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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About DP taking drugs at festival...

165 replies

Blaba · 02/07/2019 07:22

Hi all,

My DP got back from a 5 day festival last night and whilst chatting about how it was,he casually mentioned that he took LSD, acid and ecstasy.

For a bit of background,he lost his driving license 18 months go for driving under the influence and possession of drugs.

He is by no means an addict - he takes drugs when he parties basically. Which can be once every couple of months even.

We also have a 7 month old baby and an 8 year old DS.

AIBU to be angry and think that this is completely irresponsible and immature? I don't begrudge him going out etc,but I think that he has responsibilities and it's very dangerous.

I'm probably exhausted too,our baby is teething and I've been having sleepless nights whilst he's been off his face on drugs...

Thanks for any thoughts!

OP posts:
lilybetsy · 02/07/2019 09:53

And i ended my marriage to a compulsive weed smoker - like you I thought he would 'grow up' once he had kids. he didn't.

Sparadrap · 02/07/2019 09:53

It’s the whole combination of things that is the issue. Losing his license, his sister in rehab, him going on a bender the moment he gets his license back. And you preferring him not to be there with you.

I’m not sure what you are wanting us to say to you other than the obvious?

Original poster
Blaba · 02/07/2019 09:59

Quick update - his behaviour is completely weird. He's been crying this morning,not knowing why. Then had a go at me for not supporting him emotionally...?! Then told me that he wants to break up with me...

Wtf.

OP posts:
Coop14 · 02/07/2019 10:00

Your dp is very immature and irresponsible sounds like a right dick esp you have kids! Why do you stay with him 😢

PeoniesarePink · 02/07/2019 10:06

Imagine having to sit down one day and tell both of your children that Daddy took something bad and isn't coming home.

When you've got dependents, taking any drug is reckless and selfish. I honestly couldn't bear to be in a relationship with someone that I ultimately couldn't trust to think of his kids let alone me.

I'd say time to cut and run - you can't stop him taking drugs but you can stop the impact it has on your life. He's obviously now on a downer...........

KittyWindbag · 02/07/2019 10:08

I’m not hardline about some types of drugs. But he needs to grow the fuck up.

He’s a parent. We could all go and get smashed and forget our responsibilities for five days if we wanted to. The fact is we don’t because when you have a partner and kids life is not just about you any more.

He’s setting a poor example to his kids, he’ll never ever be able to lecture them about the dangers of drug use while he continues to use.

I find it pathetic he goes off and does this and leaves you literally holding the baby. Selfish man child. He wants to break up with you? Good. Go for your life. Good luck getting any visitation.

AmericasAss · 02/07/2019 10:08

He is suffering after effects of 5 days of drugs.

This relationship isnt great. You know it's not.

Personally, I would take him at his word and confirm the relationship is over.

You dont need this shit.

jamoncrumpets · 02/07/2019 10:09

He's coming down from his bender. Gross.

Stillstrawberrywater · 02/07/2019 10:09

OP - I would just tell him straight up to snap out of it, stop feeling sorry for himself or he will lose you and his child. Simple as. He needs to grow the fuck up and sort himself out. If he can't take responsibility for his actions then I would show him the door.

Does his mum know he takes all these drugs? I would be fuming if I had a grown up son dabbling in these sort of drugs.

MissRhubarb · 02/07/2019 10:10

Was he drunk behind the wheel when he had his license taken away? For me drink driving is a deal breaker, especially after a friend lost her DD to a drink driver. I just have zero tolerance for it - no excuses whatsoever under any circumstances.

I think that I'd be ok with the drug taking at a festival. Basically I don't want it anywhere near my family life, so recreational use outside of that - maybe ok. Oh, I've just seen your update. Well, he IS bringing it into your home life now so feck that. I think you need to consider what your boundaries are, set down some rules and stick to them. At the moment you're just enabling him to carry on his lifestyle with no repercussions.

Seniorschoolmum · 02/07/2019 10:10

That would be a deal breaker for me too. What happens when your dc is a toddler and your dp leaves his stuff lying around

ShatnersWig · 02/07/2019 10:12

MissRhubarb The OP is very clear - he was driving under influence of drugs not alcohol.

OP This is a reaction to all the drugs he took. You want this sort of guy around your kids? You want your 8 year-old to see daddy like this? You know what you have to do.

