to be unsure about going for ££ Michelin Star lunch ££

[DismalDaughter]

I’ll try and keep it brief! I appreciate it’s a First World Problem....

Very close friend has big birthday coming up. We have been friends forever and our DHs are friends too. They have no DCs, no pets, no mortgage - just 2 big fat salaries / bonuses / shares and lots of exotic holidays!

On the other hand DH and I have a substantial mortgage, DCs and pets! DH is our breadwinner. He works very long hours to provide for us. I was a SAHM but now work p/t and term time. I earn peanuts. My (our!) choice - DH earns enough and I wanted to be home for DCs.

We don’t have much of a social life as no family nearby, but we have maintained this friendship (and others) buy socialising mainly at our house over the years. No issues - we provide food and booze and they bring along pudding and more booze, and sometimes sweets for kids. All good!

DCs are now at high school so it feels as though ever so slowly we are starting to get our lives back a bit. We’ll leave kids home alone for a couple of hours from time to time to go shopping or for lunch, and once to the cinema. Kids are happy to be left and well behaved - so no problem with this.

So... DF has suggested that for her upcoming 50th she’d like the 4 of us to go for a posh lunch. DH would like to go and says we can afford it as a “once in a lifetime experience”. But I’ve looked at the website and I reckon for the 2 of us it’d be about £700 😵 Dates are released 3 months in advance so we need to make a decision. I get that for them it’s about a day’s salary (between them) but for me that’s over a month’s pay! And I’m really struggling to get my head round that. Even though DH has a career, like I say we have a mortgage, kids, pets etc.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t hesitate to go on holiday or pay for DCs to go on school trips. But this just seems a bit OTT. Out of my comfort zone I suppose. Or am I missing the point? Will it be worth every penny? I’d appreciate views! And as I said at the start, I do appreciate it’s a “nice” dilemma to have.

Are any of you experienced Michelin star lunchers?! Would I regret not going?!

£700 for two for lunch is flat out insane. I think you'd come away regretting it, just judging on what you've posted here.

When I started reading your post, I thought your friend was inviting you out for her birthday and you were unsure if you should accept! But if you have to pay, I wouldn’t go in your situation.

I have dined in many 1 and 2 star Michelin restaurants in various countries, and although food is mindblowing and service quite something, I wouldn’t pay £700. I guess that must be three stars? I might pay that much only if I had money to spare, and even then I’d feel guilty.

Remember it’s not a once-in-a-lifetime chance to go. If you feel like splashing out £700 on a meal in the future, there are plenty of Michelin-star restaurants that will be happy to take your money and treat you.

Ive always wanted to go the fat duck i understand why people would gawp at the priced though

Talk to your friend if youre that good of a friend she'll understand

It is very inconsiderate of the OP’s friend to suggest this wildly extravagant meal when she and her DH are well off and child free and the OP has a large mortgage and many financial commitments.

£700 is a ridiculous sum to spend on lunch. I bet most millionaires wouldn’t spend that much. They wouldn’t be rich for long if they did.

If the restaurant is the Fat Duck at Bray, go to Marlow instead. There is an Ivy and Tom Kerridge’s pub does a special lunch price on a Tuesday. Marlow is a billionaire’s town and there are a gazillion top end restaurants competing for business.

If you do decide to go make sure you tell them beforehand that you will only pay for your own food/drinks - otherwise your bill will be closer to £1k!

To those of you who are incredulous that a meal can cost that much - have a look at this snapshot from Fat Duck’s reservation website.

Childhood memories! I can watch Willo the Wisp on YouTube.

I've just googled the Fat Duck. I've never heard of it before. I'm absolutely shocked by the prices! And the cost of drinks on top of that too I'm just working out how many weeks of groceries that would be for us!! It sounds completely up it's own backside imho. Not something I'd want to do, but I guess if you can afford it and would enjoy it then it's fine. I certainly wouldnt be spending that much money to eat out on someone else birthday

If you can afford it in the sense that it won't leave you unable to pay for necessities/clear out your savings then it really comes down to is this a thing that will bring you pleasure commensurate with the cost. For some people an amazing meal is worth it, for others the meal just won't hit the spot. Which type you are is down to your preferences, it's fine to be either.

