Live performance parenting on a train. In the quiet coach

[Gribbie]

Lighthearted - I don’t really mind (except the singing), it’s nice that mum is interacting with him.

I’m on a train for 4 hours. In the quiet coach. Mum and DS probably around 2ish. Started off counting to 3 in various languages (English, Welsh, french, german and Spanish I think). Then DS bit mum. The response was to say “who does that at nursery? If you want to bite I’ll give you a cake to bite.” There has been a hitting incident and another bite since. Now they’re reading/signing nursery rhymes. Old fashioned shite ones. I’ve not got my headphones. Help me. I’ve got an hour to go.

I just noticed the child in question is 2

The one I was talking about was older than two!

because it's different to the other entirely reasonable and varied interactions.

But by no criteria you can actually specify.

And some people on this thread complaining about a toddler (who wasn’t even tantrumming), when they don’t even have kids themselves but they’ve come onto Mumsnet on a parenting thread to say they dislike children and find them annoying

If you're referring to me, I haven't at any point on this thread or any other thread said I dislike children and find them annoying. I find their behaviour annoying at times, as I also find adults' behaviour annoying at times.

I don't agree that not having children myself means I have no right to be annoyed by the behaviour of someone else's - and there are plenty of parents on here who have also said they find this type of behaviour annoying.

And, if you trouble to look at the top of the thread, you'll find it's in AIBU - not 'Parenting'.

quite. I have 4 kids, I still find annoying children, well annoying and performance parents ridiculous.

I did a little performance parenting once. My 3 year old and I were sitting on the tube and it was very quiet. So we chatted about the underground system and looked at the colours on the map together.

He then held my face and gazed lovingly at me, I preened.

*Mum, you've got spots" he announced in his loud and clear voice.

Half the examples on here of PP are not PP and just a parent interacting with their child (eg naming colours on a train etc) so it seems that very few people have actually witnessed genuine PP. So the fact that you think that basic, simple interactions with children are done for your benefit indicate to me that you're incredibly self centred.

I bet that was fun for everyone else in 'Quiet' Coach!!

not PP and just a parent interacting with their child (eg naming colours on a train etc)

Isn't it the volume of the interaction, rather than its content, that determines whether it's for others' benefit? If the parent is speaking more loudly than the general level of conversation (and not because the child is having a tantrum so they have to be heard over it) and not making any effort to lower the child's voice, either they are showing off or they're plain inconsiderate.

Isn't it the volume of the interaction, rather than its content, that determines whether it's for others' benefit?

Well no. Some people have naturally louder voices than others. Some kids may have hearing issues and require a louder tone.

There’s no objective criteria here.

Oh my god we get it. You think there is no objective criteria for performance parenting and therefore anyone who dares judge you for "talking" to your child as pretentiously and performatively as you like is a massive screaming bitch. How dare we judge you etc etc.

Parenting like you are a second rate actor on a stage in a theatre with bad acoustics delivering several lessons in one impressive session is more likely to be performance parenting than not.

screaming well I walk loudly, as I've said, because I'm deaf. I often look around to try and understand how loud I'm being. If people are staring then I am probably being too loud. I find this hard to judge on my own. So i guess I'm a performance parent?

If you are booming in a loud voice to a bored child about the fact said child is eating sandwiches made by you with tomatoes FROM YOUR OWN GARDEN and that your child has MANDARIN LESSONS (both examples I have heard) then yep you are performance parenting

**I talk loudly... Probably walk loudly too!

MsT well no I don't do that, but according to some people on here, encouraging your child to name colours or animals is performance parenting, which I do do, and will continue to do as it helps my child learn.

Oh my god we get it. You think there is no objective criteria for performance parenting and therefore anyone who dares judge you for "talking" to your child as pretentiously and performatively as you like is a massive screaming bitch. How dare we judge you etc etc

You sound nice.

Tell you what. YOU exercise your God-given right to judge other people based on your own prejudices and previous iron-clad judgments, plus the shit you read here; and if you accidentally judge/roll your eyes at/start a thread about/contribute to a thread about a parent of an additional needs child, on their last nerve, trying their hardest, that looked EXACTLY like a PP, well fuck it, eh?

Oh my god we get it.

Good. Glad you’ve seen sense.

Dear me relax! I reserve my right to inwardly eye roll when an individual is being a ridiculous show off. It’s what humans do. Dh and used to snigger when we lived in Parsons Green. “Darling you must let me come and exercise your polo ponies” said at top volume was our favourite

Relax? Okay. It's pretty obvious that an 'inward eye roll' is perfectly normal.

There is a difference between 'having a normal reaction' and starting a thread on a public forum.

I love that performance parents are still defending themselves

brilliant. But you know, they cannot possible remotely understand what a PP can be, because you haven't given them the exact list of the showing off behaviour.

Ah MN, never disappoints.

And I love the way the criteria has never materialised

Because ‘it’s obvious’ and ‘you can just tell’ are such convincing proof points.

Describe ''laughing'' as accurately as you can without confusing it with 'singing' or 'crying'.

LaurieMarlow
we've gone through the criteria, you chose to ignore the posts, or pick on some parts of the post to pretend you don't know what we are talking about.

I am sure you can google it if you need further details.

Some people just don't care about other people. Like the woman who talked on her mobile phone throughout the film I was watching in the local cinema the other day. Until I told her to shut up or get out.

we've gone through the criteria, you chose to ignore the posts, or pick on some parts of the post to pretend you don't know what we are talking about.

None of it is clear and objective. None. It’s all about subjective reading of cues and a purported ability to read minds.

You’ve been asked many times how you distinguish between PP and a parent interacting with a child with additional needs and you haven’t been able to answer.

HTH