When finances change....

[Burrden]

My DH has been made redundant recently. He was earning £200k and we had a fantastic lifestyle - private school for the 2 DC, holidays etc. We own our house outright and have some savings, plus his pay off. I work PT and earn £30k which covers our day to day living expenses (but not school fees or luxuries).
We can continue living our current lifestyle for 2/3 years without DH needing to work.

As a result of the change to our finances I have cut back in certain areas (I did this when we found out that his job was at risk at the beginning of the year) - basically stuck to a budget so i knew we could live on my salary. I have requested additional hours at work but will need to wait until a role comes up - I would earn £50k full time so still not enough to cover school fees but if we don't dip into our savings now we can afford to keep them there until 11 without DH needing to work.

However, DH refuses to cut back AT ALL. Each morning he trots off to a chichi cafe for coffee and breakfast, with his newspaper then goes off to the gym/ music lessons/ tennis/ golf - all things he never had time for when working. I kind of think this is fine for this summer but then he really will need to sit down and face reality. He has worked solidly for 20 years in demanding, long hour jobs, I do not begrudge him time off but he is burning through the same amount of money (if not more) than before.
Meanwhile I make packed lunches, have dropped my own gym membership, the cleaner (he does do some cleaning but it is erratic - some weeks he does none and the next he blitzes the whole house) and other non essential things.
The DC break up from school this week and he keeps saying how great it is that we won't need to pay for holiday childcare (which saves about £1k) but in the next breath he spends £5k on a two week holiday for him and the DC.... we had a week booked already but in Devon and not extravagant.

I guess the issue is that we have never had to worry about money before and now it is an issue we don't seem to be on the same page. If I try to discuss it I get accused of only being with him for his money, which is not at all true (we met through work, I earned the same as him 15yrs ago but - kids, his career took off and so his job took priority).

He is looking for another job but wants to take the time to look for another type of role - I don't actually know what that is! - and I have no problem with him taking time off/ retraining/ whatever as long as he has a plan of sorts and stops spending so much money.

I just feel when we speak it all comes out wrong/ he twists it into me being money grabbing. He also keeps going on about how I have worked PT for the last 8 years and it's about time I went back FT (my youngest only started school last September!) but it isn't that easy to just demand FT hours. I am also now looking for roles in London which are more highly paid than locally (but I wasn't able to do before because of the commute and getting back in time for the DC) - I have no problem working - but if he does get a job back in his old industry he will assume it all goes back to me doing everything Monday - Friday and I won't be able to manage that with a 1hr+ commute. Even so I would not be on £200k for many years (if ever!).

AIBU to want him to cut back (as I have) and make a plan for the future?

Redundancy pay isn't taxed so he should sort that out and get the money back.

He sounds all over the shop emotionally but hopefully time will help and he'll sort his head out in September.

Tbh, I probably wouldn't have left the cleaner go and wouldn't be pulling children out of school now. I also think you need to chill. You don't need a 180 degree change in lifestyle just now.

See how DH gets on in autumn- as others have said, by then he might be ready to get a job again. In the meantime, it'd probably be useful to be supportive towards him. Currently, you come across panicky and OTT.

did the redundancy affect his pension?
I presume retirement is a long way off, as you have young children. He is wasting money, no doubt, but it probably needs some time for him to come to terms with changes.

There are a lot of big costs. 2 kids at fee-paying school will burn your money quickly. Private health insurance. That's a big bill as well if you decide to carry on with it. Holidays, and cars are big costs, if there is no income.

There will be a lot of competition for a high paying job. Hopefully you will work it out.

The first £30k of redundancy isn't taxed but the rest is, he went at the end of the tax year and had stock options and other things taken into consideration- he got just over £55k.
I am not thinking of pulling the children out of their school, I have put their names down though as a back up - I doubt I would remove my eldest at all.
I know I am panicking! Tbh I got rid of the cleaner partly because she is rubbish and partly because DH moaned about her being there when he was and he wanted me to change her day every week.

The first £30k of redundancy is untaxed. The rest is taxed.

And yes we had a lot of perks in his job - gym, dental, healthcare, even childcare vouchers for after school club.

Do you enjoy your current pt job OP ?

I'd be really worried that you end up taking a high powered ft London role, then as you say your DH gets an even more high powered whizzy job and you're left picking up all the domestic and childcare responsibilities.
Yes it can be outsourced but wouldn't want that lifestyle myself .

Go to the interview and see what happens. But if you were offered it you need to have a really serious conversation with your DH about the implications

The op works and is currently in the running for a higher paid job.
Why post if you aren’t going to bother reading the thread?
I did - which is why i said OP should go for ANY full time job (rather than waiting until a role becomes available which is her 'plan')

Saving

She an interview on Friday for a FT job paying £80k. How is that waiting?

She has

Congratulations on your interview. By all means go for it and hire a nanny/housekeeper if you both end up back in full time employment. Why should you be the family skivvy?

I'm a bit puzzled by the tax on his package. Usually for approved schemes, the first £30k is tax free ....

As for NI contributions, he needs 30years worth over the whole of his working life. If he already has 20years worth, I would relax a bit for the immediate future.

To get the full basic State Pension you need a total of 30 qualifying years of National Insurance contributions or credits. This means you were either: working and paying National Insurance.

https://www.gov.uk/state-pension/eligibility

chaz
OP's own words I have requested additional hours at work but will need to wait until a role comes up
She's known about the redundancy since the beginning of the year - but has only now bothered with interviews?
After she realized she can't force her husband to keep being the main provider?

