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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About DP taking drugs at festival...

165 replies

Blaba · 02/07/2019 07:22

Hi all,

My DP got back from a 5 day festival last night and whilst chatting about how it was,he casually mentioned that he took LSD, acid and ecstasy.

For a bit of background,he lost his driving license 18 months go for driving under the influence and possession of drugs.

He is by no means an addict - he takes drugs when he parties basically. Which can be once every couple of months even.

We also have a 7 month old baby and an 8 year old DS.

AIBU to be angry and think that this is completely irresponsible and immature? I don't begrudge him going out etc,but I think that he has responsibilities and it's very dangerous.

I'm probably exhausted too,our baby is teething and I've been having sleepless nights whilst he's been off his face on drugs...

Thanks for any thoughts!

OP posts:
nellyfur · 02/07/2019 12:23

I think it's hypocritical to be so against drugs and not alcohol. If they all came into existence today, alcohol would be illegal. A lot of drugs are much safer than alcohol (pure MDMA for example).

I don't actually think there's anything horrifically wrong with taking drugs at a festival if it was a one off, the problem is that he's acting like a teenager and forgetting his responsibility.

I'd firstly advise you really look into the truth on drugs, I personally do not take them but I also try not to drink either. I don't like not being in control of myself, but drugs are given a bad rep for numerous reasons and when the true science behind them is understood it makes it hard to still have that opinion.

I think you need to have rules with him. He obviously likes to do drugs and I think you cannot control that behaviour. You decide if you put up with it, it seems to be a red line for you. You could compromise, i.e. you can only ever take drugs if you tell me beforehand and it's at an event like a festival, once a year or something.

I personally wouldn't want to stay with someone who did it if we had children.

IncandescentShadow · 02/07/2019 12:25

Loobyloo Taking drugs when you are away at a festival does not make someone a bad parent. Users on MN have a really bad habit of being melodramatic about drug users as can be seen on this thread

To be fair, its the fact he has a criminal record from his conviction for driving under the influence too.

Personally, I find the combination of wrinkles and drug taking particularly off-putting.

OP I guess people stay in relationships for different reasons. If I were you, I'd have a good think about what and who you're missing out on and what your partner will be like in 15 years time. My neighbour is a convicted drink driver, she is an alcoholic and has developed that unfortunate purple nose from drinking too much. She is also prone to pursuing people who accidentally turn into her driveway, screaming abuse. When she's sober, she tries to pretend she is a modicum of respectability. Her husband stays with her I guess because he is much older and I guess thinks who else would he get at that age. Hopefully you are not in that position because your partners sounds fairly unbearable.

Sciurus83 · 02/07/2019 12:26

Oh OP this sounds exhausting, bin the knobhead you've already got two kids to look after you dont need another one. I'm not anti drugs but I have a 7 month old baby and in your situation would be fuming. After the driving debacle he should be proving he's responsible not acting like a boring wreckhead with no responsibilities. Tiresome, get rid!

TheGrapefulDread · 02/07/2019 13:03

I’d record him as he is behaving now, and play it back every time he tells you it’s all your fault, challenges your child caring abilities etc.

PapayaCoconut · 02/07/2019 13:03

I think it's hypocritical to be so against drugs and not alcohol.

I don't know about you, but it's perfectly possible for most people to enjoy a single glass of wine or bottle of beer at dinnertime, a couple of times a month, without needing to get rat-arsed and binge out to the point where they have mental health effects like panic attacks and paranoia. Most other drugs simply aren't taken in such moderation. My ex used to do coke and the desperation for more when his share ran out (begging or stealing from his friends) was truly pathetic to see. He wasn't like that with alcohol at all.

Secondly - drugs are illegal. That's a fact and it doesn't really matter whether you think that's wrong or right. Knowingly committing a crime just so you can have a "fun" time is extremely irresponsible when you have dependants who will suffer the effects of you get a criminal record or lose your job as s result.

