AIBU - What would you have done?

[TheQueensCorgi]

Name changed. Meeting at work (large company, very big on rights for all) and at the end we shook hands with others. I was the only woman in the room and when I got to a man (not white), I put out my hand and he said ‘Sorry I don’t shake hands with women’, and walked off.

I kind of stood there not really knowing what to do next, a few of the men who had overheard still in the room said he never shakes hands for religious reasons.

What would you have done? Would you brush this off? I felt like a second class citizen and quite embarrassed. Should I just be accepting of the fact this was his view or do I have the right to be annoyed ?

@livpool no I think that's total bullshit.
Regardless of religious beliefs I refuse to believe people should be forced to adhere to certain customs to prevent being seen as "rude".
If I'm in a room full of people and there's someone I don't want to shake hands with or have physical contact with then damn right I'll refuse, my body, my rights and it will take more than some poxy "custom" to make me think differently.

Everyone has this right.

@MissPollyHadADolly19 and everyone is entitled to their view. But the reason can be looked at - because you don't want to is different from my beliefs suggest this is unacceptable

I think everyone has a right to decide - but you (not you personally!) then have the reason open to interpretation.

I'm not religious at all btw

Westboro Baptist Church . So Christians who aren’t allowed to shake hands with gay people? I’ve not heard of that.

Oh I remember this “church” now, it’s more one weird family isn’t it?

I would have been upset too op, but he is young and learning how to deal with his religion at work and it sounds like he needs some guidance. Hopefully your colleague can suggest he finds a different approach, as speaking to people like that isn't going to go well for him at work.

Viva vienne

what did you want him to do?

^

Shake hands.

Quite simply.

Sorry, I don't shake hands with blacks

^

He might as well have said that.

It's the same thing.

Well done to him, it's hard in this day and age to follow Islamic customs without being seen as "extreme".

^^

Just a second, let me just check my bleeding heart

Why should anyone have to do something they're not comfortable with? For fucking customs? To not be deemed rude? To fit in. Bollocks.
You may aswell tell LGBT folk to stay in the closet in fear of upsetting the homophobes.
Tell BME to use separate facilities incase it upsets the far right folk.
I repeat EVERYONE has a right.

He didn't swear, use derogatory language or look down on the OP.
If a Muslim woman was made to feel this shit about not shaking a man's hand, would the reaction be as bad?

You either touch everyone or you touch no-one. It's not fucking rocket science. Whether your issue is physical (eg arthritic hands which would make shaking hands painful) sensory/processing (you find eye contact difficult) or your superstitions (women/gay people/unbelievers/different ethnic groups are dirty or inferior) you need to be able to behave in public in a way which doesn't display discriminatory attitudes. It's not discriminatory to say you don't want to or can't do [social ritual] even if your thing is that you can do it with some categories of human but not others: you need to acknowledge that other people all deserve basic courtesy. Or just stay away from other people in the first place.

@managedmis oh sorry your privilage is shining through.
Obviously you have no idea of the criticism we face on a daily basis. Wearing a hijab, growing a beard, trying to fit in daily prayers around work commitments, going to mosque on a Friday to simple things like just being obviously Muslim.

No MissPolly, your privilege is showing.

Try having basic beliefs in equality in this day and age 🙄

@Rosa funny you say that, religion is also protected by the equality act.

You either touch everyone or you touch no-one. It's not fucking rocket science.
do you SERIOUSLY believe this? If you shake one hand you must shake all? If you kiss one cheek you must kiss all? If you.... do you see where this leads?

You NEVER have to touch ANYONE. Not a if you are a white blue eyed blond Christian or a dark brown eyed bearded 🧔🏽 Muslim. Your body, your choice, ALWAYS. FFS who are you people???

MissPolly you tell us that like we don’t fucking know!

Religious privilege above equality.

@rosawaiting no actually I said that because you were quick enough to jump to "Try having basic beliefs in equality"
Or should it be just the ones you want to be treated equal?
As a woman, I chose who I touch/who touches me. My religion gives me the same rights. The equality act protects my rights, so why should customs like supposedly having to shake hands with everyone change that?

I’ve never met a man who has declined to shake my hand, or indeed touch my hand when I handed him his change in a previous job.

I live and work in a very diverse area, deal with a wide age range of people from a multitude of cultures and religions. I’m not saying men who refuse don’t exist, just that it is unusual.

Everyone is getting so heated over him not wanting to shake a woman's hand. Yet you've got women being sexually harassed in workplaces, touched against their will, treated differently because they're a woman - by men of all walks of life, most not Muslims.

But because a Muslim man doesn't want to shake hands, that's the worst thing to happen hey?
Hypocritical covert racism, that's exactly what's going on in this thread.

I'd much rather work with a man who refuses to shake my hand than a man who feels he has a right to touch me because it's deemed acceptable and a social custom.
Any. Fucking. Day.

You should not feel less because you are a female, you should show that you were not affected by this non hand shake business,it's pointless to even think about it. You might even get to know more about this young man if you work near to him.

My take on it is ''when in Rome, does as the Romans do''.

In this case, if you are residing/working in the UK and he is a resident of the UK, then he follows what is the accepted norm, that is, he shakes hands with everyone.

The one exception being that I can think of is if he was from an overseas branch and visiting for a work meeting, where tolerances and religious expression may be different then you would overlook this hiccup.

...do as the Romans do.

Polly I don’t expect you to shake hands with everyone
If you read my posts, you’d see that.

74 what’s to know about the man? He’s a sexist pig with no manners.

But you'd expect me to shake hands with a man if I wasn't comfortable with it, to you know, be "equal"?
To show "respect"?
No, I respect my own boundaries and I'll be damned if any social norm was to convince me otherwise.

If its derogatory to women I don't accept it. Muslim, Jewish, Christian, whatever. Couldn't care less.

By that act of not shaking hands he placed men above women. Tells me all I need to know.