My child is not entertainment !!

[Charliestardust]

Hey, new to posting but always reading here.

So I may be being awkward who knows.

My daughter has a friend in our street who's in the same class , she's not English (may or may not be relevant). Now and again the mother asks for my daughter to play down there. But she literally doesn't want to give her back!!! I'll say what time should I come back for her, she says oh leave her, she's a good girl she can stay. I know my daughter's a good girl,.kind of did some of that myself!! Don't get me wrong they're nice people, the other girl is quiet and I think my daughter is the only English girl she plays with so may help her a bit?? But mine went down at half 10 Saturday morning, dad checked on her at about 12, I went to the shop at about half 1 or 2 and took some snacks and pop to share, and at 4 my partner said I want her back now, and the mum was like oh no leave her, he just said no she's coming home now, we've got stuff to do, not moody or anything just that's it. This mother has always got different kids visiting,.just feel like it's to keep her child entertained. My daughter is pretty easy going and nice to have around.

Do you see where I'm coming from? I'm all for her playing etc but feel like they won't give her back.

The mom may just be happy to use your kid to entertain hers. A bunch of people used to ask my kids over a lot and try to keep them for sometimes whole weekends because they had only children that got lonely. I resented it a bit because my kids had each other for entertainment so it was harder for me with one missing. But it was good for them to socialise so I was ok with it. However, sometimes I think some moms can be too over the top about it. Watch out for any odd behsviour while she is around your kid in case you need to dostance yourselves.

My son had a friend whose mom was Italian. She was... intense. Always wanting my son at her house. One time she cut his hair while he was there!!! Without asking or anything. Just "oh, I was cutting my son's hair and he wanted to match"... who does that?? Then when my boy was in hospital very seriously ill with pneumonia, she showed up as a visitor without asking and waltzed into the room and was acting almost like he was her child... and then coughed all over the place and admitted she had bronchitis, bit just had to come see my son! My mother in law practically pushed her out if the room, she was fuming thst the woman would risk my son's health like that by visiting when he was so weak.

They moved back to Italy about 5 years ago, and this woman still sends ke facebook messages every few months asking for updates on my kids, and wanting more photos. Or skype etc. It is just so weird. I don't understand feeling that attachment to another person's kids...

Oh for goodness sake!

Just bc someone is not English doesn't mean that she needs to be treated unlike we would treat a mother who is English.

I have had people like this English or not English. It is a form of babysitting. AND when you want your child back, go and get her.

Btw, my dc and I went into a rug shop. We were looking at a pile of rugs and one of the non-English owners inquired what we wanted, I asked about a couple prices and then he said, "I'll trade you this rug for her!"

Pointing at my 6 yo dd. He didn't smile but I took it as a joke. DD did not.

I smiled ...and politely said no and left.

DD STILL remembers being afraid of him.

She mentioned it every time we passed by the shop. She is beloved by her family and always protected but she is shy and was frightened.

What truly matters is how your dd feels, OP.

My dd is flattered by our non-English neighbor who makes a great fuss over her. But she, as a young adult, still thinks that it was creepy to have been suggested that she was an asset to be bartered. Joke or not.

Please don't think that political correctness is helpful at this stage of our society. It's always been on an individual basis. People are people. Nobody is perfect, no ethnicity is immune from cf's.

My mother never allowed our ethnicity as an excuse for bad behavior or rudeness. She's passed it on to me.

It's a person's heart and actions; not gender or religion or anything else that we judge and use to determine our opinion of them.

I'd love it if a parent wanted to keep DD playing at their house all day!

But seriously - we live overseas and there are definitely some families who beg us for play dates so that their DCs can improve their English. As long as the children are having fun I don't mind.

I am sorry really but why do you think your daughter is the entertainment in this situation?
Surely if there was nothing for her in that "exchange" - because Interactions go both ways and even the "entertainers" get something positive from the exchange - she wouldn't have stayed that long.
If your child is bored or not feeling good there do you think the other mum would have kept her forcefully? I mean how likely is that?
Saying that of course you have every right as a parent to know and regulate how much time your child spends outside of home and with whom.
I understand how frustrating it would be for you to have to go a few times to ask for her and to be told that she is still not coming, I wouldn't have accepted that behaviour from my child because I would have expected them to know that they should be back when we have agreed.
If this happens once and while I'd give it a miss, but if it happens regularly I'll try to regulate with the parent and definitely speak to my child and let them know that when a time to stop is arranged that's it. They can go back on another day.