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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be unsure about going for ££ Michelin Star lunch ££

389 replies

DismalDaughter · 03/07/2019 14:54

I’ll try and keep it brief! I appreciate it’s a First World Problem....

Very close friend has big birthday coming up. We have been friends forever and our DHs are friends too. They have no DCs, no pets, no mortgage - just 2 big fat salaries / bonuses / shares and lots of exotic holidays!

On the other hand DH and I have a substantial mortgage, DCs and pets! DH is our breadwinner. He works very long hours to provide for us. I was a SAHM but now work p/t and term time. I earn peanuts. My (our!) choice - DH earns enough and I wanted to be home for DCs.

We don’t have much of a social life as no family nearby, but we have maintained this friendship (and others) buy socialising mainly at our house over the years. No issues - we provide food and booze and they bring along pudding and more booze, and sometimes sweets for kids. All good!

DCs are now at high school so it feels as though ever so slowly we are starting to get our lives back a bit. We’ll leave kids home alone for a couple of hours from time to time to go shopping or for lunch, and once to the cinema. Kids are happy to be left and well behaved - so no problem with this.

So... DF has suggested that for her upcoming 50th she’d like the 4 of us to go for a posh lunch. DH would like to go and says we can afford it as a “once in a lifetime experience”. But I’ve looked at the website and I reckon for the 2 of us it’d be about £700 😵 Dates are released 3 months in advance so we need to make a decision. I get that for them it’s about a day’s salary (between them) but for me that’s over a month’s pay! And I’m really struggling to get my head round that. Even though DH has a career, like I say we have a mortgage, kids, pets etc.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t hesitate to go on holiday or pay for DCs to go on school trips. But this just seems a bit OTT. Out of my comfort zone I suppose. Or am I missing the point? Will it be worth every penny? I’d appreciate views! And as I said at the start, I do appreciate it’s a “nice” dilemma to have.

Are any of you experienced Michelin star lunchers?! Would I regret not going?!

OP posts:
PirateOfPenzance · 03/07/2019 15:43

the Fat Duck would easily cost that. The food alone is over £300pp then you've got service and drinks.

pallisers · 03/07/2019 15:44

We are very well off these days and could afford that and I just couldn't bring myself to pay it - it feels obscene. Nor would I ever ask another couple to accompany me to an expensive restaurant like that. Very very few people would be comfortable paying that kind of money on one meal.

Tell them they should go just the two of them and you'll be happy to go out for dinner somewhere less spectacular to celebrate the birthday.

listsandbudgets · 03/07/2019 15:45

OP have you checked if they've got a set lunch menu?

TheBossOfMe · 03/07/2019 15:46

I've been to many Michelin Star restaurants, and have never ever paid anywhere near that for lunch. Maybe for a long boozy dinner with very, very, very good wine, but not for lunch. Most places do very reasonable set lunches that come to nowhere near that, and even a la carte would push it. Even Le Manoir has a £100 5 course lunch menu.

Where is it???

PirateOfPenzance · 03/07/2019 15:46

for me, the bottom line would be 'would you enjoy it'

if you're going to spend every mouthful thinking 'I could have had a week on a Greek Island for this' then I wouldn't bother going

I personally think it's OTT and wouldn't feel comfortable doing it.

RickAstleyGaveMeUp · 03/07/2019 15:46

Crazy money. Alain Ducasse at the Dorchester has 3 stars, and a set lunch with wine and coffee is £70pp.

WholelottaPaint · 03/07/2019 15:47

I've always wanted to go to the Fat Duck and would probably go for the experience it's a good excuse but generally I am becoming increasingly put off Michelin starred restaurants - their service is often too formal for me, can lack a feeling of warmth, can be a bit dull and if the food does not shine, you can feel quite disappointed and hungry when the bill arrives But it's all about what you like personally and how deep your pockets are because if you feel you can't afford it and that this needs to be really special to justify the price - you'll be gutted if it isn't - the night has a lot to live up to.

fraxion · 03/07/2019 15:47

YANBU to bulk at the cost. No way in hell would I spend 700 quid on a lunch but I'm far from a foodie. We have splashed out a few times on expensive dinners which my husband raved about but I was underwhelmed, a few hundred quid but nowhere near 700.

Tmor · 03/07/2019 15:47

I have a michelin restaurant as my local and we go there for lunch quite often, mind you it is not in 700 region. I wouldn't go if I were you, it is a lifetime experience for your DF and not for you. I am sure you can arrange something low key if she wanted to, especially if this meal is above your usual budget

Orangeballon · 03/07/2019 15:49

No way.

