Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

My child is not entertainment !!

129 replies

Charliestardust · 01/07/2019 10:37

Hey, new to posting but always reading here.

So I may be being awkward who knows.

My daughter has a friend in our street who's in the same class , she's not English (may or may not be relevant). Now and again the mother asks for my daughter to play down there. But she literally doesn't want to give her back!!! I'll say what time should I come back for her, she says oh leave her, she's a good girl she can stay. I know my daughter's a good girl,.kind of did some of that myself!! Don't get me wrong they're nice people, the other girl is quiet and I think my daughter is the only English girl she plays with so may help her a bit?? But mine went down at half 10 Saturday morning, dad checked on her at about 12, I went to the shop at about half 1 or 2 and took some snacks and pop to share, and at 4 my partner said I want her back now, and the mum was like oh no leave her, he just said no she's coming home now, we've got stuff to do, not moody or anything just that's it. This mother has always got different kids visiting,.just feel like it's to keep her child entertained. My daughter is pretty easy going and nice to have around.

Do you see where I'm coming from? I'm all for her playing etc but feel like they won't give her back.

OP posts:

InTheHeatofLisbon · 01/07/2019 10:39

The language that's offended you sounds like it's more to do with a language barrier than being deliberately offensive.

What does your DD want? I think that's important. If she wants to be there, I don't see an issue. If she doesn't, that's different.

avocadoincident · 01/07/2019 10:40

Next time there is an invite why not say "yes lovely, thank you, but I will need her back at 1" or whatever time suits you.
Be clear from the offset and then when you invite her child to you and say " can you collect by..."

newmomof1 · 01/07/2019 10:41

I think she's happy that her daughter has somebody to play with and is happy for your daughter to stay because she's so nice - take it as a compliment OP.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/07/2019 10:41

Just collect her when you want? The mother sounds really nice, I'm sure she's not going to hold your DD hostage

Pinkfinkle · 01/07/2019 10:43

Does she mean it in a lighthearted way? I remember my friend’s Mum once joking to my Mum that she’d like to keep me and give my Mum her DD because I was so quiet .

HiJenny35 · 01/07/2019 10:44

You feel that they won't give her back???? Just say she can come to play till x and then I'm collecting her. I'm not sure how you've managed to make a nice lady down the road letting her child have friends round to play to making it seem weird. "this mother has always got different kids round" yes that's what most parents do, have kids round as kids like playing with each other. And "feel like it's to keep her child entertained" well... yes... you don't have other people's children round to do the washing up it's so that they can play together. And no I have no idea what the relevance of them not being English is? You are being unreasonable and ridiculous, if you don't want your child to go there say no, if you want to pick her up at a certain time pick her up.

ChicCroissant · 01/07/2019 10:45

The other mother is just being polite, you have taken that the wrong way IMO OP. She doesn't really want to keep your child

Buyitinbamboo · 01/07/2019 10:48

You're taking it the wrong way, maybe a language miscommunication. Assuming your daughter enjoys playing there just let her be and say you'll collect when it suits her/or when you need her back

CalmdownJanet · 01/07/2019 10:49

You are reading way too much into this. The woman is being nice, "oh no leave her" is something I and everyone I know would say, what mean is "she's fine there, no bother, and I don't mind her staying longer if she and you would like her to" but I/we don't actually want to keep her, equally some kids are a pain in the ass and I wouldn't say "oh she's fine if you want to leave her" to that child's parents. Stop reading too much into it, simply say "Ah thank you but no, it's time for her to come home" and make moves towards leaving

doxxed · 01/07/2019 10:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

MyOpinionIsValid · 01/07/2019 10:54

I don't actually see what the other mum is doing wrong in this scenario?

The age isn’t mentioned. That may be relevant. Im of the generation where kids all play out together anyway; there is always one house where the mother is more tolerant or welcoming and has endless drinks and patience

HUZZAH212 · 01/07/2019 10:56

I'm pretty sure if you tried to leave DD there permanently they would drop her back 😁 Just set a time you'll be collecting her. It sounds like you're not being clear on that.

MerryMarigold · 01/07/2019 10:56

Most of my friends from other countries keep the kids for ages, happily feed then several meals etc. I think it's a cultural thing, lot more tried about their kids. If your dd is happy, her dd is happy and the mum is happy, why not?

