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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About DP taking drugs at festival...

165 replies

Blaba · 02/07/2019 07:22

Hi all,

My DP got back from a 5 day festival last night and whilst chatting about how it was,he casually mentioned that he took LSD, acid and ecstasy.

For a bit of background,he lost his driving license 18 months go for driving under the influence and possession of drugs.

He is by no means an addict - he takes drugs when he parties basically. Which can be once every couple of months even.

We also have a 7 month old baby and an 8 year old DS.

AIBU to be angry and think that this is completely irresponsible and immature? I don't begrudge him going out etc,but I think that he has responsibilities and it's very dangerous.

I'm probably exhausted too,our baby is teething and I've been having sleepless nights whilst he's been off his face on drugs...

Thanks for any thoughts!

OP posts:

museumum · 02/07/2019 07:45

Away at a five day festival is probably the best time to take drugs if he’s going to. No chance of him driving, he’s not coming home to you and the baby and you don’t have to see him high or coming down.

I would have zero tolerance for my dh taking anything then coming home to the family home but if he was away for five days I’d consider it his choice.

Original poster

Blaba · 02/07/2019 07:57

His job involves him travelling a lot,all over the world,and is well-paid. He's had to turn down some work due to not having a license - but he got it back about two weeks ago,after having to pay a small fortune and go to self help groups and pay hundreds for a psychological evaluation.

He didn't drive home,no. And after he lost his license,he didn't take anything - he had to give hair samples every few months. Hence why I thought that this behaviour was behind him,we had a baby etc.

But I think that he just stopped with the drug taking in order to get his license back.

Just can't believe he did it - also,not sure if relevant or not,but his sister is currently in Rehab and has lost her two children due to drug addiction.

OP posts:

AmericasAss · 02/07/2019 07:59

Did he promise to never do it again?

Were you pregnant when he was arrested?

Original poster

Blaba · 02/07/2019 08:01

No and no :)

OP posts:

Medievalist · 02/07/2019 08:01

his sister is currently in Rehab and has lost her two children due to drug addiction.

And he doesn't see a problem with taking drugs? Is this for real?!!

81Byerley · 02/07/2019 08:02

You have two children who will be influenced by this selfish idiot. Is this what you want for them? If you were my daughter I'd be advising you to leave him.

cantfindname · 02/07/2019 08:02

I am amazed at the number of posters who seem to think this is ok behaviour as he 'was at a festival'

Drug taking is never ok. Never

I have seen some of the results of it at close hand and it destroys families, and, ultimately, the user.

OP I have no magic answers for you but agree with the way you view this. I think, if it were my OH, that would be the end for me.

BogglesGoggles · 02/07/2019 08:02

As a teenager I worked fesitivals. I had a right shock when I walked past a tent with a dead 17 tear old on the way back to my tent one night. It turns out she’d overdosed on drugs she’d bought at the festival. They told her it was coke but it was actually a mix of special k and some other rubbish. Festivals are not a safe place to buy or use drugs, no matter how well prepared the staff are. Chances are you’ll be dead by the time someone bothers to get them.

ShatnersWig · 02/07/2019 08:03

I was absolutely livid about the driving drugs thing - the absolute stupidity of it and the fact he could've killed someone - and yes,it affected his job and he had to pay thousands in fines etc.

Yet a month or two after this you got pregnant with him.

Not sure it's just him who has problems with responsibility and making adult choices.

AmericasAss · 02/07/2019 08:04

OP, honestly. If he never promised to not do them ever again, why would you have a baby with him then complain about what he was doing?

Some people are ok with their partners doing drugs occassionally. As this thread shows.

You are not and apparantly hate drugs, but had a baby with him knowing he was going to do it again.

Now you are complaining he has done it again.

Stillstrawberrywater · 02/07/2019 08:06

LSD and acid are quite full on. I'd not be happy if I were with someone taking that stuff. Ecstasy, coke and weed I'm not too bothered with someone taking once in a while though.

LetsPlayDarts · 02/07/2019 08:07

Complete deal breaker for me. There would be no coming back from this.

jaseyraex · 02/07/2019 08:10

OP, you're either okay with him using drugs recreationally or you're not. He isn't going to change. If that wasn't obvious to you before, it should be now. You can be angry and disappointed all you want but it's not going to stop him. He would be out on his arse if he was my DP.

