to be unsure about going for ££ Michelin Star lunch ££

[DismalDaughter]

I’ll try and keep it brief! I appreciate it’s a First World Problem....

Very close friend has big birthday coming up. We have been friends forever and our DHs are friends too. They have no DCs, no pets, no mortgage - just 2 big fat salaries / bonuses / shares and lots of exotic holidays!

On the other hand DH and I have a substantial mortgage, DCs and pets! DH is our breadwinner. He works very long hours to provide for us. I was a SAHM but now work p/t and term time. I earn peanuts. My (our!) choice - DH earns enough and I wanted to be home for DCs.

We don’t have much of a social life as no family nearby, but we have maintained this friendship (and others) buy socialising mainly at our house over the years. No issues - we provide food and booze and they bring along pudding and more booze, and sometimes sweets for kids. All good!

DCs are now at high school so it feels as though ever so slowly we are starting to get our lives back a bit. We’ll leave kids home alone for a couple of hours from time to time to go shopping or for lunch, and once to the cinema. Kids are happy to be left and well behaved - so no problem with this.

So... DF has suggested that for her upcoming 50th she’d like the 4 of us to go for a posh lunch. DH would like to go and says we can afford it as a “once in a lifetime experience”. But I’ve looked at the website and I reckon for the 2 of us it’d be about £700 😵 Dates are released 3 months in advance so we need to make a decision. I get that for them it’s about a day’s salary (between them) but for me that’s over a month’s pay! And I’m really struggling to get my head round that. Even though DH has a career, like I say we have a mortgage, kids, pets etc.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t hesitate to go on holiday or pay for DCs to go on school trips. But this just seems a bit OTT. Out of my comfort zone I suppose. Or am I missing the point? Will it be worth every penny? I’d appreciate views! And as I said at the start, I do appreciate it’s a “nice” dilemma to have.

Are any of you experienced Michelin star lunchers?! Would I regret not going?!

I think this is just too much for lunch. DH and I love Michelin star restaurants, and try to go to one every year for our anniversary. The most we’ve spent is €500 (live abroad) on one dinner. That was for a two star restaurant. I’m going for a girls dinner tomorrow night to another one, which is spectacular and cost €65 for a five course menu inc hors d’œuvres and sweets at the end.
Lunch is supposed to be a less expensive meal and I think we’ve paid around €120 per head. £700 is an extortionate amount and although it probably will be amazing etc etc, it seems just too expensive to be comfortable with.
Is there not another Michelin star restaurant you could go to instead? In my experience they are all fantastic 😍

If you're close friends then explain the problem to her.

*I’d also be very wary of the fact they’ve specifically said the bill would be split 50/50.

They could go way off ordering really expensive options so even if you were careful you’d end up with an enormous bill.*

I agree with this.

If they start ordering really expensive wines, it will be hard for you to enjoy the meal whilst worrying the bill will be even higher than £700! I ate in one fancy restaurant on a date and there were bottles of wine costing over £1k on the menu, I was very nervous when he ordered wine in case he picked one and then wanted to split the bill!!

A restaurant like the fat duck would be completely wasted on me as I'm not a foodie and wouldn't appreciate the food enough. We have been to a michelin starred place for dinner in the £300 for two range, I liked it but it wasn't a 'once in a lifetime experience' for me, just a fun meal with above average food to my underdeveloped palate. I still remember the waiter's expression when he told us they had a very special truffle in tonight, which they carried around in a ceremonial manner in a beautiful ornate box.

Dh would appreciate the fat duck, we could afford it and he did talk about going with a friend in the past, but still I don't think he would choose to spend so much on one meal.

We’ve been to Hand and Flowers, The Square (not sure if that is still M but it was 2 at the time) and Paul Ainsworth at number 6. Want to try more but Paul Ainsworth is hands down the best (and he’s “only” 1) - we pay around £300 there for pre-dinner drinks, nice bottle wine, 3 courses and service. Not sure how that can be beaten. That said, I am secretly hoping my husband has booked us into Le Manoir to stay and for dinner. I’ve dropped enough hints!

We have been to many Michelin Star restaurants, including Sat Bains & Gordon Ramsay. We have never spent anything resembling £700. No meal is worth that.

user cooking for anyone is pressure, but someone like this? I couldn’t.

Hopeless “ I still remember the waiter's expression when he told us they had a very special truffle in tonight, which they carried around in a ceremonial manner in a beautiful ornate box.”

OH. MY. GOD. I don’t know if that would make me laugh or weep for humanity.

In my experience, if someone suggests something like this for a special birthday, they're expecting to foot the bill as they are inviting you (like they would if they had a birthday party)

Maybe that's what they're expecting....

Michelin starred places are such a total fecking waste of money, we once had a tasting menu in one and both of us felt sick in the night from the sheer range of foods eaten, different wines drunk and richness of it all

I'd go great quality and simple every time, in a beautiful location, like a seaside outdoor cafe selling freshly caught crab or something

RosaWaiting, I can imagine

But at least you can throw in a good bottle of whisky/rum etc and even a couple of cigars without having to sell a kidney

Cat
They've already told OP and her DH that it's a 50/50 split.

