To be irritated by this?

[woodlock75]

DS is in reception, he's my eldest so not had much experience of teachers/school etiquette prior to him starting school back in September.

His teacher always does a little news letter at the end of the week detailing what the class have learnt this week, achievements, reminders etc etc. On Friday, the newsletter included the usual but had a note at the end saying:

'If you're planning on buying me a gift for the end of term, I would prefer white wine over red and I'm not a massive fan of dark chocolate. Thanks in advance!'

DH and I were a bit gobsmacked and think it's really rude?!?! Is this normal for teachers to do?? Other parents thought it was odd too. I was planning on getting her a gift anyway but now I feel a bit irritated by the newsletter addition and don't want to.

I think she was probably going by previous years , TBH !.Probably ended up with loads of Red wine /Dark Chocolate and headaches!.I dont see a problem here really .If you had a friend, and wanted to buy her a present you would try and find out what she liked surely? .Its always nice to buy a present for Teacher.LO like to give them a gift, and they do work hard to teach your child every year!

Maybe she doesn’t like waste? I hate waste. I’m not a teacher but meh, who cares, she’s going to get wine or chocolate x 9 (maybe) it might as well be stuff she likes.

Stop hoiking your bosom, OP, either get nothing, get what you were going to get anyway or do the nice thing of getting her what she wants.

When I was young school teachers got nothing. Can’t understand this need to gift.

Nothing more cheeky than asking for gifts for weddings etc. The general opinion being people like to get what the person wants if they must get something.

You still dont have to get anything at all.

We didn’t get teachers anything in the early 90s. Is this a new thing or was it just my poor London Suburb that didn’t bother with these things?

on the other my family are teachers and always came home laden with shit they didn’t actually want. Wow, charming. Parents and children put time, effort and thought into buying gifts for teachers, but I see that some of it is seen as “shit they didn’t actually want” What ever happened to gracious acceptance of a gift and acknowledging the thought? If your family members don’t like the “shit” they receive, they can donate it or get rid of it quietly.

I think it's rude too

I would have thought giving a gift of alcohol would be a complete NO NO!

Why?

It’s not like the teacher is going to crack it open in the classroom

I think it is a good idea. The teachers here can dread the end of term gifts, with a class of 30. Endless keyrings and plaques, mugs etc, there is only so much they can do with it.

I have bought DC's teacher a pen/pencils from a theme that he loves, so something practical that he can use at school, but a bit of thought gone into it too, rather than just wine or biscuits.

I can understand why it feels rude but it's also very practical. Personally, I would feel better not to receive anything than have to lug home 30 items that I wouldn't use and decide what to do with them. Give her a break.

FWIW everyone in the class used to put a tenner in each and someone would get the teacher and TAs m&S vouchers. I think that's a great way to go - then they can get something that's useful and no one wastes money or things. And there is way too much wastage in the world these days.

Give her nothing!

How must the parents on limited incomes feel?

I agree, teachers do an ace job, and the hours are so much more brutal than just a school day, but I’m not sure I think presents are appropriate. They’re doing their (bloody hard) job. But so do I, so does my police officer husband, and do on and so on.

Cheeky cow! You'd think she'd be grateful to spend all those paid for holidays drinking wine she doesn't like. God, it's not like they actually do any work anyway. They only work 9-3 and just teach the same thing every year. I know all about it cause I went to school. (Feel free to add your own goady, ill-informed contributions to keep yet another teacher thread alive and well).

@flyingelbows - right - they've been responsible for nurturing your kids all year - why begrudge them something they don't hate - if you're going to get them something.

Rude
Wait to be asked or re-gift / donate to Christmas tombola anything that doesn't suit

Where I am, one parent will volunteer to collect donations from other parents and then do a class gift. These range from bracelets to beach tote bags or gift cards. No duplicates and a reasonable gift to say thanks from the class.

Oh Wow!
That is just awfully rude of her.
Practical but rude !!!

To be fair, it's better that she say that rather than get a load of gifts that will be wasted. My parents were both teachers and my mum - a primary teacher - got so much useless crap every year. Shitty candles with 'personalised' crap stuck all over them, tonnes of chocolate that sat around until it went out of date, teddies which the dogs chewed to bits...it's not thoughtful cause it's invariably cheap trash. She also didn't like getting gifts because it could emphasise which pupils who came from families who couldn't afford to give a gift and may feel embarrassed.
My dad on the other hand was a secondary teacher and got less presents - usually just one from his form class when they finished school in the final year, and sometimes from his advanced higher class (although that class was usually around 3-4 pupils). He got whisky, which was greatly appreciated and came from the students so was far better thought out than the shit a primary teacher gets.

@Bunnyfuller

How must the parents on limited incomes feel?

You can buy a big bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk for £1.50!

Personally, the point of buying someone a thank you gift is that they enjoy what I’m buying - I struggle when it’s someone I don’t know well so I would have appreciated the heads up!

She could have worded it a little better eg “There’s really no need to buy me gifts but if you did want to get me something...etc”

I don’t think it’s presumptuous at all since this seems to be a thing now - none of the teachers at my schools ever got gifts from anyone as a matter of course (I bought one teacher a gift when I left but she is one of my favourite humans and came to my wedding!)

I think the giving of gifts is pretty standard - in fact so standard it's not presumptuous. Obviously you don't have to give gifts if you don't wish to, but receiving a token would not come as a surprise. Considering what a massive impact and part teachers, particularly reception teachers play in your child's life, I'd go with the wine and be happy knowing that she will enjoy it.

How must the parents on limited incomes feel?
they don't need to buy owt - I'd imagine it's the bloody sponsored spells/baking donations/school trips and non uniform days against a donation that cause more consternation.
I used to teach in a deprived area - One of my poorest families insisted on buying me a box of maltesers which meant more than anything else put together tbh as the little girl's face was radiant when she gave it to me. we shared them at breaktime in a sneaky chocolate session

No teacher expects a gift - in Germany all gifts are banned, they arent allowed to accept them because it's seen as a bribe as the teachers decide which type of school your kid gets into and later mark all the exams they do.

but in the UK what some are not aware of is how much a teacher usually subsidises the system in any case by purchasing what they have to in order to give kids the best they can. So a bottle of wine if you've been buying biros, pencils, rubbers, board markers, gluesticks, glitter, props and treats all year is appreciated.

It is very rude!

DIL gets presents from her class - some are stuff she likes, some not so much.

What isn't suitable for her (eg she can only use certain toiletries because of skin sensitivities) she gifts to the school or to church for raffles etc.

Some children give her home-made gifts and she often prefers these (who doesn't love cake ), some give a card, possibly an occasional one doesn't give anything - she doesn't keep track.

She's just appreciative that she receives anything. I think for a teacher (or anyone) to be picky like this sounds a bit entitled. Very bad-mannered.

Yes, because there’s no peer pressure from anyone or competitive kids. I agree, the endless fancy dress/cake/raffle/sponsor stuff is also financially draining. £1.50 can be worth a fair bit on some incomes.

But then the answer is not to get anything.

The teacher only asked for non-dark choc, she didn’t ask for Godiva!