To be irritated by this?

[woodlock75]

DS is in reception, he's my eldest so not had much experience of teachers/school etiquette prior to him starting school back in September.

His teacher always does a little news letter at the end of the week detailing what the class have learnt this week, achievements, reminders etc etc. On Friday, the newsletter included the usual but had a note at the end saying:

'If you're planning on buying me a gift for the end of term, I would prefer white wine over red and I'm not a massive fan of dark chocolate. Thanks in advance!'

DH and I were a bit gobsmacked and think it's really rude?!?! Is this normal for teachers to do?? Other parents thought it was odd too. I was planning on getting her a gift anyway but now I feel a bit irritated by the newsletter addition and don't want to.

Oh that’s so rude!

Very presumptuous

I think it's a fair thing to write. Better than you wasting your money on something she didn't like.

On the one hand I do think it's cheeky but actually it's also very practical. Imagine receiving 20 bottles of red wine if you don't like it. The teacher presumably knows she'll receive lots of gifts at the end of the year and doesn't want people to waste their money on things she's doesn't like.

That's a great idea!! I would not be offended at all. Honestly, so many parents waste their money on chocolates & cheap wine and NO teacher ever wants that.

I can see how it is cheeky, but my friend is a teacher and despite not drinking she usually gets loads of bottles of wine. Although it's the thought that counts it's a shame that people put money and time into getting something and it's not able to be used; she usually donates them to the community fete for the charity tombola but then feels guilty about that!

I think that's fine!

like a PP has said she probably gets a shitload of red wine and dark chocolate that she then has to probably give away, you said you were planning on getting her something anyway as were probably most other parents, isn't it better that ye know what not to get her?

I suppose if she could have phrased it better it would have helped. But saying that, I can't think of a polite way to say it!

I think if I was her I would have lied and said 'some parents have been asking me, which wine I prefer.....'

That's so rude.

I'm in education and I'm grateful for anything people give. Where I work staff swop stuff amongst themselves. I also re-gift things I can't use, too much chocolate, candles, wine etc

It's the height of rudeness putting people under the expectation to buy presents, never mind specific kinds of presents. What a bad mannered woman.

I think it's the expectation of the gifts that annoyed me. And also I would be grateful of any gift that somebody took the time to buy me! Even if I didn't like it I'm sure it could be put to some use - e.g. let DH have it or something instead

Argh, I’m torn. On the one hand I think it’s cheeky, but on the other my family are teachers and always came home laden with shit they didn’t actually want, and I abhor waste. So I see where she’s coming from, but I do agree it’s presumptuous!

Even if I didn't like it I'm sure it could be put to some use - e.g. let DH have it or something instead

But what would be the point of that? Presumably you are buying a gift for the teacher to thank them for what they do. Not for their DH or for them to "put to some use".

I think it's rude and presumptuous.

If you really don't want to deal with a few bottles of wine that you don't like then a tactically worded message like @FindaPenny suggested would be more acceptable though. Or even a 'no gifts, I've decided support X charity instead'.

I have plenty of friends that are teachers and anything beyond what they can consume, or that they don't like, goes to charity. Ever for a tombolar or the local hospice take unopened alcohol for their drinks trolley.

Even if it was 20 bottles of wine and you dont drink? As someone buying it as well wouldn't you rather knowing it was actually going to be used rather than given away? Chocolate is also cheaper than wine! Although she never asks for presents of course, people always buy them and she is appreciative of the thought. The teacher does say "if", and maybe she was secretly hoping it would put people off so she doesn't end up with loads of stuff she doesn't really want or need

I think the way that is worded comes across as very rude and the cheeky sod would be getting zilch from me for being so fucking presumptuous!

As a British person I get that this is jarring, and comes across as presumptuous.

But, if she’s been teaching a long time and been getting 20 bottles of wine a year she won’t drink (end of year, and Christmas), and a tonne of chocs she won’t eat, she can’t re-gift easily as everyone will now know the source 😄 and it’s a huge waste. She’d probably prefer to write ‘no gifts please’ but that’s probably even more offensive!

Most parents buy end of year gifts for teachers in primary school. There is no obligation so if you don't want to don't, but I would prefer a heads up so I can buy something the teacher likes. She has probably been asked for guidance by parents so that's what she has done.

Presumptuous and rude. If I was a teacher I would be delighted with a nice card rather than a gift.

I understand it must be annoying to receive 30 bottles of wine you don't like but there's only 9 in the class! It's tiny!

I don't believe this true for one minute!!

Can you screenshot the relevant part of the newsletter? You've obviously name changed or are a first time poster (!) so no worries about being outed 👍🏻

I would prefer to see a note saying no to gifts. I don't get presents for doing the job I'm paid to do.

I wouldn't be offended but I have never got a teacher a present, and I have been through a lot of end of terms, Christmases etc. It's not needed, thank your teacher and start the next class.

It is rude but it's a well established fact that teachers get dozens of gifts at the end of term and despite it seeming pretty presumptuous, I'd be glad to know because I always buy my kid's teachers booze unless I know for sure they like something else (one teacher was massively into gardening and another loved books so vouchers to the respective shops was a no brainier)

You know all those cute little "best teacher" mugs, decorative wooden plaques or glitter wine glasses? Imagine getting 20 or so of them every single year for both end of year AND Christmas? You'd need a whole room to store them in after just a few years of teaching. Stick to booze and other consumables.

What is she like as a person? Is she generally quite light hearted and humorous?It just sounds like the sort of joke some people would make.