Buy it's reasonable for your friend to expect you to want to spend that sort of money and she should understand if you say, sorry, too much for us to spend. Pretty much anyone who goes there views it as a very expensive treat

It's not a once in a lifetime opportunity. You could do it any time (well, with three month's prebooking). I'd suggest choosing a time when you have £700 to spare.

I’d say no to them and then go to a Michelin restaurant you fancy on your own terms since your DH is keen. I too wouldn’t like that splitting the bill in half

Be honest. Just say no.. you can’t afford it. You can’t justify the expense.. whatever it may be.
But I can tell you don’t want to go. So don’t go. Saying “no thank you” is actually the easiest thing in the world. Why don’t you suggest doing something different .. like a picnic in the park.. or whatever you think might be special.. and offer to do that once she’s done her restaurant thing?
Oh.. and btw I’ve been to a few mich star restaurants recently and the food has been disappointing...
stick to your guns and say that you want to do something different with her, some other time. X

I'd give it a miss tbh.

I've eaten at a two-star on holiday with DH. It was amazing and we loved every expensive minute.
We are not well off but we saved to enjoy a special occasion.

Gah posted too soon!
I wouldn't spend the same for a friends occasion to be honest.

No way! Michelin stars food is judged by folk with not your average palette as they are looking to taste something 'different' anout the food. You probably won't even notice anything different about the chicken stuffed with truffle, boiled snail with accompanying charcoal and peppermint coulis. Of course there has to be the fancy presentation of the couple of mouthfuls of food. Ridiculous cost for a lunch.

Going out for a meal is not a once in a lifetime opportunity. Your friend's insistence on a place that isn't exactly affordable for you & your husband is incredibly selfish - the fact she won't compromise would have me really annoyed.

I hope this doesn’t sound rude. But if it’s taking you this long to decide whether you should go or not, you absolutely shouldn’t! It’s clearly not a comfortable amount of money to spend on a lunch, and you will be resenting it throughout the meal when things don’t blow you away at every moment.

These things are always more expensive than you think, as there will be always be unforeseen “must haves”. Going somewhere or doing something when you’re already uncomfortable about the money is never a good idea, in my opinion. It’s almost setting yourself up for regret and disappointment

That’s an obscene amount of money for a lunch . I could afford it but I wouldn’t because it’s an obscene amount of money for a lunch .
If you have to think about it and worse if you have to save up for it then you can’t afford it . Who in their right mind would save for ages to blow it in on one lunch ? Madness!

Don’t do it! Explain to your friend that although you would love to go you can’t justify spending a months wages in one posh dinner. Not a biggie. Could you celebrate her. 50th another time, a bit more low key?

After your latest update, @DismalDaughter, I'm thinking that you and your husband should decide together what your own, as a couple's, once in a lifetime experience should be and how to spend such a huge sum of money, rather than reluctantly going along to the occasion your friends want you to fork out for so they can have the pleasure of your company. Honestly, at the very least, if they aren't inviting you properly and paying for everything themselves, they might at least make a gesture, knowing how it will stretch you, and pay for all the drinks for everyone.
Are you sure they understand how different your finances are from theirs?

No. Just no. I'm all for treats now and again, but that is just outrageously expensive.

Seriously don't go. It would need to be out of this world for that price, and I'd spend the whole time being annoyed at your friends if they ordered expensive wine or extras.

I don't think it was wrong of them to ask you if you wanted to come, but equally it's fine to go back and say that whilst it looks amazing and you hope they have a wonderful meal, it's out of your price bracket so would they like to come over on X date for a BBQ to celebrate and they can tell you all about it.

I really hope you have found your backbone and told them you won't be going subsiding their blowout meal.

Makes me laugh to see so many of you stating the bleedin’ obvious. 🙄 it’s NOT Op’s choice of restaurant that’s the issue. Stop telling her places she can get a much better/cheaper meal. She’s not making any decision on where her friends want to have a special lunch. That’s up to them and they’ve made their choice. She’s asking for opinions on whether or not she should agree to go. Mine is that you would always regret it OP. Great experience but it’s not something you and DH would choose to spend £700 on if you were looking for a great experience. This is something your friends feel is special for them so I would let them go and enjoy it. You can have them round to your place to celebrate with cake, a nice bottle of something and a relaxed enjoyable evening you’ll all enjoy.