Twisique · 02/07/2019 08:11

Get some good life insurance for him.

Original poster

Blaba · 02/07/2019 08:12

Ok so I guess the general consensus is that I shouldn't have had a baby with him - thanks.

OP posts:

araiwa · 02/07/2019 08:13

Sounds like he had a great time

yes, envy

AmericasAss · 02/07/2019 08:20

No I think the general consensus is that if you choose to remain with a man who recreationally takes drugs and has no intention of stopping and you stay with him, then you cant really be surprised when he takes recreational drugs.

If you hate drugs and that's you line in the sand. Then, you should have left. You should have stuck by your boundaries.

If you really dont want him doing it again, speak to him. If he refuses to give them up, you have 2 choices.

Accept it

Leave

Alsohuman · 02/07/2019 08:21

I’m with @museumum. I was young in the 70s in a social scene where joints were the norm rather than drink and acid was a frequent weekend thing. Neither acid nor ecstasy are addictive. To be honest, if I were you OP, I’d have rather expected this to happen at a five day festival. I’m quite surprised you’re so shocked.

ShatnersWig · 02/07/2019 08:23

Blaba What do you expect us to say? You were livid about him taking drugs and driving, but you chose to stay with him. You chose to have another baby with him not only knowing he likes to take drugs every few months but with the full and very recent knowledge he risked his life and that of others by driving under the influence. He could have been arrested and thrown in jail or worse killed, leaving you a single mother (at that time) and potentially leaving you in financial difficulties. He lost his licence which caused difficulties with his work and has cost a lot of money than you could have spent on your family.

Yet now you're angry and think his irresponsible. THIS IS WHO HE IS! This isn't new information, you KNEW he was like this and long ago. But apparently it didn't matter then. Now, for some reason, you've decided it does.

Good, you should kick the manchild out but you should have done it long ago as he clearly cares more about himself than you and his children.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 02/07/2019 08:26

Drugs are an absolute firm dealbreaker for me. Everyone feels differently and that's fine, but for someone so anti-drugs you seem reluctant to admit that he's an addict. When it begins to fuck up your life, you're an addict. When you're paying fines and for psych tests, you're an addict. When you can't go to a festival and have a good time without the drugs, you're an addict. After such a catastrophic dalliance with drugs last time you'd have hoped he'd sorted his head out and learned a valuable lesson. Apparently not.

OP, you now have to make a choice; you know he's not going to give up drugs for you, for your child or for himself. So will you raise a child in the same house as a drug addict or will you break that cycle?

Snappedandfarted2019 · 02/07/2019 08:26

I think the problem is it isnt just at a festival hes doing drugs and driving he lose his license due to drink and drugs how he got that back is an utter disgrace and clearly not in the best interest of the public. It sounds as if it's on an going problem and doing 5 day benders isnt going to help hes suppose to be a family man not a young life with no ties.

NoSquirrels · 02/07/2019 08:27

I would have zero tolerance for my dh taking anything then coming home to the family home but if he was away for five days I’d consider it his choice.

I agree with museumum generally speaking but in your DP’s case, with the fact he’s only recently got his license back in the last few weeks, that his drug-taking has already impacted the family significantly- lost work, extra costs, the driving burden all on you - and that his sister is an addict I would be pretty fucking livid, actually.

You say though that you assumed he’d stopped - did you ever have a line-in-the-sand conversation at any point?

araiwa · 02/07/2019 08:33

Taking drugs occasionally does not make them an addict ffs

Im gonna have a couple of beers at the pub tonight. Does that make me an alcoholic? Hint- no

The number of recreational users who have completely fuss free experiences is really high. For every person that died, theres thousands every weekend who enjoy it and carry on with their lives after

MonstranceClock · 02/07/2019 08:35

You don't have to be mega rich to go to a festival and do drugs, don't know why people are going on about how he can afford it. I managed it on a student income.

Recreational drug use wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but if it is for you, you have some decisions to make.

IDontGiveABagOfDicks · 02/07/2019 08:35

Actually I’d say he is an addict. Despite losing his licence and everything that came with that, he chose to take drugs again. And it sounds like as soon as he wasn’t having to give hair samples any more, he was straight back on the drugs.

Leave. Now.

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