Live performance parenting on a train. In the quiet coach

[Gribbie]

Lighthearted - I don’t really mind (except the singing), it’s nice that mum is interacting with him.

I’m on a train for 4 hours. In the quiet coach. Mum and DS probably around 2ish. Started off counting to 3 in various languages (English, Welsh, french, german and Spanish I think). Then DS bit mum. The response was to say “who does that at nursery? If you want to bite I’ll give you a cake to bite.” There has been a hitting incident and another bite since. Now they’re reading/signing nursery rhymes. Old fashioned shite ones. I’ve not got my headphones. Help me. I’ve got an hour to go.

That does not sound like perforomance parenting, it's how many talk to 2 year olds. I have sat in tne quiet carriage with my kids, I make no apologies. It was either that or stand with 2 kids for an hour.

At 2, I would have bitten anyone that made me do homework for the benefit of an audience.

EarlGrey don't bother with the 'chill out,' it's designed to needle, and rather silly.

I asked how you know the parent you're judging isn't with a child with invisible additional needs. But you're not answering that.

You're backpedalling now into being some relaxed person, smiling and quietly reading your book. Unfortunately, your earlier posts are still there, revealing much more.

HTH.

NeckPainChairSearch
I know because it's obvious and they make a show of their smug parenting. It's all about the attitude.

A parent who interact with their kids is just another commuter.

Of course I judge the idiots. I do feel sorry for the kids, but their parents are laughable. I can also roll my eyes depending on the mood. I don't find them as charming as you think you are

Exactly @NeckPainChairSearch

Earl has shown themselves up for the judgey, spiteful busybody they are. This whole thread is spiteful to be honest in the guise of being "lighthearted"

generous with your knowledge I'd add for the benefit of others

www.mumsnet.com/child/12-signs-you-may-be-guilty-of-performance-parenting

HTH those who were not clear

Topsecretidentity
Don't put on a show for others, you won't get judged 🤷
I swear most people really don't care about you and your kids.

I suppose the judgypants on here would be rolling their eyes when I praise DS for making a mangled attempt at speech, a skill which is normally mastered by much younger children... after all, why should I encourage him when he tries something he finds really hard, right? Some random person might be momentarily inconvenienced which is of course much more important...

Do your shoot looks at other parents to check they are clocking your superior parenting?

Thing is, ever since I lurked on my first ever mumsnet thread about 'performance parenting', I do find myself reflexively checking over my shoulder to see if someone is rolling their eyes at me...

I'm sure this could be taken as me looking for admiration.

HTH those who were not clear

God MN massively going down in my estimation for that piece of shittery

I really don't understand why people quietly seethe about noise on the quiet carriage. As someone who was communing for an hour on the train three times a week, I frequently pointed out to excessively noisy people that they were on the quiet carriage.

Nine times out of ten, after I say “I don’t know if you realised, but you are on the quiet carriage” (and point out the sign) the person is question says “Oh, sorry I didn’t realise” and stops whatever annoyingly noisy activity they were doing (or continues with the activity but moves along to a different carriage).

I have occasionally had people respond with verbal abuse, but they are the ones that end up looking like entitled d*kheads. If the person ignores me and continues to make noise after I have pointed out that they are the quiet carriage, then that normally emboldens other passengers to also chip in and tell them to shut the f*k up.

Chill out. It’s obvious.

There is a difference between normal interactions and performance parenting. I often find myself wondering if the people who pretend there's no difference are those prone to performance parenting.

I've never found myself inwardly eye rolling at parents having totally reasonable conversations, nor have I ever thought anything untoward about a parent giving louder but clear talk to their child because that would be a bit intolerant given there's a range of needs. But the loud conversations always on topics designed to show how great a parent you are, eugh seriously nobody cares.

It's the parenting equivalent of people who take a photo of their new manicure for social media but just happen to take it on the steering wheel of their new BMW/their hand held up in front of their prosecco glass resting on their new designer purse. They will then fake the wide-eyed 'oh I was just showing my cute new nails' and the rest of the world is thinking 'what total bollocks'. Performance parenting is the same principle. Everyone knows the score, everyone knows what the intended message is, some pretend that the posts were obviously just about a fairly run of the mill manicure and anyone who even notices the other posing is obviosuly insecure, jealous or hates manicures so wouldn't understand.

*commuting (spellchecker fail there !)

It’s usually dads or granny’s though. Are you enjoying your sandwiches? Lovely fresh tomatoes FROM GRANNYS GARDEN. 10 year old looks as if wishes ground would swallow up

Talk about teaching a child to bite! Bite and you get cake, great message.

Can we have some objective, clear criteria please from all those ‘it’s obvious’ posters.

I’m keen to understand who I can judge. Ta.

I love how posters try to wind up others by pretending they can't possibly understand what the thread is about. There's always one on these threads

Of course I judge the idiots. I do feel sorry for the kids, but their parents are laughable. I can also roll my eyes depending on the mood. I don't find them as charming as you think you are

Oh dear. You're not needling me, as you keep mangling your sentences to try to achieve. Unless you're just not terribly literate - I wouldn't want to judge

I'm not one of the 'idiots' that you think you're talking to. Your assumptions - unlike your mean little judgements - are vaguely amusing.

Earl has shown themselves up for the judgey, spiteful busybody they are

Oh, I say. [smile

You are being weird. You can’t put into words when someone is showing off. You know when someone is showing off. Sometimes via the medium of their kids. If you aren’t showing off you aren’t doing it are you?

I'm canny deaf so I speak louder than usual (I'm told!) and I often look around to try and gage my volume (if people start looking I assume I'm shouting again). But I also like to chat with DS, point out the cows in the field, ask him what sound cows make etc as it keeps him engaged. However I guess I'm just an idiot performance parent. Enjoy the show you snarky lot.

I love how posters try to wind up others by pretending they can't possibly understand what the thread is about. There's always one on these threads

Go on then. Enlighten us all....

Can we have some objective, clear criteria please from all those ‘it’s obvious’ posters

NeckPainChairSearch

You still haven't explained to us why the need to be a performance parent? I have explained why I can't understand the point as no-one is ever impressed or even amused, I am genuinely curious why people feel the need to do it?

When an adult is showing off to other adults via talking loudly to a bored small child.

You still haven't explained to us why the need to be a performance parent?

Why would I? I'm not one. They don't bother me. How did that suddenly become my remit?

I asked how you know the parent you're judging isn't with a child with invisible additional needs. But you're not answering that

Did I miss your reply?