No way!
You do realise your wealthy friends will not scrimp on their choices of food & drink and then suggest you split the bill with them, so it will cost even more than what you might be able to budget for

@DismalDaughter have you told your friend yet? I hope so and I hope she was gracious about it.

I have had lots of lovely Michelin starred lunches but they have never cost that much. My husband is an amazing cook so when we do go out, which is not very often, it has to be a top restaurant for him to enjoy it. Lunch is generally cheaper than dinner and you can get some great fixed price menus.

We had a lovely taster menu lunch at L’Enclume for our 40th anniversary 2 years ago - the bill was around £350. For us it was very much a one-off, but there were people nearby for whom this was obviously a regular thing. Couple at the next table who barely took their eyes off their phones while they were forking the food in and walked out leaving half a dozen half-empty bottles of very expensive wine.

We shared the cheapest bottle of wine, and went before and after to a pub up the road.

I've been to the Fat Duck, L'Enclume and The Ledbury - to other Michelin Star restaurants too, but those are the ones where I spent a lot of money, and still not £700 although I expect if you did wine matching you could easily spend that much at the Fat Duck.

I don't know if you could ever quantify whether it was definitively 'worth it', but then for some people £200 tickets to Taylor Swift would be 'worth it', and for others really not. I see eating at that sort of place as an experience thing rather than a square meal, and I was really wowed by the Fat Duck and am glad I did it. If it's not your thing, don't do it. It's a huge amount of money to drop on something you're not well invested in.

I know what I would do, say no, be honest and because of DC and dog and outgoings you can't justify spending that much money on a lunch, but offer an alternative. People with money seem to get into this mind set of out doing each other. Maybe this is the case with your friend, but if she is a real friend she will accept that the price for a lunch is actually outrageous, especially for you. I would look for a very nice restaurant and ask them if you could share her birthday in a more intimate way, or offer to cook her a meal to celebrate. People with money seem to forget the real meaning of friendships and get on this role of trying to keep up with the Jones and maybe this is what happening. Can I just say you are better off being authentic, if they don't understand then they are not real friends

The food will be excellent, service likewise. I’m assuming by the cost that the place must have 3 stars. I’ve eaten in many Michelin starred restaurants, even in London and spent half of that on a lunch. La Gavroche in Mayfair have the best value daily menu around at about £75 a head including wine. Is this place likely to be many times better. No, it won’t, and you will resent the expense.

Thing is it's not entirely clear whether the OP has included her outfit, the present, transport, tips etc in her £700 assumption.

You are clearly uncomfortable with this so don't waste the time or money ...if it was something you were into and enjoyed then no problem..I personally think it's crazy money for a lunch you could fly to Paris and have lunch there for that

I am far too frivolous with money and I think this is WAY over the top. I would say no. Could they not do this just the 2 if them and you go somewhere else as a four. There are plenty of lovely fine dining restaurants (even in London) for a fraction of the price.

I think for some people it would be worth it - a once in a lifetime experience, as the friend says, which they would remember with pleasure for ever. Other people just wouldn’t get the same pleasure from it - many people are just not that into food. In the same way one person might get the most enormous pleasure from a trip to a world famous opera house to see a performance with a world famous star whereas another person would be left yawning by the experience. I think if you have to wonder whether the experience would be worth the money then it probably isn’t (for you). If the OPs immediate response to the suggestion was ‘wow, I would absolutely love to do that, I’ve always dreamed of eating there’ I would say go for it and it will be worth it, but don’t bother unless that is how you feel.

Nope. if you have to even question it then you are clearly not interested enough in the food and the experience for it to be worth it.

I've been on both sides of this financial conundrum and I find it very rude when people ask their friends to do something very expensive, without offering to pay for it. That's only ok to do when everyone is on the same financial level

I've been thinking about this just now...I've already said upthread that I would have paid that for a table at El Bulli back in the day, but otherwise, no.

Your initial post makes no mention of whether your friends are regular Michelin lovers, or whether this is something they just want to experience. Are they real food lovers? Sorry if I've missed that bit in an update.

The thing is, I guess, is the MIchelin food bit could be a bit of a red herring...if someone suggested spending £700 on their BIrthday, the reaction from most people, would be..."Erm...No." The 'let's go for an amazing meal' thing kind of sucks you into paying for something that you - it seems - wouldn't dream of doing usually.

We're planning something similar, incidentally, with another couple who are crazy about food as we are. The table will probably cost close to £1000 when we're done, but it will be between 6 of us. I'm still struggling with £700 for two. It's too much.

BIt rambling, sorry!

I would get that money and go have a nice meal in Italy Unless you are really rich it is not worth it. My limit is 200 for a very special meal. The idea doesn't even attract me

Just typed up an update and iPad died 😡

Basically we are still undecided.

Once in a lifetime experience vs obscene amount of money for just a lunch.

PS I’m aware there are cheaper alternatives, but she has a specific place in mind which has more than 1 star.