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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About DP taking drugs at festival...

165 replies

Blaba · 02/07/2019 07:22

Hi all,

My DP got back from a 5 day festival last night and whilst chatting about how it was,he casually mentioned that he took LSD, acid and ecstasy.

For a bit of background,he lost his driving license 18 months go for driving under the influence and possession of drugs.

He is by no means an addict - he takes drugs when he parties basically. Which can be once every couple of months even.

We also have a 7 month old baby and an 8 year old DS.

AIBU to be angry and think that this is completely irresponsible and immature? I don't begrudge him going out etc,but I think that he has responsibilities and it's very dangerous.

I'm probably exhausted too,our baby is teething and I've been having sleepless nights whilst he's been off his face on drugs...

Thanks for any thoughts!

OP posts:
Pinkwink · 02/07/2019 10:53

Sounds like someone forgot to grow up... It would be a complete dealbreaker for me but then I take a hardline approach to drugs in general.

Original poster
Blaba · 02/07/2019 10:58

Well yes, definitely a huge comedown. He's being an absolute prick. Calling me a psycho,saying I have a mental disorder because I'm vegan (?!) and going on about the 'state' of my flat,because it needs a paint job.

As for the having another child with him - I agree that I should've thought more about it,but my baby is absolutely gorgeous and I am 100% happy that he's here,I am his mum and give him everything that he needs.

OP posts:
Jocasta2018 · 02/07/2019 10:58

@Twisique
Beat me to it with your suggestion!

ShatnersWig · 02/07/2019 11:01

So what are you actually going to DO Blaba?

HoppingPavlova · 02/07/2019 11:03

I wouldnt be annoyed as long as he didnt impose his bloody comedown on me or expect me to pick up the slack.

Well, I would think that with a 7mo and 8yo, losing his license has caused OP to have to pick up the slack and more. So not a case of no harm done. I would be ropable and don’t know if I could come back from that.

Butterflyone1 · 02/07/2019 11:10

I'm afraid to say this but you need to give him an ultimatum, the drugs or your relationship.

My ex used to take drugs, same as your DP only when he 'partied' but I got to the point where I didn't want to be involved with a druggy. He managed to kick the habit but even just taking coke maybe one every month or two, he still ended up in A&E due to withdrawals (he thought he was having a heart attack, he was 27!).

Having a family and taking drugs is completely reckless.

kateandme · 02/07/2019 11:15

god this is awful.and these are very dangerous drugs at the moment.just yesterday there was a lad died of an exticy tablet going round the news that is 3 times stronger than normal ones!
the drug market is so dangerous in current climate.they are lacing it with all kinds of shit.

AmericasAss · 02/07/2019 11:17

I dont anyone would expect you to regret your child. And it's great you give the children all they need

But you also should think about what they dont need. And they dont need to be around him.

loubieloulou · 02/07/2019 11:26

Re the crying lol 😭 fuck sake cry me a river! It's the 'comedown' after his days long bender & 100% serves him right! He will probably be starting with the druggy induced panic attacks soon too as the worst thing to come to after a bender is grief from someone & not even mentioning having to deal with the kids.

He will be feeling totally horrific & it serves him right.

Drugs nowadays are nothing like the old days, not that I'm condoning it. Today's era they are mixed with all sorts of dangerous shit - they probably was also back in the day but now there are a lot more reports of dangerous batches & folk dying & stuff.

Let's hope he learns from this.

I would just leave him to cry if it was me & he wouldn't get any sympathy what so ever.

MadameGazelleIsMyHomegirl · 02/07/2019 11:33

I know a whole bunch of parents of young kids who regularly use cocaine. They even do it in the house with the kids asleep upstairs. They are all - every single one of them - narcissistic dickheads.

user27495824 · 02/07/2019 11:52

I don't see a problem with someone taking acid or MDMA at a festival. Pretty standard behaviour for an adult going to a festival with no kids. However, I do see an issue with him going on his own. Why didn't you all go as a family? We take the kids to several festivals a year, it would be really selfish if we wanted to go solo. We both used to take recreational drugs and it's of a taboo in my social circles, but it all stopped after children because it costs too much money and we simply don't have the luxury of child free time to cope with a comedown. He's just expecting you to take over while he recovers and that's really shitty.

