to be unsure about going for ££ Michelin Star lunch ££

[DismalDaughter]

I’ll try and keep it brief! I appreciate it’s a First World Problem....

Very close friend has big birthday coming up. We have been friends forever and our DHs are friends too. They have no DCs, no pets, no mortgage - just 2 big fat salaries / bonuses / shares and lots of exotic holidays!

On the other hand DH and I have a substantial mortgage, DCs and pets! DH is our breadwinner. He works very long hours to provide for us. I was a SAHM but now work p/t and term time. I earn peanuts. My (our!) choice - DH earns enough and I wanted to be home for DCs.

We don’t have much of a social life as no family nearby, but we have maintained this friendship (and others) buy socialising mainly at our house over the years. No issues - we provide food and booze and they bring along pudding and more booze, and sometimes sweets for kids. All good!

DCs are now at high school so it feels as though ever so slowly we are starting to get our lives back a bit. We’ll leave kids home alone for a couple of hours from time to time to go shopping or for lunch, and once to the cinema. Kids are happy to be left and well behaved - so no problem with this.

So... DF has suggested that for her upcoming 50th she’d like the 4 of us to go for a posh lunch. DH would like to go and says we can afford it as a “once in a lifetime experience”. But I’ve looked at the website and I reckon for the 2 of us it’d be about £700 😵 Dates are released 3 months in advance so we need to make a decision. I get that for them it’s about a day’s salary (between them) but for me that’s over a month’s pay! And I’m really struggling to get my head round that. Even though DH has a career, like I say we have a mortgage, kids, pets etc.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t hesitate to go on holiday or pay for DCs to go on school trips. But this just seems a bit OTT. Out of my comfort zone I suppose. Or am I missing the point? Will it be worth every penny? I’d appreciate views! And as I said at the start, I do appreciate it’s a “nice” dilemma to have.

Are any of you experienced Michelin star lunchers?! Would I regret not going?!

Wow! Expecting someone to fork out 50/50 to celebrate your birthday at their huge expense is a fucking pisstake. And you need to 'pluck up the courage' to tell them no? Seriously? Grow a pair, this 'friend' is quite an inconsiderate, entitled cow. Just message her back, 'Sounds lovely but unfortunately we won't be able to join you.' I try to consider my friends' varying economic conditions and stresses.

^This. I'm not from the UK and I remember being absolutely shocked when people invite you for their birthday, you fork out and buy a gift and you pay for food and drinks. This place they invited you to takes the cake tho

Sorry haven't RTFT so someone might have said this but I wouldn't go in part at least because I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy it for fear of costs escalating. What if the waiter comes and says 'so will we be having champagne to celebrate' and BOOM that's another £200 on the bill?

I'm not normally a hand wringer when eating out with friends and am generally happy to split the bill with friends but I probably wouldn't go to somewhere that pricey with anyone other than my husband.

A bottle of fizz to start, then someone suggests a round of port, then maybe a night cap god NO I'm getting stressed just thinking about it 😂

Umm I am prepared to be flamed for this, but if it's The Fat Duck or similar, you will not be disappointed. It's more than food. I mean, the food is incredible but it's the whole experience. It's not stuffy silver service either - it's fun and they try and personalise the experience for you. I'd go for it!! I understand it's a LOT of money though so you really need to get your head around that and let that bit go if you see what I mean!

I've been to quite a few.

Every time both mouthfuls have been delicious. If you have a miniscule appetite, you'll be fine, but I was always still ravenous afterwards.

Right. People keep saying it’s the experience, but nobody will say what they mean!

What happens when you go in?

Or do you have to sign a non-disclosure or something?! (I’m only half joking.)

I was greeted in the car park of the two Michelin star restaurant and shown to the chef's table. The chef then chatted to us about what he's trying to achieve.

The sommelier then told us about the wines- it's a tasting menu only at the restaurant we were at so all the wines 'match' the food. The wine was decanted and poured in a fancy way the food came and the chef told us what it was and what was in it. Asked us about it when finished then another put down and again discussed. The chef chatted throughout the night about all sorts and he was very interesting!

I left there believing the chef was a genius and LOVED the evening.

It's hard to put into words, it was just a great experience

@IvanaPee - google Fat Duck experience and you'll get a load of bloggers telling you what happens there.

IME nowhere else is quite like that. Experience at other restaurants is more about someone waiting to show you to the restaurant as your car pulls up in front, 3 people fussing over you when you enter taking your coats, lovely bar for an aperitif, amuse bouches (I often like those most), flourishes as they reveal your food (and tell you what is on your plate in great detail), blah blah blah

One of my friends went to the Fat Duck. It’s all just food! And theatrics around food.

