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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask adult to move seat for toddler

530 replies

Topsecretidentity · 01/07/2019 23:05

Family bbq. Table prepped and my 2 year old DD sits next to my seat so I put her plastic plate there. After a short while, DD gets up to play for 10 mins. We're all called to table as food ready. DB sits by me in the seat previously chosen by DD. DD gets to the table and demands her seat back from DB and according to DB gives him an "evil glare". I know DD is about to throw a tantrum so I ask DB if she can have her seat back. DB argues it's not her seat and he's not getting up for a spoilt child. Eventually he gets up after a big row.

Later he tells me that my parenting is bad and I'm pandering to DDs tantrums. I try to explain that choosing my battles when DD is about to tantrum at an adult bbq is not pandering but keeping the peace. DB says I'm defensive about my parenting and should accept my errors as I've allowed my 2 year old to develop a "tantrumming personality".

I know this is so childish but I'm upset at the criticism. Not sure if this is relevant but DB has no children and my child is his only experience of toddlers.

So question is, WIBU to ask DB to move out of the seat DD had chosen earlier? Or should I have moved DDs plate to another seat and just accepted the ensuing tantrum?

OP posts:
Owlchemist · 02/07/2019 12:26

Who would want to eject a 2 year old form her seat next to her mum at a family meal? So mean!

A cunt basically

Tavannach · 02/07/2019 12:33

He can't abide rude children I imagine.

She's 2. An infant, not a child.

missyB1 · 02/07/2019 12:42

Who would want to eject a two year old from her seat

err... nobody ejected her at all! Did you read the OP? She had gone off to play! She could have asked politely if she could sit back down in the same seat. And there was even another seat right next to her mum.

Kanga83 · 02/07/2019 12:45

It's your DB that was the tantruming toddler here expected to be pandered too- however I don't know why when he sat down you didn't just say 'dd's sitting here'.

brotown · 02/07/2019 12:54

Does he have children?
Sorry if I've missed that

Nonnymum · 02/07/2019 13:02

Your brother sounds like the unreasonable one and not a very nice uncle either

KatherineJaneway · 02/07/2019 13:11

She's 2. An infant, not a child.

Still was rude though whatever you classify her age as.

PhillipeFellope · 02/07/2019 13:14

Sounds like your brother was setting you up so he could have a pop about your parenting.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 02/07/2019 13:17

DB could have just told her if she asks nicely, he'll move to the other seat? She's only 2.

IsoscelesSandwich · 02/07/2019 13:18

Possession is a big thing when you’re two. It was HER seat, he should have sat elsewhere.

missyB1 · 02/07/2019 13:25

possession is a big thing when you're two
Yes but that doesn't always have to be indulged or encouraged.

it was HER seat
No it wasn't, they were at someone else's house from what i can make out, the seats were for anyone, and she had abandoned it to go off and play. Granted she may have thought it was hers but it really wasn't.

derxa · 02/07/2019 13:26

You need to help your child with her way of talking to others. It's a skill which will help her throughout life.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 02/07/2019 13:29

I absolutely refuse to pander to a two year olds tantrum but I will also not pander to an adult's like your brother. It makes perfect sense not to take a child's seat. It's rude whether it's a child's or an adult's seat. Also, kids need to be seated next to their parents or who else is going to watch them.

Tell you DB to sod off. It was your daughters seat first and he's being childish.

And stop pandering to a toddler in case they tantrum. Tantrumming is not and has never been tolerated in my house and my kids are much happier for it.

Beautiful3 · 02/07/2019 13:32

I would assume that a 2 year old would need to sit next to a parent. Your brother should have moved straight away. But it's worth taking with dd, about how to ask for things in a nice way e.g. "excuse me uncle x, you're sitting in my seat. Please can I sit there?" Mind you shes only 2, so still very little.

CassianAndor · 02/07/2019 13:40

The 2 year old could have sat next to her mother - on the other side. She needs to learn that if you get up and wander off, especially at something informal like a bbq, you lose your seat.

OP - your father wasn't authoritarian, he was abusive.

Mummyshark2019 · 02/07/2019 13:43

That was your daughter's seat. He was being unreasonable.

bingbongnoise · 02/07/2019 13:44

@Iliterallycantthinkofanythingq

I fucking hate adults who treat children with this sort of disrespect. My thoughts always are "would I do this to an adult?" And if the answer is no then it's not okay to do to a child either! That's pretty simple. Would he have been an obnoxious prick who refused to move if he sat in an adults chair, or would he have politely apologised and moved quickly?

I'm guessing the latter (unless he's even more of a dickhead than he already seems) and so it's ridiculous that he wouldn't do it for a child. I think adults like this are ultimately cowards - they respect adults because they have to, and fear the repurcussions, but think they can treat children with a total lack of respect because they can blame the parents for any reaction the child has angry (I'm hormonal and I think this has annoyed me an irrational amount!

I'm really mad about this even though it involves me in no way. I'm even a bit annoyed with my brother imagining that it was me, my toddler and him in this situation. Should stop reading AIBU while pregnant and hormonal! Grin

This. I am sick of people who think children are lesser human beings than adults. These are the same A-holes who think a child should sit on a parent's lap (probably the mother's,) so they can have the seat, even though the child's seat has been paid for. And who think nothing of talking over children, and disregard anything they say or think.

The OP's brother sounds like a prize twat, and he would have got a short shrift from me if he had treated any of my children in this manner.

And yes it IS important that little girls learn that they don't have to take an order from a MAN. Women have to put up with enough fucking shit in life as it is, without teaching them at a young age that 'uncle git's needs trump your needs honey... Now be a good little female and let the man have the seat.'

Fuck that shit! Hmm

BarbarianMum · 02/07/2019 13:49

Except that it wasn't actually her seat. It was an empty seat that she had previously sat in then abandoned.

Your righteousness indignation would be spot on if she was sat down and he'd expected her to move because he had been sitting their earlier.

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 02/07/2019 13:49

It’s not U to feel that a 2yo should sit with her mum during a meal. However, I know she’s only 2, but I would not allow a child of mine to speak to anyone rudely and demand things. You should have encouraged her to ask your brother nicely if she could have her seat back. Perhaps brother would have gone along with it if she had asked politely. If not, he is an arsehole and then you have licence to something passive aggressive about how it’s a shame uncle couldn’t be helpful even though you asked so nicely.

BarbarianMum · 02/07/2019 13:50

there

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 02/07/2019 13:51

Also, it’s not clear if brother knew she had been sitting there. Some responses on here read as if he shoved her off the chair next to her mummy!

Peanutbutterforever · 02/07/2019 14:10

Kid was rude. No big deal, teach her not to be.

missyB1 · 02/07/2019 14:14

and yes it is important that little girls learn that they don’t have to take orders from a man
Oh you got the wrong end of the stick, it was the child who ordered the man around in the OP. She came along and demanded he move.

And at some point this child may have a male teacher whom she might well have to follow orders from. I have a male boss, I don’t disrespect his orders because he’s male and I want to make a song and dance about it. Hmm

Alsohuman · 02/07/2019 14:28

Sending a young child to their room is cruel? Seriously?

Lweji · 02/07/2019 14:28

I'm Grin and Shock by people who expect higher standards of behaviour from a 2 year old than a grown man.

As an adult and an uncle all he had to say was "sorry, didn't notice it was your seat, but you should be polite and I'll move if you repeat it with please and say thank you"

As it was, he's an arse and probably knew full well he was taking a young child's seat.