EKGEMS · 02/07/2019 12:02

"I can give my baby everything he needs" except you aren't giving him a father that's mature and takes his responsibilities seriously

Skyejuly · 02/07/2019 12:03

I left my ex partly for this reason as it wasnt a lifestyle I wanted to live.

WolfInSlutsClothing · 02/07/2019 12:04

except you aren't giving him a father that's mature and takes his responsibilities seriously

Oh give over its not her job to make him be a father. She can stay or leave thats up to her but that statement is bloody stupid. Would you say that to a man? That hes not giving his child a good enough mother?

Bluerussian · 02/07/2019 12:06

Your partner is quite immature, if he was twenty his behaviour might be more understandable but he is, presumably, older than that and he's a dad!

Someone needs to give him a good talking to. What was he doing going off to a festival for five days and leaving you with a young baby? One day and night would have been OK but not five days.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 02/07/2019 12:07

A friend of mine died from taking ecstasy and left behind 2 young DDs. Not the first time he took it he just took abit too much, he was 24.
I dont think its worth the risk of leaving your kids without a parent for the sake of a "Good time"
YANBU.

TurquoiseAndPurple · 02/07/2019 12:08

Lol yep he's definitely going through suicide Tuesday OP. He's experiencing a depletion of serotonin in his noggin. He'll be alright again by the end of the week. Not what you wanna hear but that's what's happening.

Original poster
Blaba · 02/07/2019 12:11

Well I've completely had enough. This was the icing on the cake tbh. He's selfish, immature and irresponsible.

The past 5 days have been utterly exhausting and I haven't stopped... cooking, cleaning, feeding,school run, comforting/playing with baby...and he wants emotional support for his comedown?!

I don't like him. I have nothing in common with him. And his behaviour is appalling.

Thanks for your advice.

OP posts:
Ellabella989 · 02/07/2019 12:12

My partner does LSD and magic mushrooms once a year when he goes to a hippy festival with his mates. Drives me insane but as it’s just once a year I try to grit my teeth and leave him be. I certainly wouldn’t be ok with it if we had a young baby at home though, your DP sounds like a bit of a twat

TheCatThatDanced · 02/07/2019 12:13

I've got a male friend who I knew as a teenager, we recently chatted on FB - it's fine, DH is cool with it...

Anyway, this guy back then went to raves etc as most of us did and did shit loads of drugs. He recently went to the stag/hen party of his sister and her fiance at their house, had 2 Ecstasy tablets, coke and drank a lot. He rarely drinks.

Do I think that's bad? Yes in a way. No, because he obviously had fun. He's a bus driver so ensured he had holiday to cover the 'come down' but could be fired if still in his system.

OP - to be honest I think your DH is enjoying the risk element and the Peter Pan element.

One of my SO's in my late 20's regularly smoked weed, did the odd ecstasy tablet and lots of coke. He was 2 years younger, he also cheated on me the once I know about... He's now married and I hope (but doubt it) that he's good re drugs etc. But I know him and his mates would do drugs if they could get away with it. And cheat.

babysharkah · 02/07/2019 12:14

I'm pretty lax, go to a festival, do what you want, but that is way over the top when he has kids. I'd be livid. The fact he lost his licence suggests a bigger problem.

He's taking his comedown out on you and quite frankly needs to grow up.

Are you ok?

TheCatThatDanced · 02/07/2019 12:15

OP - divorce him then.

Do you want to be the one who has the DH with 'heart problems'?

All very funny when Mickey Flanagan does the out out paramedic scene with coke but not so funny and actually very sad when 30/40 year old men and women with drug problems and/or not with families have drug habits.

Seen too many casualties of casual drug taking myself to let it lie.

StarJumpsandaHalf · 02/07/2019 12:16

Not nice to give the OP a kicking when she’s down 🙁

@Blaba it sounds like you’ve got multiple problems and need to clear your head and get some support. You say it’s better when he’s not there and you refer to ‘my flat’ Can you clarify the living situation please.

Usernumbers1234 · 02/07/2019 12:20

Lol at the people giving advice on drugs but also thinking that LSD and acid are different things.

I’m not saying that to be big and clever, it’s not, I don’t and have never taken them. But for goodness sake, if you don’t actually know what you are talking about, why not go an read up on it instead of giving advice on something you are clueless about

Bourbonbiccy · 02/07/2019 12:22

@Blaba did you know he took recreational drugs when you started dating him ?

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