I questioned her loads because the way people talk about stuff like this confuses me!

Manoir?

I loved it. book the day off work and go midweek to keep the cost down (nearer £300 for 2) if that makes it more palatable. Don't pay £700: it will suck the joy from you and you won't enjoy it.

Look it's a lovely experience - with a partner I think. The thing I appreciated from my most recent experience (apart from the food) was the amazing wine. we had a tour of the restaurant, we got treated really well. It was an amazing experience.

But would I do it for friends? No. I'd rather go out and get raucously drunk for far less money. I do think your friends, however good friends they are, are being very cheeky.

In any case now my money priority is on furnishing my house and going on holidays. I'd rather eat out once a month in a reasonable place and make it an occasion.

I’ve been to lots of starred restaurants all over the world over the years from our little local to the number 1 in the world at the time (Per Se). Spent much more than £700 on a meal for two, that was at Pierre Gagnaire in Paris. Would I spend £700 on a lunch ? Yes I would, in the right setting. Would I expect someone else to ? No I would not. Unless you know for absolute certainty that the other person would be happy to spend the money, you keep it relatively cheap.
Here are my London recommendations - Le Gavroche (a favourite of ours), the Square and the Greenhouse. The Greenhouse is my current favourite of those 3.

To put this into context, I worked in luxury hotels in food and beverage management and a Michelin star restaurant as a chef when I was younger. My ex has a Michelin star. So food and dining is very important to me and it’s what we splurge on. Some meals I’ve been disappointed in (Alain ducasse at Dorchester was crap) and some were phenomenal, mind blowing stuff (Tenko in Japan, chez Dominique).

In relation to special diets a lot of chefs at this level won’t do it because the level of cuisine is incredibly complex and requires huge amounts of prep. They don’t just grill a steak and shove it on a plate ! The costs of staffing, equipping and provisioning a starred resto are huge - and get higher as you gain stars. Only the very best bits of the produce are used, hours are spent making sure everything is totally perfect.
In my exe’s case he is the only chef in the kitchen so he works 16 hour days 6 days a week just to put out one menu, without special diets. He doesn’t do it because he just can’t. He does a fish week and a veggie week every now and then so people don’t miss out. Not that you can get a table, he releases them at 10am for 3 months ahead and they are gone literally in 1 minute

Rude for them even to suggest this.

I've been to a few Michelin star restaurants for lunch and they cost a fraction of that....she has chosen a 'big name' one? I would decline and probably be honest that we can't justify the cost.

Just checked and you can go to Moor Hall, I would argue the best restaurant in the uk right now, Michelin started, and have set lunch for TWENTY THREE POUNDS.

So are your friends about food or about money?

Ps any foodies on here, Moor Hall is worth the trip - it’s incred.

I had a read @TheBossOfMe thanks!

I have to say, I’m not usually one for poncey wankery, and the iPod in a seashell is a bit too hipster-esque for me but it all sounds pretty amazing!

Genuinely considering it now!

@IvanaPee - go, it is amazing. Just very expensive!

@Fivebyfivesq agreed, Moor Hall was one of the only ones I really enjoyed and have returned to

Almost all the top restaurants in London, and probably elsewhere, do fantastic lunch set menus which are very reasonably priced. I’d suggest one of these and stick to that.

I’m sure it’s already been suggest as I HRTFT, sorry.

We like Le Gavroche. Nathan Outlaw was very disappointing.

ivana that’s interesting because I thought you sounded a bit like me on the subject

Rosa, I sort of am still, maybe. I think!

Like some of it I’m just and I’d be embarrassed. But there’s a part of me that’s really curious!

If this is The Fat Duck, go. Most expensive meal I;ve ever had in my life but it really WAS a once in a lifetime experience

Another French Laundry fan here .

We also base holidays (and most other bits of our lives) around eating wonderful food. I would have paid £700 to go to El Bulli, but I would recoil otherwise.

Our most expensive meal for 2 at a Michelin star was about £400, with the wine tasting menu.

I'm batty about food, but I wouldn't be able to justify £700 to myself.

I would just say you are really sorry but that restaurant is out of your price range at the moment and suggest something nice but reasonable. There are lots of fabulous restaurants in between £700 for four people and Frankie and Benny's. They will either agree to something upscale but not crazy, or tell you they planned to pay for it anyway. In which case go and have fun!

Why not consider offering a gourmet meal at yours? For a fraction of £700 you could consider a selection of fancy cheeses with nice wine or some top-notch steak / Iberian pork / fish etc. cooked at home.