IvanaPee · 03/07/2019 15:49

Can anyone say what actually happens at The Fat Duck?

Thinking I might book it for dh’s 50th!

babysharkah · 03/07/2019 15:50

Depends where, and if it was somewhere I really wanted to go. We've pushed the boat out on occasion but I wouldn't do it where I had no real desire / interest. I wouldn't want to go and be scared about them ordering the £500 wine because you want the £50 wine for example, as that's just awkward and you won't enjoy it.

IvanaPee · 03/07/2019 15:50

If it’s more than just a meal I mean!

northerngirl2012 · 03/07/2019 15:50

As you’ve said they’re great friends, can you not say it’s a great idea but can we go somewhere less pricey? Ie a nice gastro pub or similar? So still a real treat for you and different for them to be out with you but a compromise?

TheHopefulTraveller · 03/07/2019 15:50

I was going to say do it until you got to the price tag. Fuck me, that's a lot of money. I'm a foodie and would pay a lot for, say, a multi-course tasting menu at a Michelin starred restaurant (well, depending on how finances were going) but £350 a head is a bit obscene imo. A Fat Duck style gastrodrama doesn't appeal to me much though, so maybe you feel differently.

northerngirl2012 · 03/07/2019 15:50

Or do they mean it to be their treat?

TheBossOfMe · 03/07/2019 15:51

Ivana - you eat incredibly good and surprising food. And drink very good wine. And have fun. Same as any restaurant, but with better food.

My top tip with any good restaurant is choose the set menu. It makes you eat things you wouldn't normally eat - and 99% of the time, you're wowed by the food.

Original poster
DismalDaughter · 03/07/2019 15:51

Thanks for all the replies.

Boris - yours made me laugh 🤣

Having studied the website closely I have probably overestimated very slightly (everything has % service on top too) but I won’t be far off. I’ve included wine, cheese course, coffee etc. DH said he’d expect to pay about £10 just for a bottle of water. In addition I’d need an outfit etc so it just goes up and up. Plus taxis.

I jokingly asked whether it would be their treat last time we had a few drinks, but it was made clear that everything would be split 50/50!

The more I think about it, for that money I’d rather have a weekend away with the DCs and the Ddogs!

Now I just need to pluck up the courage to tell them ...

OP posts:
AnnaNimmity · 03/07/2019 15:51

I took my exH to the Fat Duck for his 40th and the food and the whole experience was absolutely amazing. I also went with a boyfriend to a top michelin starred restaurant for my birthday a couple of years ago and the food was sublime. Very memorable (and I'm not a foodie). It's the experience as well as the food - the wine pairing, the luxury, the showmanship of it all and the fact it is a once in a life time thing.

But you know, I don't think I'd go for a friend's birthday - just mine or my OH's I think. I wouldn't expect a friend to either. It's just too expensive.

Aethelthryth · 03/07/2019 15:52

No lunch which one is straining to afford is fun. Your DH's friend will probably take charge of the wine list and may not be very considerate about it (somehow women are always so much more thoughtful in that scenario). Just say that it's a lovely idea but money's a bit tight at the moment so could you go somewhere else. Nothing to stop them going to the expensive restaurant themselves

Aroundtheworldandback · 03/07/2019 15:52

The restaurant in our ski hotel this year was starred. I’ve never been so starved after a meal- I had to fill up on bread. And when your starving the pomp irritates you even more..

IvanaPee · 03/07/2019 15:53

Ivana - you eat incredibly good and surprising food. And drink very good wine. And have fun. Same as any restaurant, but with better food

Oh. That’s disappointing.

TheBossOfMe · 03/07/2019 15:53

Blimey, I would never drink bottled water in a restaurant. I'd always ask for tap. Nobody blinks an eyelid.

SinkGirl · 03/07/2019 15:53

their service is often too formal for me, can lack a feeling of warmth, can be a bit dull and if the food does not shine, you can feel quite disappointed and hungry when the bill arrives

Definitely go to Le Gavroche then - we actually couldn’t eat everything, the first few courses were small which I expected to continue but got bigger and bigger until we were groaning.

It was really relaxed and friendly too - MR Jr popped in for a chat a few times, it was fantastic. And definitely not £700 per head!

Bearbehind · 03/07/2019 15:54

OP have you checked if they've got a set lunch menu?

This made me laugh!

If lunch is looking like £700 its hardly likely that if you have the set menu then it would be £50 😂😂😂😂

I’d just tell them you can’t afford it.

Maybe they are planning on treating you.

I’d never ask friends to stump up that kind of money for munch even if I chose to myself.

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