HoppingPavlova · 02/07/2019 13:28

I think it's hypocritical to be so against drugs and not alcohol

I’m against both of it makes you act like a dick, lose your license and not be able to fulfil your family responsibilities. Doesn’t make a difference whether it’s due to alcohol or drugs.

Bluerussian · 02/07/2019 13:32

Agree, HoppingPavlova.

babysharkah · 02/07/2019 13:36

@PapayaCoconut totally agree.

Original poster
Blaba · 02/07/2019 13:38

To clarify - we live in the same house,but have separate flats (he likes his own space).

He's had a go at me because he apparently had to look after our baby (for all of twenty minutes whilst I took a quick shower) after 'only having 5 hours sleep' I would absolutely love to have 5 hours uninterrupted sleep! This was also before I realised he was having a major comedown...

He's gone out now.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 02/07/2019 13:39

Agreeing with Papaya and Pavlova

TheCatThatDanced · 02/07/2019 14:03

Blaba - the more you post about your situation - living in different flats - well either you keep it like that and the parenting or not or you move out of one of the flats or he does.

He really isn't doing much parenting here is he?

Original poster
Blaba · 02/07/2019 16:17

His mum lives here too,in a flat next to his downstairs. I was so angry and upset earlier,I told her about it,but him and her are so tight,she had nothing to say.

Thanks - I'm done with this 'relationship' now - it's like having a third child.

OP posts:
TheCatThatDanced · 02/07/2019 16:21

Blaba - honestly - not sure how legally you're covered if you're not married (are you?)?

I'd ignore all the cool girls here who say it's fine for their DP/DH to take drugs at a festival. I find it really sad that men over a certain age indulge in drugs.

CheerfulChimp · 02/07/2019 16:51

From what you've explained it seems he's not yet ready to mature as he's shown that he doesn't learn from past mistakes. This is the behaviour of a foolish man.

SummerSix · 02/07/2019 23:46

He's a dick.

Dont let the kids grow up believing that drugs are ok.

malificent7 · 03/07/2019 00:28

Ive done approximately 14 Glastonbury's and only took drugs once; the first time when i was 16. Was so awful have steered clear since and had a better time as a result.
He sounds quite immature op...yanbu.

PregnantSea · 03/07/2019 01:06

I think taking acid and ecstasy at a festival is pretty normal, so long as you aren't caring for someone in that time. That alone wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

However from what you've said here this sounds like a much bigger problem. The fact he's been caught driving under the influence of drugs is absolutely appalling. I'd be disgusted at that and wouldn't feel I could trust him. He could have killed someone, and himself too. That sounds like someone who has a drug problem that needs to be urgently addressed. And he lost his licence too... Wow. This would be a huge problem for me.

Wildorchidz · 03/07/2019 07:26

Is he the father of your 8 year old?

Wildorchidz · 03/07/2019 07:26

And that child must have some idea of what’s going on...

IvanaPee · 03/07/2019 07:38

Hang on, do you, him, and his mum all live in separate flats in the same house? Confused

Tiredtessy · 03/07/2019 07:42

I wouldn’t be so bothered about the festival crap as long as I was off on a jolly to but the driving ban is a joke as well as his general behaviour! Sounds like he wants to upset and piss you off, dump him!x

AverageMummy · 03/07/2019 07:47

If he will take drugs ‘every couple of months’ & happily drive under the influence then he is extremely likely to be parenting under the influence at some point. I wouldn’t risk my children’s safety like that.

sevenoftwelve · 03/07/2019 07:51

What country are you in? America?

Mog6840 · 03/07/2019 08:05

For those saying they wouldn't have a problem with it at a festival... I have a friend who's brother died at a festival after taking ecstasy.
This man is a father. He has responsibilities and considering his recreational drug use has already badly affected his family I can totally understand why The OP would be extremely upset by this.
I hate drugs and in my opinion, their use should not be tolerated in any situation. They destroy lives!

Karwomannghia · 03/07/2019 08:10

Agree with others. He gets a family or can choose drugs but not both.

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