Also, my dd has 3 good friends who are only children. She's hardly with us weekends and holidays as the parents 'use' her for entrainment as she's also very sweet, obedient, no trouble, no fights with their children. I don't mind at all that they are using her to entertain their kids. It benefits my dd, their dd, and me (one child less, yippee!). If you have plans with your dd, by all means say we're going swimming at 1 or whatever but if you're pulling her home just because you feel she's been there a long time, then that's unreasonable.

missyB1 · 01/07/2019 10:57

As others have said set the time limit from the start. Can your dd wear a watch and tell the time? She can also be responsible for knowing how long she can play there.

Proseccoinamug · 01/07/2019 11:00

Sorry OP, YABU. If you just let the other mum know what time you want your dd back, that should be fine?

You seem to be judging the other mum as though she doesn’t want to interact with her child?
I have lots of friends round for dd1. It’s for her sake as she wanted. Would be much easier for me not to!!! Believe me, it’s not for my sake 😂

You also seem to feel a bit superior to the other family, as though you’re doing them a favour by letting dd interact with theirs. There’s something unpleasant about your attitude.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/07/2019 11:01

Doesn't it only matter what your dd wants. Enjoying herself? Happy days, everyone's happy. If you want her back by her by a certain time just say so. I will often say similar if dd has a friend round and they're enjoying themselves, as I assume that the other parent would want their child to continue having a good time,or say so if they need to go out or something. Yabu.

Dixiechickonhols · 01/07/2019 11:01

Just say yes dd would love to
Play but I’ll pick her up at x time. It sounds like mum is being nice and it’s no trouble to have your dd.

WhoAmIToTellYou · 01/07/2019 11:02

Im not entirely sure if this is an issue at all. You say they are nice people, have lots of kids in to play. Perhaps they come from a country where this is the norm, it sounds like they do.
If you like them, let your dd go and play and just tell them the time you will be picking her up. Politely ignore the attempts to keep her longer and stick to the time. They will soon learn (hopefully).
Does your daughter like playing there, if she does then this is non issue, be firm, that’s all.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/07/2019 11:03

Furthermore, 'using her for entertainment' is an incredibly negative/superior way of saying 'friends enjoying each other's company'. Unless your dd isn't which you didn't say.

Qsandmore · 01/07/2019 11:06

To be fair I steal my niece regularly because she dilutes my three and they don’t argue. I have been known to say can I just keep her Zero shame!

Waveysnail · 01/07/2019 11:08

If your daughter is happy then I dont see the issue. Just pick her up when you want her. Your being unkind

KurriKurri · 01/07/2019 11:10

Sounds like a different culture - when I grew up (many years ago) we spent ages at other kids houses - it was common to spend all day there and stay the night if it got too late to go home, ditto if friends came to mine. It was all very casual, everyone had open house for kids - I think things have got more formal nowadays - with arranged playdates and strict times etc.

it sounds as if the woman is coming from a place that is she is happy to have your child and it is no bother to her - she probably thinks you think your DD may have outstayed her welcome and she's reassuring you it is no problem. Sounds like she likes having kids round and has open house. Some people do - it's nice, just not the same as how you do things. She really doesn;t want to keep your child, and it's not seeing her as entertainment - she just thinks it's nice for the kids to play together.
Jut let her know when you need to pick up your DD or if you have plans (or if you just don;t want your DD out playing). But if your DD is happy with the arrangement and you don't think the mother is incompetent or neglectful. I'd go with the flow.

TheStakeIsNotThePower · 01/07/2019 11:10

I like to keep my kids friends too, they make life so much easier! Mind you my lot are all of an age to flit between houses now and regularly do.

saraclara · 01/07/2019 11:11

Well I'm English and I don't see anything remotely abnormal about the neighbour's response. It sounds exactly like the interaction between me and my friends/neighbours when our kids played together. Basically it was just about saying "don't worry - have some more time to yourself...we're fine"

Juells · 01/07/2019 11:11

This sounds quite familiar from when my eldest was little. A neighbour (I was very good friends with the mother, still am) constantly wanted my daughter to play with hers, because mine was very gentle and polite, and hers was terribly shy. She did try to ring-fence my DD though, to keep her available as a friend for hers. Pressured and pressured and pressured me to hold my daughter back a year so they'd start school together, insisting that because of her being born late in the year she wouldn't be as mature as other children in the class etc.. It was all about company and protection for her child.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6