WolfInSlutsClothing · 02/07/2019 10:13

Hes crying because hes on a come down. How did you feel when he said he wanted to break up with you? Your reaction to it will most likely let you know if you want to continue the relationship.

SallyWD · 02/07/2019 10:13

I ended up in hospital and had a nervous breakdown after taking LSD as a teenager . I wouldn't dream of doing it now I have kids.

Mylittlepony374 · 02/07/2019 10:18

He's coming down from all the drugs. That's why he's crying/ being weird. Come downs are fucking horrific. Not that I feel one bit sorry for him. He chose to do the drugs, tell him to buck the fuck up and deal with it, or leave.

FWIW I've taken every drug I know of excepting heroin. I partied hard. That stopped the minute I got pregnant. Why? Because I can't stand he thought of someone telling my babies I died from an accidental overdose. My husband however would continue to take them at festivals/concerts etc. Do I like it, no, but he's an adult so I think that's his decision to make.

Your relationship sounds a bit rocky though outside of the drugs issue -you find it easier when he's not there etc- so maybe that's the place to start considering what your future looks like with or without him.

goingonabearhunt1 · 02/07/2019 10:26

If my partner occasionally partied (esp at a festival) it wouldn't bother me but I would say he has a bigger problem (driving under the influence etc.) as it sounds like it's more out of control. Also, he shouldn't be acting like a 20 year old student now that he has a kid as it's not fair on you having to always be the responsible one.

Justaboy · 02/07/2019 10:30

March him off to his GP and seek help for him and if he doesn't accept help and co operate, then its off on yer own mate!

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/07/2019 10:34

And you had not one child but two with this man? Why...?

Kintan · 02/07/2019 10:36

I wouldn't be upset about the drugs if it they are not a regular occurrence. I would be massively pissed off he went on a five day binge while you are at home with two small children though.

Branleuse · 02/07/2019 10:36

ahh the ol "suicide tuesday" after a weekend of E.

What did he even expect?

Morgan12 · 02/07/2019 10:40

Ooft. Sounds like he is having a bad come down. But he should have expected that after everything he took!

What drugs had he taken when he drove and got banned?

The drugs he took at the festival aren't really recreational weekend drugs iykwim. That's usually coke and maybe an E but not acid etc.

TwiceAsNice22 · 02/07/2019 10:40

What do you think he would do if you have him an ultimatum? It sounds like you have avoided having a hard conversation after he lost his license and just assumed he would change his ways.

I think you need to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you. It would be for me. It doesn’t sound like you are happy with how things are and just avoiding dealing with it won’t make it go away. Also I don’t think you are to blame, he’s making a choice. I think it’s probably been easier to sweep it under the rug because it’s been “recreational use”, but it’s gone past that now as it’s negatively impacting all of your lives. It’s a shame he didn’t change his ways after such a big wake up call.

I also think you should tell someone what is going on. Imagine if you separate and he’s got the kids on his own after a bender? I would be documenting it with your GP or health nurse. And if you separate have very strict rules about visitation.

Snowy81 · 02/07/2019 10:41

He’s on a massive come down that’s why.
I don’t know why you are with him, he sounds like a selfish, immature prick. Sorry🤷🏻‍♀️

TurquoiseAndPurple · 02/07/2019 10:51

@Blaba LSD and acid are the same thing. And it's not possible to take twice effectively within a 72 hour period. The effects would have been much weaker the second time around.

I understand why your worried. My only worry if my DP did this would be that he would be sold something dodgy rather than the real thing. But if he came home fine, albeit a little groggy I wouldn't be annoyed about it. If I agreed to him going to a 5 day festival I'd expect him to be out of sorts for a week no matter what. They're not exactly a relaxing holiday!!!

loobyloo1234 · 02/07/2019 10:53

Taking drugs when you are away at a festival does not make someone a bad parent. Users on MN have a really bad habit of being melodramatic about drug users as can be seen on this thread

HOWEVER, coming back, and then being snappy aswell as riding a massive comedown = makes you a bad parent

If he was in any way a responsible adult, he'd have done the drugs, come home and returned to normality

You need to have a serious think about what you want from him as a parent OP. The crying on a comedown is pathetic and he really needs to grow up