Saving
Read all her posts not just the opening one

poster Burrden Mon 01-Jul-19 08:19:41
Yes, we do have savings and won't starve but I think it we spend more carefully the savings will last longer and give us more options in the future.
I worry that i will find a FT job with better pay and then DH will decide to go back to his old industry and I will be left doing it all with all the DC responsibility and being told to suck it up because he is the higher earner. I have an interview on Friday for a post in London which is £80k FT - I don't know if I will even get it - but it is making me a bit nervous.

@FinallyHere

I assume the husband got redundancy, and a pay-off. If you are earning £200K, you are probably getting a decent basic salary, even if it's partly commission earnings, and would get a few months salary in lieu, as well as statutory redundancy.

Statutory redundancy is a max of £525 for each year worked - so I expect the pay-off will include mainly pay in lieu, and will be taxed at higher rates. It would have ben better to be paid after April, to reduce the tax rate, but I doubt the timing would have been up to the husband.

It looks like the first £30K tax free is no longer permitted, so even 6 months pay at close to £200K per annum, could well net down to £50K.

www.xperthr.co.uk/faq/if-an-employer-pays-an-employee-in-lieu-of-notice-is-the-payment-taxable/111040/

Sorry, I didn't realise there was a cap on tax-free redundancy pay.

Anyway, you are slightly overreacting, OP.

I do think you need to calm down a bit OP. If I was your husband, you'd be doing my head in! Redundancy is a very stressful and unpleasant experience to go through, and it can really knock the stuffing out of people. Let your husband relax a bit and take some time to enjoy life before you start hammering the poor sod to get another job.

Hmmmm

I’m on the fence.
I know a few guys who 2+ years on are posting inspirational memes on LinkedIn and offering their life coaching services

I kind of think this is fine for this summer but then he really will need to sit down and face reality.

This is fair enough... but he needs to address it at some point

You’re overreacting, although I think I’d probably panic like you are!

As you’re not me () I advise you to talk to each other, calmly. I am going to guess that your DH is neither stupid nor lazy. Also, I am going to guess that pretty soon the allure of having lots of time to do nothing will wear off. The next time he hears of an ex-colleague’s promotion or a friend’s new job, he’s going to get the jitters.

Talk to him about his plans, and leave your worries and anxieties out of the conversation. Ask him how he feels! After 20 years, he’s probably wanting a bit of time to not work. He’s earned it. He has irons in the fire, he has the best grasp on how easily he can walk into another job (any job that would keep your kids in their school, as you have no mortgage and you would be working FT and could cover other overheads). He won’t want that, probably, he’ll want something commensurate with he previous earning capacity. But just listen to him.

I'm not hammering him to get another job.
I am happy for him to take his time, happy for him to retrain, happy for him to take a lower paid job.
What bothers me is that he is still spending like £10k is going to drop magically into the bank account each month and the longer it goes on the worse it will get.
He still has his train season ticket FFS - £3,800 a year and he hasn't needed it for 3 months - he travels into London once a week for "networking" (aka lunch/ dinner).

I have no problem working, I enjoy my job but I am nervous about going back FT and commuting - I haven't done that for 9 years! If anything DH wanted me to be a sahp- he hated the DC going to nursery- but it was me that wanted to work.
He is finding it hard to adjust, I understand that and I understand his need to take some time out but I just wish there was a plan, any plan, and a bit of a budget...

Anyway, I have been told to chill so I will forget it and leave him to it.

Frankly I think the "networking" is essential. That's how you get a job at that level. They're not advertised in the paper. And headhunters don't have the amount of leads they used to.

OP - it sounds like you both have exceptional options and you are worrying too much. If you can go from £30k part time, to £80k full time (interested in how to make such a salary leap in any career!) and your husband was previously commanding a £200k salary, you are you being a bit OTT to start a "packed lunches only" type mentality. You both seem to have extreme earning potential, have no mortgage to pay off and loads of savings. Think YABU.

OP I think you're fine to question unnecessary expenses.

I agree it seems silly to keep a regular commuter card if you're only travelling once per week and cancelling it for now would have no impact on DHs lifestyle at all - mind you do check if a standard return once a week is in fact cheaper.

Can you agree with him that you'll give him the school holidays without discussing future plans but they do need to be on the agenda after that. Means you know there is a definite time limit to come uo with a plan and he knows that he can relax for the summer.

He still has his train season ticket FFS - £3,800 a year and he hasn't needed it for 3 months

But is it paid for annually or monthly?

Can you actually cancel a season ticket half way through the year or is it literally pay it once a year and hope you need it all year?

I assume that you can't sell them on if you find you don't need it for whatever reason?

Actually dh was in this position a few years ago. Big salary swiped from under us. At first dh went a bit mad and booked 3-week Disneyworld holiday, enjoyed being more involved at home etc etc, but he slowly started to go mad. Panicking about never working again, not sleeping, eating, pacing the house worrying... It was an awful time.

I think that nagging him about budgets/plans at this stage would not be a good idea. You have to think how you would react if you lost your job and your dh was immediately on your back about money worries. We're supposed to support each other when something like this happens, not beat someone with a broom.

Re the leap in wages, I work outside of London in a market town but I can commute into London and get a much higher paid job. I am also underpaid where I am but put up with it for the convenience (it is 15 mins from home).