Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

My child is not entertainment !!

129 replies

Charliestardust · 01/07/2019 10:37

Hey, new to posting but always reading here.

So I may be being awkward who knows.

My daughter has a friend in our street who's in the same class , she's not English (may or may not be relevant). Now and again the mother asks for my daughter to play down there. But she literally doesn't want to give her back!!! I'll say what time should I come back for her, she says oh leave her, she's a good girl she can stay. I know my daughter's a good girl,.kind of did some of that myself!! Don't get me wrong they're nice people, the other girl is quiet and I think my daughter is the only English girl she plays with so may help her a bit?? But mine went down at half 10 Saturday morning, dad checked on her at about 12, I went to the shop at about half 1 or 2 and took some snacks and pop to share, and at 4 my partner said I want her back now, and the mum was like oh no leave her, he just said no she's coming home now, we've got stuff to do, not moody or anything just that's it. This mother has always got different kids visiting,.just feel like it's to keep her child entertained. My daughter is pretty easy going and nice to have around.

Do you see where I'm coming from? I'm all for her playing etc but feel like they won't give her back.

OP posts:

MadameButterface · 01/07/2019 13:29

"When you have only one or two children you want some time with them yourself."

unlike those non english ppl with their millions of kids

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 01/07/2019 13:30

I think she's trying to be accommodating and saying 'it's no trouble'

MadameButterface · 01/07/2019 13:32

op no need to kick off, you asked a question and it was answered, what do you expect? everyone posts something a bit batshit and gets a kicking for it at one time or another on here, take it on the chin and be glad your turn's over

do you at least feel better that people have taken time out of their day to helpfully provide you with a solution to your dilemma/some perspective on the situation? you're welcome

Lifeandjoy · 01/07/2019 13:36

I don't get the English thing. Why is that of importance?

MauritiusNext · 01/07/2019 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

plasterboots · 01/07/2019 13:47

@Charliestardust AIBU is not the place if you don't want to here the truth.

You clearly haven't read many posts!

LoafofSellotape · 01/07/2019 13:47

This mother has always got different kids visiting,.just feel like it's to keep her child entertained isn't that the whole point of having kids round?

She's being hospitable. All you need to do is say that you need to take her as you're going out.

Good grief,I sometimes wonder how people get through day to day life when I read about non issues like this

mccanne · 01/07/2019 13:50

I don’t think there’s anything strange here. Some people love having loads of children around and their children having their friends to the house. She’s saying it’s no bother for your kid to be there.

CatG85 · 01/07/2019 13:55

OP, you asked for people's opinions and even said in your post that you may be being awkward so really don't see why you'd then get defensive over the replies you've got. It should just reassure you that it's fine to say no, fine to give a time you want to collect your DD and it's fine to leave her there for the day if you want to.

Juells · 01/07/2019 14:02

@MadameButterface

unlike those non english ppl with their millions of kids

You're stretching it, and imagining something that didn't enter my head. I assumed the other mother wanted the OP's child there because she had only one child, and wanted company for it. I'm not English, BTW.

dinnerpartyhell · 01/07/2019 14:20

I am not sure it is the same thing, but we've had similar situations with children that have much older siblings or don't have siblings. The extended all day playdates, and wanting to do them all the time. One summer I barely saw my child, and needed to put time limits on things, and slow it down.

I think my dd in this case was absolutely the daily entertainment, and had I not wanted to see much of her, this arrangement would have been perfect. However I missed her terribly so I understand why you feel that she is 'taking over' a little op.

Just put time limits in place and stick to them.
All offer to have her dd too, no doubt she would be grateful of the break. It sounds very tiring for her. Maybe she is keen for her child to integrate, I would feel the same.

MadameButterface · 01/07/2019 22:11

Ah yes @Juells such a stretch for me to wonder if the lone voice of support on a thread with an apparent weird xenophobic dog whistle racism agenda could possibly be in agreement with that agenda

Maryann1975 · 01/07/2019 22:43

@Ellisandra I haven’t mentioned single parents? The family I refer to in my post do have immense guilt that they haven’t given their child a sibling, but they are a 2 parent family and have struggled with secondary infertility.
I don’t assume that every time my dc go for a sleepover at other friends house the parents are suffering with immense guilt. But I know that the reason dd gets invited so often to a particular friends is because her parents feel so bad she has no one to play with at home. I know they feel guilty because they’ve told me. Obviously I know that not all parents with one child feel like this, but was giving a point of view.

Marilynmansonsthermos · 01/07/2019 22:46

I expect the mum is happy her dd has someone to play with if she's an only child. Can't see the problem op? If you've something to do you need to be more assertive and say "it's time for her to come home now".

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 01/07/2019 22:49

I think you're way overthinking this. The fact that she is "non-English" whatever that means has nothing to do with it.

People say this shit all the time, and I'm pretty sure if she was non-non-English you wouldn't think twice about it.

Bedforaweek · 01/07/2019 22:54

You mustn’t have a lot to worry about if this is not only something that has wound you up but you have felt compelled to write about

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 01/07/2019 23:21

She doesn't want to keep your dd forever you know.
I said the same the thing when dcs were young, if they were having fun they were more than welcome to stay on.
Saying she's a good girl means she behaves and plays nicely with the other girl and they get on.

You really don't need to think too deeply into it

Cersei61 · 01/07/2019 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BackforGood · 02/07/2019 00:03

No idea why you have kicked off so angrily.
You say you have read AIBU quite a lot, so you know people will be honest with their opinions.
Knowing that, you've asked a question.
Overwhelmingly, people have pointed out to you that there is no problem here, except in your imagination - in fact that it is a bit of a compliment that your dd is such nice company. Not sure why that would make you flounce off in a strop
Why ask, if you didn't want to know / weren't prepared to read what people think ?

Lifeandjoy · 02/07/2019 01:30

Cerse16 but Americans speak English. Does the OP mean non-English speaking, non-white British (ie British but not "English") , Welsh, Scottish?

Very unclear what the OP means by "not English" and indeed why that matters. Does the non-Englishness affect the OP or her daughter in some way? Does it arouse more suspicion about these neighbours?

lifeinthedeep · 02/07/2019 01:47

She’s probably just tying to be polite by making your daughter feel welcome any time. Jeez, as a child I remember playing at my friend’s house all day and it was the best part of my childhood. How old is your dd? Checking up on her all the time is a bit odd.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 02/07/2019 02:40

I'm non English. Is it relevant somehow?

Octonautsoctopod · 02/07/2019 08:25

@Charliestardust - AIBU is seriously brutal. Like pitchforks brutal! (I got flamed for something I posted the other day. I do get why, but it was a bit OTT ) Chat is a friendlier place, or the other specific forums!

MonkeyTrap · 02/07/2019 08:30

The mother sounds lovely and you should take it as a compliment that she is so fond of your daughter.

My SIL would just drop her DC off and take her up on the offer not to pick them back up in fact can I have her number? See if our kids get along?

MonkeyTrap · 02/07/2019 08:31

@IAmAlwaysLikeThis
The English (I’m English) are notoriously uptight so I can see why it’s relevant.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6