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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be irritated by this?

151 replies

woodlock75 · 01/07/2019 11:48

DS is in reception, he's my eldest so not had much experience of teachers/school etiquette prior to him starting school back in September.

His teacher always does a little news letter at the end of the week detailing what the class have learnt this week, achievements, reminders etc etc. On Friday, the newsletter included the usual but had a note at the end saying:

'If you're planning on buying me a gift for the end of term, I would prefer white wine over red and I'm not a massive fan of dark chocolate. Thanks in advance!'

DH and I were a bit gobsmacked and think it's really rude?!?! Is this normal for teachers to do?? Other parents thought it was odd too. I was planning on getting her a gift anyway but now I feel a bit irritated by the newsletter addition and don't want to.

OP posts:
saraclara · 01/07/2019 12:41

Jeeze. I'm an ex-teacher and I would NEVER do that. Yes, we know we'll get gifts from some parents, but a) you don't presume, and b) that para will make the parents who don't/can't feel bad (or angry that she thinks they should)

I'd be unimpressed, and almost inclined to let the headteacher know I was.

Hwory · 01/07/2019 12:42

My friend is a teacher who doesn’t drink and has a dairy allergy. Loads of bottles of wine and chocolate every year that she never gets to enjoy.

Shame really.

AuntieDolly · 01/07/2019 12:44

She did say "If.."

Original poster
woodlock75 · 01/07/2019 12:45

@Pinkfinkle she's very lovely but I wouldn't really describe her as lighthearted. She's very serious actually

OP posts:
Yabbers · 01/07/2019 12:46

I think it's the expectation of the gifts that annoyed me.
She said IF. No expectation, just the knowledge that it’s what some people do. Even if she said not to, people would. Because apparently people think it’s rude not to buy gifts even if you’re asked not to.

Seeing every single teacher leaving with half a dozen bouquets of flowers and a similar number of bottle bags, I can’t help but think they would prefer something they actually wanted, or nothing at all.

If you’re so offended, buy her nothing. I’m sure she won’t be gutted.

tomboytown · 01/07/2019 12:47

It would make life so easy if I knew which teachers drank, what they drank and whether they liked chocolate

Hippee · 01/07/2019 12:47

DS1's teacher did an announcement in their class assembly that if we wanted to bribe her, she liked red wine and a particular chocolate bar. She is very jokey and it was said with a real twinkle, but we all took note and and were relieved to have been given the hint. A year later she said she could hardly face another of those chocolate bars as most people had given her a bottle of wine and a four pack of the bars, so she had over 100. Putting it in the newsletter is a bit odd though.

ChocChocButtons · 01/07/2019 12:49

I would collectively not buy her anything! My Friend is a teacher and I showed her this and she said it’s disgusting.

steppemum · 01/07/2019 12:50

I used to teach and came home with some crackingly awful presents.

BUT I never complained or judged kids/parents for them, to me it was lovely that they wanted to give something. In the staff room on the last day, we donated loads to the teacher who ran a stall at a summer fete miles out of town (so no parents to notice their gifts)

I was taught to appreciate the thought, and that is what I always did.
However, around Christmas time, lots of kids used to ask me what I liked, and I always said - Oh chocolate of course! Then when they brought in choccies, we would open a box before break and after lunch and all enjoy them together. I told them we were celebrating having had a good term together - all of us.

Yabbers · 01/07/2019 12:51

I'd be unimpressed, and almost inclined to let the headteacher know I was.

Oh give over. The head teacher has better things to do than deal with this kind of nonsense.

Those who can’t buy gifts and feel guilty about it will feel that way whatever.

Those who won’t (like me) won’t be affected by it. To me it reads “I often get a whole bunch of shit I can't use” which only strengthens my position not to get gifts for teachers.

BarbedBloom · 01/07/2019 12:52

I don't see the problem to be honest. I would rather not buy something she wouldn't use. She did say 'if'

tenlittlecygnets · 01/07/2019 12:54

I don't see the problem either. She's not presuming she'll get gifts. It's in case she does. I'd much rather receive things I like too!

BangGoesThatTheory · 01/07/2019 12:55

Get her a shiny apple. For the teacher.
If she’s clever, she will appreciate the irony.

EerieSilence · 01/07/2019 12:57

TBH, I just had a laugh.
I can imagine some teachers coming home with 24 candles, Cadbury Roses or some other shitty chocolates every year. At least now you now what to get the teacher, it's cool :)

Snog · 01/07/2019 12:58

Why can't people just swap their unwanted gifts - white wine for red wine or chocolate?

LillithsFamiliar · 01/07/2019 12:58

I would have laughed. She's not expecting a gift. She's just letting you know what she likes so you don't waste your money. I think it's a great idea. I'd love if DS' teachers had done this over the years. The only one who sent clear instructions was the one a few years ago who didn't want any gifts at all and asked for charitable donations instead.

DerelictWreck · 01/07/2019 13:01

It's SO rude.

I get why it's practical but it screams of entitlement

EssentialHummus · 01/07/2019 13:03

I think there are more tactful ways to word the message but I’d be fine with the sentiment tbh.

AleFailTrail · 01/07/2019 13:04

I think if she’d finished it with a winking face ;) it would have lightened it up to the tone it was meant to be taken in.

I did read it in a light hearted if you’re getting stuff...IF....this is what I’d get enjoyment out of most

Janedoughnut · 01/07/2019 13:05

sallyscallop if you think the OP is lying then you need to report it as per the guidelines. Very cheeky to expect the OP to go to the trouble of having to prove she's telling the truth. If it was me I'd tell you to sod off. (wouldn't because it's against guidelines)

ComeAndDance · 01/07/2019 13:06

I suspect you have never seen the crap that teachers are receiving.
My dcs teachers have told them before, 'Please no chocolate. Im trying to be on diet' for example. I cant be arsed to be upset about it.

And there is no expectation of a gift from the teacher (as in they dnt expect parents to go and buy something). But there is the expecation that parents WILL go and buy something for the teacher. Because thats what happens, even more so when the class is small.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 01/07/2019 13:06

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EarlGreyOfTwinings · 01/07/2019 13:12

It's more of a joke.

let's not be hypocritical, teachers will receive gifts at the end of the year, even if they don't want them. He didn't say he'd prefer tickets to the Bahamas and not Maui, it's chocolate and wine, one of the most inexpensive gifts they can get.

Parents will get offended by absolutely anything. just get together and get some vouchers, or get absolutely nothing, or a card. Who cares.

HollowTalk · 01/07/2019 13:14

She could have said "Have a good weekend - I'm planning to spend Friday night with a lovely chilled white wine in my garden" or something so that you took the hint.

BestestBrownies · 01/07/2019 13:16

You need to buy her something truly hideous/wonderful that she can keep in the classroom FOREVER.

Kestrel of Doom thread

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