them.........despite the fact the only thing I've ever stolen was from Woolworths, circa 1980s. Pick and mix obviously.😂😂😂

And describing yourself or anyone else as not ‘English’ or ‘British’ looking is racist too!

@GreenGrowTheRushesOhh you have only quoted part of my posts.

As I said, it could be but the only person that knows is the person following her.

Like the shops here, they may have a large amount of women with kids shop lifting.

It likely is partially to do with race and I dont blame the OP for feeling how she does.

But it doesnt prove in this case, that it definitely was race.

I am full aware of white privilege. I am also aware of people shocking g behaviour to certain groups. I am from ireland and grew up in England in the 80s. Nana got all sorts of shit because she had a strong NI accent. Banned from some local shops, followed round others, spat at in the street etc.

I had to learn to cover my accent, when I first moved here. I still get people who are off with me when they find out where I am from. I generally dont mention it where possible.

So I get it, to some degree. But we still cant say thos occasion was definitely racisim.

Those saying don’t bring race into it, or I’ve been followed and I’m white etc, have very rose-tinted glasses on. Yep there’s a LOT of racism around both subtle and overt. I notice it even more since the referendum when xenophobic, racist people felt it gave them a mandate to say exactly what they’ve been thinking but never dare actually give voice to before. Not that things were great before but I think it became more obvious after the referendum.

Sorry OP, you’re probably right that it was because your black

I have been watched a few times. I’m white. How horrible for you. I hope you get a decent response and apology.

@Okyah Funnily enough I bet those people would be the first ones to call out racism if they happened to be discriminated against in Dubai or Asia. It just goes to show the sheer scale of their privilege that they feel they can muscle in on something they have no idea about.

I'm white, middle aged and middle class. Have spent the last 40 years in posh bits of SW London and Surrey. I have never seen a security guard follow anyone in a supermarket. I don't think I have ever seen a white security guard in a supermarket.

I have been followed twice around my local Tesco express. I'm white, in my thirties and as 'English looking' as they come.

One of the times I had my baby on my hip while I was running in to grab some bread because I couldn't be arsed to get the pushchair out for a quick dash in. Decided I needed milk too and I almost stepped on the security guard as I opened the fridge door he was so close. No handbag as card in pocket and was wearing a fitted t shirt and cropped jeans so no place to hide things anyway! Quite how he thought I was going to shoplift then conceal a loaf of bread or four pints of milk when I had a baby in one arm and a basket on the other (which I had to put on the floor to put stuff in) I don't know.

Sometimes I think they just have to pick someone, maybe follow so many people a day? However I don't doubt that race comes into it sometimes. Being white, I'm fortunate to have never had any racism directed at me, but subtle changes in behaviour is sometimes noticeable when I have my mixed race friend with me.

It quite possible could be, yes. Which is disgusting really.

Either she's a racist or she's had a few black people come in try and steal and she's tarring you with the same brush (I separate this from outright racism as it's not out of hate, but taking past experiences and completely missing the point).

I'd quite rightly avoid that shop from now on. Just really unnecessary!

proteinshakes my point is that when you and I have this type of experience, we know that it's not because of our race. That's our white privilege there. The OP can't rule that out.

And my oh was Once arrested for walking suspiciously down a street when he'd been visiting DD and I and was walking home.

And they once tried to arrest him for acting suspiciously outside his own house. Despite me and the DC's telling the policeman he lived there. .........the guy was a complete prick and determined to have someone to liven up his boring night patrolling. They wouldn't have it that he wasn't trying to break into either ours or the neighbors at around 10pm which is a bit bloody early for burglars. He was slightly tipsy and had been checking through his pockets for keys and money before heading to the chip shop. 🙄

He's white, short and bald. 💁

It's annoying when we're wrongly accused of something or made to feel uncomfortable. But pinning it on race or the way we look is just lazy. 99% of the time it's because we've met the wrong dickhead on the wrong day.

I also got followed round M&S yesterday by a security guard.

I think it's because I'm not the usual M&S type and the only reason I was in there was to buy the 2 packs of avacado I saw online, 65p.

Im not their usual client. Youngish looking and fat, colourful hair, tattoos etc