WIBU - man in women's changing rooms (NOT A TRANS THREAD)

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This occurred earlier today and I have been stewing since. I am aware that it is very trivial.

I took DS (nearly one) to a baby swim class earlier. It wasn't our usual one as that was cancelled due to another baby pooing in the pool and so they offered us this one as a replacement class.

Today, after the class, a man with two little girls (I would say aged 8 and 10-ish - they were both wearing brownie uniforms so - IRC from my own brownie days - I guess that pins it down to upper primary?) WALKED INTO THE WOMEN'S CHANGING ROOM, just as I was finishing dressing and pulling my top over my head. The changing rooms are completely communal with no cubicles (the pool is a school one) and moments earlier I had been topless. I was quite taken aback by his presence.

I said, 'This is the women's!', he said 'I have to come in with them, they can't go in the men's', I said 'I was getting changed!', he said 'can't you go in the loo?'. Now, at this point I fully intended to explain eloquently and convincingly that I could hardly let DS crawl all around the loo floor while I got dressed, but what I actually did was get flustered, point to DS and say 'on the floor!', which I think confused matters as he was indeed, at that point, on the changing room floor and I think the man thought I had just begun saying things at random. So I left with all the dignity I could muster (not much, given that I'd just babbled incoherently at a stranger who had seen me in my bra).

ANYWAY, I was in the right, wasn't I? My sense of when children can do things isn't great, but you can send two brownie-aged ones to get changed, can't you? And if you can't then a man wandering into the women's changing room can't be the answer, can it?!

NB. I am a bit worried that this title will set off a klaxon somewhere so PLEASE don't turn this into a trans thread - it is nothing to do with that

daisydoooo

I think when private places are open to the public that they do have to comply with the EA wherever possible, so a listed building isn't required to have a lift but I can't see how providing a separate changing room is unreasonable.

We held a public event at a school once and had to hire a wheelchair accessible port a loo for the day because the available toilets weren't suitable. We couldn't just say that it's a school and not usually used like this so don't come if the facilities aren't suitable for you.

Mummyoflittledragon

I don't think he was in the right at all. But I don't think it's right for service providers to refuse to consider that children aren't all capable of the exact same things.

Some 8 year olds, even without additional needs, just won't be capable of managing independently. I don't think it's outrageous to expect companies to accommodate these children.

For the record the swim school have just replied saying they're sorry that happened, that it wasn't acceptable and that they'll send out an email to all parents about it.

Decomposing
I understand what you are saying. However unfortunately this isn’t always possible and op said there would be no room to create a mixed changing space. Newer and better facilities exist, which meet a range of needs. Op says classes are offered at various locations. Perhaps people in this situation are able to consider going to those. I do appreciate that isn’t always the case.

Good!!

Good, hopefully he will get it through his thick skull now how inappropriate he was.

Ridiculous and shocking behaviour from him. What a bully.

At the very least he should have told his girls to go in there first to see if it was empty. I think it should have been fine for them to go in without him with him waiting outside within ear shot.

If it has been the other way round and I had two boys of the same age that's what I would have done I think, I wouldn't take boys that old into a female changing room, but wouldn't dream of going into the men's!

Of course he’s in the wrong. I reckon he’s a fucking chancer and gets off on it - having children doesn’t stop you being a pervert and predator, in fact it’s given him a very convenient excuse.

I agree Hermione

Op says classes are offered at various locations. Perhaps people in this situation are able to consider going to those. I do appreciate that isn’t always the case.

Yet in this case the OP was at this pool because her usual pool was closed and so they were sent to this one - so a choice of venue isn't always possible is it?

As I said before I was given a space to change a severely disabled child in a swimming pool running a club like this one. It was a changing room for staff, but could be used when there was a real need.
This may exist here. Too many parents though want to supervise kids changing because they take too long. The pool I used would not make this space available because of that. It was for kids older than 7 who could not manage to get changed themselves however long they had or however simple the clothing they wore.
Generally children by the time they are 8 should be able to dress and undress themselves. So they do not need a parent there. You may want to be there, but a want is different from a need.

For the record the swim school have just replied saying they're sorry that happened, that it wasn't acceptable and that they'll send out an email to all parents about it.

Great!
Well done OP.

And ban the idiot man?

This guy could've avoided the issue by talking to the management at the pool and asking what arrangements could be made for him and other fathers in his situation.

Instead, he just assumed it was okay to march into the women's space, and furthermore he asserted himself over a woman when challenged.

This guy could've avoided the issue by talking to the management at the pool and asking what arrangements could be made for him and other fathers in his situation

Indeed. But I’d imagine it’s exactly the same as for mothers in that situation. Which is usually this - when boys are young, mothers take them into the women’s changing room. When boys are older, they go into the men’s.

Somehow mothers have been managing this for a century without barging into the men’s. With no special arrangements. And no “ look at me I’m parenting. Everyone pay attention to MEEEEEE”.

An 8 and 10 year old are more than capable of changing themselves in the womens changing room!! What was he thinking? Sounds like a perve

You are right, he shouldn't have come in

Glad the pool are responding pretty well.

I wasn't quite sure on the timelines with changes of venue, but just wanted to mention that you said you're often last out by a fair bit - if this guy has been taking his daughters swimming at a similar time, perhaps he noticed that you're alone in there? Don't want to frighten you, just that I think your instincts that this was completely inappropriate are spot on - trust them!
What a dick.

Somehow mothers have been managing this for a century without barging into the men’s. With no special arrangements

I don't agree with this - there are posters on here saying they've seen the same with mums going into the men's and there have been other threads about it in the past. It does seem to be a thing that both mums and dads do.

I would have (and indeed have in the past when it happened to me) gone ape shit.

He had absolutely no right to go into the women’s changing rooms.

If he absolutely cannot send the girls into the women’s by themselves or go into the mens, you put a onesie on them poolside and take them straight home